


Into the Blue

by CrystalInstinct



Series: With You, I Can Touch Divinity [1]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Arson, Blow Jobs, Consensual Sex, Could be read as GTA AU, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, Light BDSM, M/M, Masturbation, Mentions of Gavin's family and family issues, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Fantasy, Shameless Smut, Shower Sex, Smut, Submissive Gavin Free, Vandalism, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-03-15 21:06:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 57,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13621674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalInstinct/pseuds/CrystalInstinct
Summary: Gavin's life is nothing special. He spends his time vandalizing and leaving his mark on the city but it only takes one wrong turn for him to end up in the cross hairs of the most feared man in the entire city. Gavin knows he should be afraid, both his friends and his common sense tells him to be afraid of the man with the icy blue eyes.But Gavin's never been one for common sense.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Friday people! 
> 
> This story will be a shorter story but I'm having a ton of fun writing this dynamic like it's portrayed in this fic so if there's interest I can imagine myself exploring more of it. But for now this will be a shorter story, a palate cleanser as I'm working on my long fic. This is my first venture into this particular dynamic and I'm sorry if it's a bit shaky at parts but this is after all my first try at this. This fic will contain a lot of smut, sexual content and a definite power imbalance between Gavin and Ryan and that will be playing a large part of this story. 
> 
> Tags will be added if they're needed and as the story progresses. New chapters will be posted on Fridays if life doesn't get in the way. 
> 
> Anyhow, let's dive in! As always and forever, kudos and comments give me life and fuel my writing. Be sure to leave your thoughts if you'd like, they make me really happy. ❤

Gavin's backpack is heavy on his shoulders as he enters the apartment. The sky outside is a lovely shade of orange signaling the end of the scorching hot day and for that he's grateful. He's not made for heat like this, and the comforting shades of the night suits not only his mind but also his preferred way to spend time.

Not that his family would approve. Not that he cared much anyway. This far from it all it became easy to ignore the past and focus on the bright neon lights and the intoxicating toxic vapors of his spray paint.

"Is that you boi?" A loud voice hollers from deep within the apartment and Gavin smiles at the sound of Michael's voice.

At first it had been alarming, that angry face and that harsh tongue yelling at him for ruining his art. He remembers how scared he had been at the sight of the face that nowadays brings him joy and he smiles as he drops his backpack on the worn couch.

"It's me boi!" Gavin yells back and looks around the apartment.

He hadn't thought it would be like this when he left home all those years ago. He thought living in the city would mean those apartments you saw on TV, the enthralling chase of life in the shadows of the skyscrapers.

An old pizza box falls from the coffee table that's missing one of its legs. Gavin knows where it is, in the back of the dumpster after Michael broke it weeks ago. He scoots the backpacks to the side and sits down on the hand-me-down couch and looks around.

The wallpapers as sad as the rest of the place. Torn and worn, put up decades ago and it shows. The windows look in to the inner yard that resembles more a concrete well than a lush garden. The apartment building looks as sad as the rest of the apartment, a large structure filled with people who just didn't care about maintaining it.

"Gavin!"

Gavin turns and sees a beautiful red-haired woman barrel down the corridor trying to tie up her hair as she bounces to the living room.

"Lindsay!" Gavin mimics her tone and she laughs as she stops by the crooked mirror to look at her hair.

Lindsay's black jeans merges with her striped black and white shirt and her red hair contrasts both of them. How she chooses to dye her hair so vibrantly is something Gavin will never understand, in their line of work being noticeable is a hindrance.

He fidgets with the strap of his hoodie as Lindsay pulls on her black leather jacket and turns to face him with a beaming smile.

"You got anything in mind for tonight?" She asks as she pulls her hood up to cover most of her hair.

"Well-" Gavin starts but stops at the sound of Michael's voice.

"Well nothing." Michael says as he walks out from the bedroom. "I bet it's stupid."

"Michael!" Gavin exclaims but Michael just laughs as he rummages through the clothes that are scattered on the armchair.

"Lindsay for fucks sake clean after yourself!" Michael exclaims frustrated and Gavin knows how much Michael hates the mess. Gavin guesses Michael knew what he signed up for when he married Lindsay, but sometimes he's not sure how they fit together so well.

"Suck my dick." Lindsay replies turning away from the mirror where she had been applying a fresh layer of bright red lipstick.

"I was thinking of going for the most value." Gavin interrupts as he sees Michael start to slip into a monologue.

"Value?" Lindsay groans as Michael lets out a whoop as he finds his jacket in the pile. "That's the worst one."

"You only say that because you suck at it." Michael points out and walks over to place a tender kiss on her nose and Gavin looks away, still fidgeting with his hoodie.

"I thought it would be nice." Gavin continues and stares at the tear in the wallpaper just above the TV. "We've been doing the most tags lately and that's boring."

"Sure, sure." Michael waves his hand absentmindedly as he pulls away from Lindsay. Gavin sees the redness in his lips and he doesn't know why it suddenly makes him feel so alone. He busies himself as he stands up and grabs his backpack. The cans inside rattle and make him excited.

"You got anything new?" Gavin asks as Michael throws Lindsay's backpack at her and picks up his own.

"Nah." Michael says pulling on the straps of his backpack. His leather jacket shines in the lonely light from the kitchen and pats Gavin on the shoulder. "They told be they should be getting new blues in next week though."

"Aw I don't mind the blues-" Gavin says as they make their way to the door. He passes the mirror and looks over at his own tired face, the shadows under his eyes dark and his hair looking matte and unkempt. He pulls his hood on and looks away. "-I need the gold."

"I know you do." Michael sighs, checks his pockets for his keys and then ushers them out.

The hallway is empty and stuffy as they opt for the stairs. Gavin's not in the mood to spend the night in a stopped lift and he imagines the others don't want to explain to the cops why they're carrying spray cans and matches.

Gavin trails behind the pair as they make their way down, the concrete walls feeling so constricting, until they reach the exit and Gavin breathes in the sweet and wet night air. How he loves the night, how he adores this city, how he wants to leave his mark on it.

"Time?" Michael asks as they head for the city center. Gavin shakes his head. "Until dawn it is."

Lindsay groans and Michael just pulls her closer. Gavin stuffs his hands into his pockets and stays silent as they walk three-wide on the emptying sidewalk. The looming skyscrapers call for him and he can't help the familiar awe that seeps into his bones as he looks at the way they touch the sky.

It's not long before they split off. Gavin watches Michael cackle as he heads over the street barely looking if there's cars. Gavin knows he's heading for the Apple store on Main street.

Lindsay waves him goodbye as she heads the other way, Gavin's guessing she's heading for that high-end car dealership. He would be lying if he hadn't thought of heading that way as well. Those cars would be high value, high damage targets but he knows somewhere better. Although there's not much better than the high of tagging those sleek new rides.

Gavin shudders at the sudden cold breeze and hikes his shoulders up as he starts to jog away from both of them. Sure, the retailers and the cars would rack up the damage, but he recently found something better.

Better sure, he thinks as he blends into the crowd downtown. Infinitely more dangerous and scary as well. A shudder runs through his body at the mere thought of leaving his mark on that building.

It's brand new, that Gavin is sure of. He hadn't seen the small inconspicuous sign at first, only seeing the brass rectangle when he knew to look for it. Rumors online told him stories of all kinds, from the mob to a high-end AI manufacturer. Fact was that there's something behind that high wall and Gavin's going to leave his mark on it no matter if it costs him his life.

The crowd disperses around him as he walks through the entertainment sector and the street becomes eerily silent as he watches the skyscrapers around him get taller, shinier and then smaller and older again. His hands shake in his pockets as he rushes through traffic and finally, too soon, too late, he's there.

Haywood Industries.

The brass sign is shiny and new, and Gavin shakes with excitement as he looks around him. He knows there's cameras at the corners and a traffic cam at the intersection but here, pretending to look at his phone, he knows they can't see him.

Blood rushes in his ears as he opens the program on his phone and the comforting sight of code that he wrote rushes in front of him. He leans down to tie his shoelaces just in case someones watching him. The adrenaline in his system is maddening, deafening and for once he feels alive.

The door clicks softly, and Gavin covers his face with his hood as he walks up to the door and carefully presses inside.

It's deadly quiet and Gavin's steps are loud even though the rubber sole on his converse is soft and worn. He crouches and presses on.

Soon the corridor opens to a large entrance and Gavin sticks to the shadows. There's not a single soul inside, but he can see the twinkling light of a rotating camera in the corner of the room. Gavin thanks whatever deity that's listening for his size and agility as he sticks to the corners and avoids the glare of the camera as he makes his way towards the most important looking doors.

He wants to laugh, the adrenaline making his nerves stand on end as he peeks inside the room. This is stupidly easy, and he knows he'll win tonight for sure. No way Michael's phones or Lindsay's Porsches would be as expensive as what could be hiding in this room.

Taking a deep breath Gavin squeezes his way inside the room and the door closes softly behind him. He's not sure what he's seeing but he knows it's expensive. The room is huge, the whiteness muted by the darkness and Gavin's fingers itch at the mere prospect of defiling that whiteness. Huge scientific machines that he's seen last in science class and in movies shine on large tables as Gavin takes in the scene.

He laughs.

His step is light as he walks towards the back wall, the whitest of them all and he stops in front of it. He knows he should draw something quick and easy, something untraceable but the way his mind races and his legs bounce as he watches the wall of possibilities, he knows he can't do that.

He smiles, and he knows his teeth shines in the same way the wall shines. His gloved hands dip into his backpack and he pulls out the first can.

His mind wanders, his soul rests as the familiar and comforting scent of spray paint reaches his nose. His hand is steady, his feet light as he traces what he wants on the wall.

How his mother would hate this. He giggles at the thought, his eyes sparkling with joy as he grabs another can and shakes it. This will be the masterpiece, this will be his best mark. His finger presses down the nozzle and the space is filled with the sounds of his paint and his joy.

It could be minutes, it could be hours, he's not sure. The wall calls for him and he's entranced by the swirl of the paint in the faint light and he's lightheaded from the smell, but he wouldn't change it for the world.

Finally he steps back, brushes his paint covered gloves against a rag he brought with him as he admires his work. He steps back in, spraying a golden smiley with the last of the golden paint he so desperately needs, on the bottom of the enormous panoramic view of the city skyline.

His hands shake with excitement as he pulls out his phone, cursing at the early hour but he steadies himself as he pulls out the camera and takes a shot of his work and the room he's in before he gathers his cans and belongings.

There's nobody on his way out and he's quickly through the door and back on the street. He forces his step to be light, inconspicuous as he walks over the street as the first rays of sunshine begun to tease the city with the prospect of morning.

He dares cast a last glance at the building before he turns the corner and disappears in the early morning crowd, half heading to work, half heading home after a wild night. His smile is wide as he makes his way uptown, towards the comforting neon light and noise of traffic.

He's not the first to get to the meeting point. Lindsay's swinging her legs on the low wall she's perched on as she pets one of the alley cats. Gavin shakes his head as he sees them, the alley cat like putty in her hands and her genuine smiles as she pets it.

"What's up Linds?" Gavin greets her and hops up on the wall to sit next to her. The cat hisses at him but Lindsay hushes him before turning to look at him.

"Not bad." She says but yawns. "Dead tired, I'm getting too old for this all-night shit."

"Aw come on." Gavin laughs and pulls his hood down as the morning sun hits his face bathing him in the warm comfort on the incoming day. It's not hot yet, this time of the day reminds him of home and there's a bitter-sweetness in the comfort it brings him.

"I'm serious Gav." Lindsay laughs and sighs. "I mean I barely got hard from the cars I ruined tonight."

"Gross." Gavin laughs and looks over at her. "I think we all need a break after this. I need time to get a better target before I can up my game."

"Confident I see." Lindsay winks and looks at her watch. Her hair is disheveled from what Gavin suspects is a cop chase and her eyes are tired as she sighs. "Michael's gonna be late."

"If he's late he'll be disqualified." Gavin states but his head snaps up at the distant sound of sirens. "On second thought I think he'll be here in time."

Lindsay laughs and the cat hops down startled and darts away. Lindsay's hand grabs her lighter and Gavin watches her flick it on and off as they wait.

"Burn a lot tonight?" Gavin asks.

"Not much." Lindsay replies. "Tagged the cars and set a few fires in dumpsters. I guess my heart wasn't really into it."

"Okay we're taking a break for sure." Gavin says with a laugh. "I'd expect more chaos from you."

"I know, I'm disappointed myself." Lindsay laughs.

The sounds of sirens grow closer before they see two patrol cars blast by them on the adjacent road. Michael emerges from the other side with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Did I make it?" Michael huffs as he stops by them and catches his breath.

"By two minutes." Lindsay replies and leans in for a kiss. Gavin averts his gaze, looking at the way the sun reflects off the windows of the buildings near them. He's ignoring the emptiness inside him, the adrenaline and the excitement of the night wearing off and the ugly shades of the budding day seem to mock him.

"Goddamn I had to sprint from Main all the way here." Michael says, and Gavin looks back at them. Michael's eyes twinkle like they always do near Lindsay, but Gavin hears the excitement of the night in his voice. "Dumb pigs lost me at fifth."

"Got anything good?" Gavin asks and reaches for his phone like the rest.

"Tagged the new shipment of phones." Michael says holding up his phone to show them and the way he grins makes Gavin smile as well. Michael shows them the pictures of the shipment, the crude drawings he painted on it and a selfie with his middle finger up and the shipment behind him.

"Nice." Gavin says nodding his head although he wants to show them his and make them lose their shits. "Lindsay?"

Lindsay's quick to show them pictures of the cars she tagged, the cats she drew on the hoods and the selfies she took with the burning dumpsters. Michael's not really looking at the pictures. Gavin notices him looking at Lindsay with love so clear in his eyes that it makes him sick.

He's not sure why it bothers him so much now. Maybe all these years of solitude has finally managed to catch up with him, the thought of going home to his creaky bed and his dull curtains, to live and die alone makes his guts rumble.

He shouldn't be jealous. He knows how good Lindsay and Michael are for each other. He knows it because he's seen it. And it's not like he wants them to break up. He just wants something for himself, something even remotely as pure as they are with each other.

It's not love he's after. He knows love doesn't fit him, love only enhancing his bad side, making him a worse person than before. He just wants someone to listen to him before fucking him through the mattress.

"Earth to Gavin?" Michael hollers and waves a hand in front of Gavin to make him snap out of his thoughts. "Were you even listening?"

"Were you?" Gavin fires back but Michael only laughs. "My turn?"

As they nod Gavin pulls up the pictures and hands his phone to Michael. He would be lying if he said he didn't get enjoyment from the way his eyebrows furrow at first and then his mouth falls open.

"You didn't." Michael says and hands the phone to Lindsay. "You motherfucker, I told you that's not safe. I told you to not go to that place!"

"I'm here aren't I?" Gavin replies and smiles so smugly he can feel his voice dripping with it. "There wasn't anyone there."

"That doesn't mean you're in the clear." Michael fires back. "I've heard things you know. About that place. I meant it when I said it's not safe."

"When did you become so hellbent on what's safe?" Gavin asks and he feels his mood sour. This was supposed to be his masterpiece, the hit that would make the others proud and jealous of him all the same. Instead they're both looking at him worriedly, like he's a child and it makes him snatch his phone back from Lindsay.

"Gav-" Lindsay starts and Gavin hates the way her eyes are soft and worried.

"Save it." Gavin huffs, hops down from the wall and pulls his hood up. "I'll see you guys later when you get those sticks out of your arses."

"Don't you dare walk away from this!" Gavin hears Michael yell after him, but he only flicks him off.

"Suck my cock!" He yells back and hurries out of the alleyway.

His step is heavy, and he doesn't give way to the others walking on the sidewalk as he barrels home for the day. The first hints of heat linger on the pavement and he feels like he's boiling in his jacket and his hood but he keeps both on and up as he marches.

He knows they're right, deep down he knows he shouldn't have gone into that place. He's heard the rumors too, the terrifying legends of the owner, things not to be repeated in front of anyone. He knows he shouldn't have and yet he went. That thrill had been worth it, he tries to tell himself, trying to ignore the coldness in his guts.

His steps echoes in the corridor in his apartment building, his steps so loud as he walks up the stairs to his apartment, avoiding all the greetings of the people heading to work. His jaw hurts from the way he's been clenching it since he left that alley and he feels exhausted as he slips into his apartment.

Gavin throws the takeaway box he left on his counter when he left in the trash as he drops his backpack by the door and shuffles to his tiny bedroom. The curtains are drawn, and the room is dark as he pulls off his clothes and collapses on the bed before curling up under the blankets, trying his best to ignore the dull emptiness inside him as he lets his tiredness take him away.

He awakens late that night, not sure if he's surprised or disappointed to have woken up. He shuffles up, takes a quick shower before pulling his clothes back on and hurrying down the stairs. The hoodie from the night before is heavy on his head as the jacket on top of it shields him from the sudden rain outside.

Gavin hurries down the street towards that Chinese restaurant at the corner of the block and he looks down to shield his face from rain and also from people seeing his tired and sad face. He knows he looks terrible, his dark eyes and his ashy skin and his dead gaze but he doesn't really mind as long as he's left alone.

His eyes are so focused on the pavement that he collides with a person. He looks up, seeing only a dark suit and mutters an apology before sidestepping him. As he takes the step he feels a hand on his shoulder and before he knows it he's shoved into the backseat of a black car with tinted windows.

The door slams close behind him.

"Gavin David Free." A deep voice drawls at him as he struggles to sit up on the backwards facing seat. He pushes his wet hair out of his face as he looks up at the man sitting across him without any seeming care in the world. "Born May 23th 1988 in Thame, Oxfordshire."

"How do you know-" Gavin splutters, feeling his heart in his throat. "Who are you?"

"Who I am is not important." The man smiles, and Gavin can see a row of straight teeth in his mouth. He's never seen a smile that reminded him so much of the documentaries about sharks he saw as a kid.

The man looks at him and Gavin looks at him. He's taller than Gavin is, well dressed in a tailored suit that makes him look very handsome. Not that he needed it with his face, sculpted and shaded with a well-groomed short beard. But the most striking feature on his face is those piercing icy eyes that look at him like he's on the menu.

"Why am I here?" Gavin asks, his voice leagues from the confidence he aimed for. He knows the answer deep down, he knows why he's here and why this man is looking at him but for the first time in a while he's filled with fear and that emotion feels so exhilarating in his veins that he feels every nerve in his body. His wet clothes look so out of place in the backseat of this car, a car that cost more than his apartment cost.

The man chuckles and the sound makes Gavin shiver. He knows that the man noticed it by the way the corner of his mouth twitches at Gavin's movement.

"Oh, I think we both know the answer to that Mr. Free." The man answers and crosses his legs as he leans back against the seat to look at him. Gavin wants to run, to escape his gaze that seem to strip him down and expose him with ease. "I'm a big fan of your work but also very curious on how you managed to open the door so easily."

"I wrote a code that exploited a vulnerability in the system. Please, I didn't mean anything by it." Gavin blurts before he can even think. "It's nothing really, it was a stupid bet, I can pay or do anything, please-"

"Interesting." The man says and looks up and down Gavin in a way that makes Gavin's breath stutter and fear tingle in his spine.

"What do you think I'd do to you here?" The man asks sensing Gavin's fear and the corner of his mouth turns up into a crooked smile. Gavin swears he's never been so cold in his life as he's now looking at the man in front of him. "Murder is always so messy in a car. It's a bitch to clean."

Gavin doesn't know what he's supposed to do, the fear running through him like electricity and he feels so alive that his own body feels foreign to him. Yet he feels something else mix with that fear, an excitement and a thrill of the man. He curses himself, now's not the time for this.

"I'll do anything." Gavin continues, his legs twitching with the urge to run. "Please, I'll do anything to make this right."

"As appealing as that sounds-" The man replies slowly, drawing out every word as if he's thinking about it. "I'm in a forgiving mood today. I'll let this slide with a warning; do anything like this again or talk about this meeting and you'll find me less forgiving."

Gavin sees the way his blue eyes turn to steel at the words and it doesn't take much to imagine what this man would do to Gavin. He shivers, out of fear he tells himself.

"I swear I'll be good." Gavin replies hurriedly, eager to please this man for reasons he's not sure of. He's not like this, he shouldn't be turned on by the edge in this man’s voice, this man he's not seen before and only talked to for minutes. He shouldn't be this eager, and yet the thought of pleasing this man fills him with immense pleasure.

"Get out." The man replies coldly, and the door opens beside Gavin and rough hands grab him and pull him out of the car.

The rain is pouring even harder as Gavin struggles to stay on his feet as the man who grabbed him stares at him before getting into the car. Gavin doesn't know how he didn't see the car before, the large tinted windows and the tires he knows to be bulletproof sticking out like a sore thumb in this neighborhood.

Before he's got the chance to think about it further, the car starts and drives away leaving Gavin alone on the sidewalk as people rush by with umbrellas. He's soaked through by this point, but he watches the black car turn the corner and vanish from his sight.

"Shit." He says out loud to nobody in particular as looks around him, the fear inside him deflating and leaving him with the excitement and the thrill of the meeting. He's suddenly not interested in food, making his way back to his apartment to take care of the hardness now pressing against his thigh.

He curses himself as he locks the door behind him, grabbing himself to take care of the situation that man had left him with. He's not sure why he's not terrified, and why that thrilling fear had felt so good, he knows it shouldn't but as he rubs the evidence of the contrary he can't help but to imagine those blue eyes staring at him.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!
> 
> This chapter dips into the explicit tag. I don't know why you'd be reading this and not be aware that explicit things will happen but fair warning anyways. 
> 
> As usual, hope you like this, it's a bit different from the other stuff I've written and I'm personally happy with how it turned out. This chapter includes the scene that inspired me to dedicate an entire story for this dynamic. Be sure to let me know what you think down below, kudos and comments light my way through the writing process. 
> 
> Love y'all. ❤

Gavin broke his arm in year five and had a cast on for weeks. Although it had been nice to have people write on it and have the perfect excuse to not do his chores by week two he developed an itch on his forearm. 

In his mind’s eye he saw the exact location, the inch of skin that drove him mad with the urge to itch it. No matter how he tried to ignore it, it grew and grew until finally he snapped and poked a ruler down his cast. His mother caught him and scolded him and yet, every chance he got he would scratch that itch until he bled. One taste and he was a goner, desperate for that elusive satisfaction he would taste if only for a minute. 

It wasn't the same after the cast was removed. 

That was years ago, and Gavin knows better now. He knows itches shouldn't be scratched for a lot of reasons and as a adult he knows how to ignore those impulses. He knows not to go stir up a hornet’s nest or wake a sleeping bear. He knows all of this and yet he throws them out the window almost immediately. 

He shouldn't be impressed that he lasted a day. Deep down he knows he should turn away and never look back if his life meant anything to him. Too bad he's not the type to back down from a challenge and the thrill of his meeting lingers like poison in his mind. 

At first it had been easy. A quick wank and a long shower, take-out and a movie. Then sleep for the day again. But by the time he wakes up again, the long shadows of the night fills him with nervous energy that consumes his every movement and thought. 

He swears that it would be just a quick online search. Just to satisfy that curiosity for a moment although he knows that it will be a slippery slide. 

His search brings him nothing that he didn't already know. On the outside Haywood Industries looks like any other corporation with its shiny web page but the deeper he digs the less answers he finds. By hour three he still isn't sure on what they are actually doing. All he found was shiny words that carry no meaning. 

Annoyed by the business jargon he bites his lip in hesitation before searching for the owner, this Haywood bloke. Gavin isn't sure on why his hands shook as he typed his name into the search engine. 

To his annoyance there isn't much on him either. No pictures, nothing to tie this person to a physical being. Gavin tries his hardest, even twiddling with some old strings of code he had used years earlier to aid him in his search, but he finds nothing. As if it isn't worrying that there were no pictures on this man, the fact that there isn't anything that could identify him chills Gavin's bones. 

Frustrated he closes his laptop and makes his way to the seaside where he leans against the railing, watching the couples and clusters of friends enjoy themselves. The long shadows of the early evening casts long golden and orange shadows on everything and Gavin's fingertips trace the worn wood of the railing carefully but absentmindedly. 

He knows he shouldn't be here and that someday he'd look back on this day to mark it as the point of no return. His hoodie is up, blocking his face from curious eyes and the patrolling guard, although he knows they've got nothing on him. He watches the crowd, ignoring the urge to check the time. He knows they'll be here. 

"It's been a while Gav!" 

Gavin turns around at the sound and smiles as he sees the three people he had been waiting on lean against the railing next to him. 

"Jeremy, Trevor, Steffie." Gavin nods at them all, careful not to draw attention. "It's been too long."

"What's up Gav?" Jeremy asks, his colorful hair now purple although Gavin swears it was red just a few days ago. Knowing Jeremy this isn't even the color that came after the red. Gavin doesn't know why these people he hung out with insisted on recognizable features. 

Jeremy's short stature seems even shorter as he leans against the railing. His eyes flicker between Gavin and the crowd mulling around the pier. Gavin doesn't even know when he first met Jeremy, his presence always on the edges of his periphery. Jeremy's brawler attitude seemed more muted than when Michael was present, and for that Gavin's thankful. He's not in the mood for a fight tonight, the nervous energy within him making him jumpy.

"Something wrong?" Steffie asks, her voice as soft as usual as she notices how restless Gavin is. Gavin sees the worry in her eyes although it doesn't bother him so much as it the Jones' worry had only a day ago. Gavin reels at that thought, it feels like its been longer than that. Steffie's ever present braids swing softly in the ocean breeze as she looks at him. Out of all the three of them he had called for, he knows he can trust her to have the intel he might need. 

Trevor stands still behind Steffie, longer and leaner and towering easily over her. His eyes are sharp, his features as sharp and Gavin sees that same determination he knows him for. Trevor and his insane calculation and wit, the softer energy more suited to Gavin than to the Jones'. Not much for over the top chaos, more for the calculated chaos, Trevor seems like he might know more about this mysterious Haywood than most people. 

"I need intel." Gavin says, glancing over the ragtag group of misfits. Jeremy seems less interested although he's still listening, but both Trevor and Steffie perk up at the mention of intel. Gavin's hands are shaking so much he pushes them into his pockets to hide them from the rest of them. His heart is beating so hard he's afraid it's going to burst out of his chest, but he knows he's too far gone to back down now. 

"On what?" Trevor asks carefully, twirling his phone between his thumb and index finger.

"Or who?" Steffie continues, her eyes looking at him with apprehension and a hint of curiosity. 

"This can never get out." Gavin says and waits for the others to nod. "I need to know more about Haywood Industries."

It's as bad as he thought. Jeremy visibly winces and looks at him with wide eyes. Steffie's jaw gets hard as she looks over the ocean and Trevor just freezes. 

"Gav that's not something you want to get into." Jeremy replies. Gavin sees how pale he is and yet he can't muster the same fear as the others are experiencing. He's too far, too enthralled and too curious about the mystery of both the business and the man in the car. He needs to know more, and he knows it's going to end badly but he can't make himself stop. 

"I don't need this right now." Gavin says, and he knows how harsh the edge on his words is. "I'd rather not be here either, but it's too far already."

Jeremy sighs, rubbing his eyes as Trevor shakes his head softly. 

"That place is no good news." Steffie says softly. "I know everything and anything about this city and even I don't know what's up with that place."

"Aw man I thought you'd know." Gavin sighs. 

"I've only heard the same stories as everybody else." She continues, casting a glance at Gavin. "Whatever they're doing it's shady as fuck."

"Gav people who poke around at Haywood end up gone." Jeremy interrupts, clearly upset with how this evening turned out for him. Gavin averts his gaze from Jeremy's eyes as Jeremy huffs beside him. "Please tell me you haven't been poking around."

As Gavin's silence stretches out Gavin hears Jeremy swear and the others mutter softly. There's a rock in Gavin's stomach, a fear of ending up dead in a ditch somewhere that he's been purposefully suppressing since he emerged out of that car into the pouring rain. He knows he shouldn't poke around, he knows this will only end up badly and his guts rumble at the mere thought. 

But those piercing blue eyes doesn't seem to leave him. No matter what he does, if he's awake or not, those eyes pull him like a magnet. It's like in all the stories about mermaids, Gavin knows he's wading into the blue water that's too deep and too dark for him to see what's waiting for him. 

There's a thrill to it all. He can't deny the deep hunger he feels, that enthralling fear that the man in the car cast over him and now everything else around him seems so grey and dull. It's like he's been blind his entire life and now he can see. He shakes with the nervous energy that's within him, an energy he's not sure will ever be still if he's not with him. 

"Gav-" Jeremy says softly, placing his hand on Gavin's shoulder. "Fuck man, I don't know what to say."

"Just tell me if you know anything about the man or the business." Gavin replies, turning to look at the three of them. 

"The man's a mystery." Trevor replies, the phone in his hands now still. "Nobody knows if he even exists, not at least as the figure the business is trying to sell to the public. As far as the business goes, I have no idea what they're offering. But I know it's lucrative. If this Haywood dude is real, he's far more powerful than anybody in this city. Fuck, maybe anybody in this country."

"I've not heard much about the man." Steffie adds. "But enough to know that there's one man behind all of it. There's not many who dare to speak his name, not many who's survived after getting too close."

"But?" Gavin chimes in, sensing the but that lingered in the air. Steffie glances at him, looks at him for a while searching for something in his face. Gavin wants to squirm away from her gaze but plants his feet and stands his ground.

"All I've heard about the man himself is that he has striking blue eyes."

It's as if Gavin's stomach drops five feet at the same time his heart jumps into his throat and it takes all of Gavin's willpower not to let it show. The man he had been merely three feet from had been the man the entire city feared but somehow that only enhanced the way butterflies fluttered in his gut. 

"Anything else?" Gavin manages to ask, turning around to look at the vastness of the clear sky above the ocean, pretending not to be overpowered with his thoughts. That nervous energy returned with a hunger so forbidden it takes Gavin's breath away. 

He shouldn't be so turned on right now. His knees shouldn't be shaking with god knows what emotion at the thought of looking into those blue eyes again. He shouldn't be lusting to see him again, he should be terrified for his life no matter how empty and meaningless it seemed after their meeting. 

"I've got nothing." Jeremy states pushing off the railing and patting Gavin's shoulder. "Fuck man, whatever mess you're in call me if you need backup."

"Don't worry about me guys." Gavin replies with a practiced and confident smile to silence the three of them and their offers to help him. "I'm not worried, and I don't want to drag you into this mess if I can help it."

He dismisses their worry and tells them to go home and forget that they saw him. The irony of him giving the same suggestion to his friends that Haywood gave him a day ago doesn't escape him. He watches them give him worried glances but finally they leave him to his racing thoughts.

Gavin watches them walk away from him, the breeze of the ocean flying through his hood making it flutter as he turns back to look at the crowd. It's late, most of the families have headed home and the rest of the crowd seem to be on the edge of leaving as well. 

He can't stop thinking about those eyes, those piercing and icy eyes and a thrill runs through him. At this point he's not sure if it's fear or lust, he's fine with both. The danger of it all makes it all the more exciting for him as he thinks back at how filled with lust he had been in that car and every single moment since. 

This Haywood bloke had appeared from nowhere and now every second of his absence seems like torture. Gavin bites his lip as he thinks about how Haywood would take learning about him snooping around. He specifically told him to stay away but Gavin's resolve had crumbled in a pitiful 24 hours. He had lasted barely a day without seeking him out. 

He knows he should be ashamed about himself and the hunger that resides in him. He knows this is not the man he should be lusting for. And yet every moment there's a fire burning inside him, a deeply rooted need to be taken by him. At this point he's too far gone to even think logically about the danger in it all, the hunger so overpowering that he feels like he's drowning. 

Gavin pushes himself off the railing and shoves his hands in the pockets of his hoodie as he starts to walk home. It's a long hike, and yet Gavin takes the long way around to avoid getting home to his empty apartment too soon. 

His converses are light against the pavement, dry and cold in the night. The skyscrapers around him are tall and empty, the streetlights competing for his attention with the neon signs that he so dearly loves. His eyes roam around the edges of the technicolor lights and he smiles as he thinks about the view he painted in Haywood's lab. 

He wonders if he liked it. For Gavin it had been the culmination of years and years of work, honing his art. It was his masterpiece, the skyline so perfect and accurate, the golden smiley he left behind identifying himself. He's not sure if he left it there because he wanted the attention or if he just enjoyed the thrill of leaving something of his soul behind. 

A cab beeps at him as he rushes over the road to Main street. He watches drunken couples wobble towards the cabs and he's never felt more disconnected from the everyday life than now. He's got no interest in joining them, instead he turns his attention away from them as he continues to walk, his feet carrying like they had all these years. 

He stops at the restaurant a block away from his apartment, trying to plan for the moment later on when he'd be starving. Having food already at his place would be easier, and far less likely of him ending up in a stranger’s car. He's suddenly unsure if he wants that or not, his sense overriding his lust and he waits for his order by the large windows lost in his thoughts.

He grabs the plastic bag he's given and returns to his path back home. The night is dark and quiet around him, the wind cold and it sends shivers up his spine. 

He feels that things will reach their apex soon in one way or another. His soul aches and his knees buckle as he walks thinking about the end of it all. It's true that his life is a mess, a grey mess of meaningless painting and destruction, a life that he never thought would be his. 

The thought tastes bitter in his mouth and he sighs so deep that he thinks most of his lungs are gone with it. He feels old and tired and nothing like the glamorous image he imagined when he moved here. He's nothing like him, like Haywood. Maybe that's why he feels that pull. A man so powerful that people whisper his name and scatter under his gaze. His heart skips a beat, stuttering in his chest as he tries to ignore the way his stomach tightens at the thought of Haywood and the fear he instills in the people around him. 

Gavin knows he's terrified. He's so scared his insides want to be on the outside, his legs struggling between wanting to carry him away from it all and collapsing under the weight of his terror. He's conflicted between the fear he knows he should have and respect, and the hunger that burns him with the strength of the sun. 

How he wants to become unraveled underneath Haywood's gaze. And even though he knows it'll end bad that thought makes him gasp softly. He's conflicted, and it makes his mind reel. The hunger for Haywood overpowers the fear that lingers deep inside him. He knows this is wrong, he shouldn't be chasing that hunger. He knows he's playing with fire. 

God, he needs to get home and sort everything out. Gavin's step quickens as he nears his apartment, shabby and towering over the dimly lit street it's situated on. Having given his hunger an inch it had taken all of him, the hardness in his pants straining against the zipper. His hands are fisted, the knuckles white as he hurries over the street and into the quiet and dark building. 

His breath is labored as he emerges on his floor, both from the way he rushed up the stairs in his hurry to get his pants off and his mind imagining all the things Haywood could do to him, to the way his eyes would never leave his, how Gavin's body would ache. He's sure he's bit through his lip by now, the pain of his bite somehow heightening his arousal. 

He hesitates at that thought. An undercurrent of sense flows through him and he feels naked in the corridor just outside his apartment, his cock already hard at the prospect of the most feared man in the city having his way with him. He knows it's wrong, that he shouldn't be chasing him or it, the hunger biting at his sense until he succumbs to that hungry need inside him and moves with a frantic energy to unlock the door to his apartment. 

His hands shake as he throws his keys away from him, the bag of take-out heavy in his hand as he walks deeper into the apartment, not bothering to turn on his lights, the bright orange light would only make him more ashamed of the lust inside him. 

"I'm curious. Are you deaf or just plain stupid?"

Gavin jumps and screams as the light by his armchair flicks on. He drops his bag of take-out on the floor and stumbles against the wall as Haywood looks up at him from the chair. 

The silver edge of the knife balanced in his hands gleams in the light and Haywood looks up at Gavin with a tilted head. Gavin's heart is racing, and his hands are sweaty, fear rearing his head as he can't decide whether to look at those eyes that had plagued him or the blade that swirls in Haywood's hands. 

He’s breathtaking. Gavin’s stomach flutters at the sight of him in his shabby apartment. Haywood clashes against everything Gavin owns.

"I asked you a question." Haywood repeats, his voice lower than low and carrying a threat he didn't even need to make. Gavin's mind races as he tries to figure out what he needs to stay, trying to ignore the heat that rushes through his body as adrenaline fills his veins and electrifies his nerves.

"I'm sorry I don't-" 

"It's sir." 

Gavin mind freezes as Haywood replies to him so curtly and cuts him off. His blue eyes stare at him, reminding him of an icy blizzard as they roam over his body, sending shivers that run rampant through his body. 

"I'm sorry sir." Gavin splutters nervously as Haywood stands up from the chair. "Please, sir!"

The way Haywood's coat cascades down his back reminds Gavin of royalty and for some reason his knees give out as he kneels his hands up in front of him as Haywood slowly walks over to his cowering body and looks down at him. Gavin notices the crisp tailored suit and his eyes follow up the length of Haywood's body, lingering on how the suit is tailored around him, until he finally gazes into those piercing eyes. 

"I seem to remember telling you to forget about our little discussion." Haywood drawls, slowly as he's in no rush as he inspects the blade in his hand with a bored gaze. Gavin's hands are visibly shaking as he holds them up to shield himself, his eyes wide and focused on the sharp edge of the knife that he's sure will end his life. "Imagine my surprise when I was made aware of your inquiries."

"Please-" Gavin whimpers, and as Haywood's eyes flick back down at him with a simmering fury he hurries to correct himself. "Please sir, I didn't learn anything!"

"I'm disappointed." Haywood drawls after a while that felt like an eternity. "A former hacker turned vandal like you should've found something. I guess I had you pegged wrong."

Gavin's not sure what gets into him but the urge to please this man towering over him with a knife in his hand overpowers him and he's tripping over his words in his hurry.

"I did learn that nobody knows anything about you." Gavin whispers, his gaze falling from Haywood's eyes to his Italian leather shoes that seem so out of place on his dirty floor. "That people whisper your name, that they fear you."

Haywood's silent for so long Gavin shivers, waiting for the knife to plunge into his back. The fact that he would welcome it terrifies Gavin more than the man holding the knife, and a rush of endorphins rush through him as he can feel Haywood's eyes on him. 

"Do you?" Haywood's voice is low and still carries through the entire apartment and through Gavin, sending a shiver down his spine. Gavin dares to look up at the man, so tall and broad from this angle, the light behind him drawing shadows on his face, illuminating him like a god. 

Gavin looks at Haywood's eyes, those enthralling eyes and for some reason he doesn't want to know, he turns his attention to his shoes, sinking down until he presses his lips against the soft leather. He stays like his for a moment, then turns and presses his lips against the other shoe. His heart is so loud in his chest he's sure the entire city can hear it. The fiery excitement and hunger inside him feels like an inferno, his blood rushing through him burning him, and he can feel his cock get hard again under Haywood's gaze that pierces his skull. 

If this is the way Gavin dies, he'd welcome it.

“Well you’re an interesting one, aren’t you?” Haywood muses with an amused edge in his voice. Gavin’s heart flutters at the sound and there nothing sweeter in the world than that sound. That small remark, no quite a compliment but close enough for him, it makes his heart sing and he drinks it all as if he needs it to survive.

Gavin raises his gaze from Haywood’s shoes to his face and sees him watching him with a curious gaze. Gavin stays on his knees, so close to him he feels like he does after inhaling his paint fumes for hours. His head spins, his heart hammers against his rib cage like a jackhammer and he wants nothing more than to please this man.

Gavin’s tongue darts out to lick his lips and he sees how Haywood’s eyes flicker and turn darker at the sight of him on his knees in front of him. Gavin’s breath gets caught in his chest at the thought of how he might look like this.

There’s nothing more than burning hunger inside Gavin, no shame or doubt. It’s as the air around them is electrified and time stands still as Gavin waits patiently, his need buzzing inside him like a swarm of bees. 

“You wanted me to seek you out, didn’t you?” Haywood asks, his voice low and filled with authority. Even without that Gavin knows he would’ve answered him. 

“Yes sir.” Gavin replies and doesn’t shy away from how breathy his voice is. He doesn’t shy away from Haywood’s eyes piercing him through and through as he has nothing to hide from him.

Gavin's eyes widen with surprise as he feels Haywood's hand grab him by his hair. He feels a shiver run down his spine as Haywood's fingers dig deep into his messy hair until they're finally flat against his scalp. Gavin's mouth falls open at the sensation of Haywood's sharp tug and he gasps as he lets his head be pulled back by Haywood, exposing his throat to him. His body is roaring with the need, his mind too shattered to even feel the fear of him cutting him open with his pretty knife. All he knows is the flame this man ignited in him with just his touch. 

"So eager." Haywood murmurs above him as Gavin shudders as he feels the cold blunt edge of his knife trace his jawline. His breath is quick in his chest, his eyes closed to survive the sensory onslaught rushing inside him. "Look at me."

Gavin's eyes fly open, no second thought to drowning in everything that's raging within him. His eyes snap to Haywood's, his expressive, icy eyes looking at him, through him, into him. Gavin makes a strangled noise, a noise so soft that he's unsure if anyone could hear it but Haywood's gaze flickers over his neck and chest and Gavin stays still under his gaze that feels like it's cutting him open, baring him for the world. 

"Please sir." Gavin whimpers, wetting his lips as he watches Haywood. "Please let me make it up to you."

He's not sure where the words came from, the hunger within him overpowering and all thoughts of his own pleasure forgotten. He wants to make Haywood feel good, he wants to taste him and give him pleasure. 

Haywood's eyes lock with Gavin's and Gavin shivers. Lust, fear, need, it doesn't matter. All he can think about is Haywood's cock resting on his tongue, all he can think about is his pleasure washing down his throat. Haywood looks at him for a while, weighing his options. But Gavin's seen how turned on he is, his eyes flickering over Haywood's prominent bulge and the size of it makes the coil inside Gavin tighten. 

Haywood's hand slips from his hair, cupping Gavin's jaw almost experimentally. His hand is warm, and it sends wildfires through Gavin as he feels his hand travel forward until he feels Haywood's thumb rest against his lips. Gavin presses a soft kiss on his thumb, but Haywood just watches him, with almost a curious edge in his gaze.

Gavin parts his lips, Haywood's thumb entering his mouth and Gavin swirls his tongue against the pad. Haywood's eyes darken as Gavin closes his lips around his thumb, his cheeks hollowing out and sucking his thumb, welcoming him into the slick wetness of his mouth. Gavin's eyes are locked with Haywood's, his gaze dark and sinful as Gavin continues to swirl around his thumb. 

Gavin's hunger simmers inside him, the thought of this actually happening swirling like a poisonous fog inside his mind. The thumb in his mouth would be nothing compared to Haywood's cock and the thought makes Gavin moan. He hears Haywood's breath hitch above him and as soon as the thumb had entered his mouth it's gone again. 

Gavin watches Haywood brush his wet thumb against his leg as he unbuckles his belt. Gavin's practically vibrating with energy, the hunger inside him making him shake and shiver as he watches Haywood unzip his fly and reach in and pull his cock out. 

Gavin's eyes are on his cock as soon as it's out. He gasps at the size of it, everything he'd had before paled in comparison to the cock right in front of him. Already hard and flush with the loveliest shade of pink Gavin swears he's ever seen he's sure that everything else would forever pale in comparison to Haywood. 

He barely has time to admire his cock before Haywood's hand is back in his hair, pulling him closer and as his lips touch the tip of his cock Gavin's jaw falls open to fit him into his mouth. He's thicker, longer than anything he's had in his mouth before, but he doesn't care about the way the corners of his lips are taut, or the way he can feel the tip of Haywood's cock rest against the back of his throat. Gavin clenches his thumb in his fist to help him, focusing on breathing through his nose.

He's given no time, no wait before Haywood slams back into his mouth and all Gavin can do is hang on, his knuckles white as he grips his own thighs, afraid of Haywood's reaction of him reaching out for him. Gavin's eyes water as Haywood fucks his mouth, all of his attention focused on being good for him, of curling his tongue against Haywood's thick cock. 

Gavin's never been fucked like this before. He's struggling to breathe, struggling not to gag, struggling to keep his mouth open for him, his eyes are watering, he feels spit run down his cheek and yet he's never felt more alive. His hunger grows inside him, the desperate need to be good for Haywood filling him.

Gavin looks up, his eyes watering but he doesn't care as he watches Haywood's face as he pounds into his mouth. The hand in his hair that keeps slamming Gavin against his thrusts tightens as Haywood notices him looking at him. He vaguely hears Haywood suck in a breath between all the wet noises around him, and Gavin's filled with pleasure to see him appreciate him. 

Gavin's sure he's ravished, his hollow cheeks providing warmth and heat for Haywood, his eyes never leaving his, his own need like a rain forest on fire within him. The constant pounding into his mouth makes Gavin's skin prickle with the thought of having him pound into him, stretching him wide and fucking him until he's raw and nothing more than a puddle on the bed, the floor or the pavement. Gavin didn't care anymore, the only things in the universe are the hunger burning him alive and the cock that slams into his throat. He moans, constricting around Haywood and he feels a sharp tug of his hair as Haywood feels Gavin's moan run through him.

Time stretches and compresses, Gavin's hunger remaining as an anchor to hold on to as he takes whatever's given to him. He's sure he's pressed his fingernails through his fists already, he's sure Haywood's going to fuck right through his head and he's sure that he'll die without his cock inside him. 

Haywood's grunt fills Gavin and he moans around him. He feels his cock twitch against his tongue and makes sure his eyes never close as he feels the first spurt of cum hit the back of his throat, the salty bitterness feeling like the sweetest nectar in the world.

Gavin swallows around him, feeling Haywood's cum hit the back of his throat. He makes sure to clean him, his tongue swirling around him, sucking away any spit or cum on his cock. He looks back up at Haywood. He's watching him, and Gavin feels like he's going to burst under his intense gaze as he watches Gavin worship his cock. 

Gavin feels the streaks of spit on his cheeks, dripping down on his thighs and hands. He knows his lips are red and swollen, his eyes wet but he doesn't shy away from Haywood's gaze as he looks at him through his eyelashes. 

Haywood's hand releases his head and cups his jaw softly, almost tenderly before letting go of Gavin. He feels cold and empty as Haywood's touch leaves him, the burning hunger inside him still unsatisfied. Haywood looks at Gavin with a curious expression on his face as he tucks himself back in and zips himself up. 

Gavin's words fail him as he watches Haywood loom over him. He's vulnerable in more than one way, catching the gleam of the silver knife still in Haywood's hand out of the corner of his eye. But more than the fear of death, he's afraid of something bigger than that. He's afraid that this was it, that the end's here, that this is all he gets. 

"Good boy." Haywood drawls softly and Gavin heart feels like it's collapsing in his chest under the pride and pleasure that surges through him and he smiles up at Haywood. Now that his cock isn't inside him anymore he's more acutely aware of his own situation, his precum soaking through his jeans and his cock straining against the rough fabric of his jeans. Haywood's eyes are drawn to Gavin's bulge as if through magnetism. "Take care of yourself and think of me as you come."

Gavin moans at Haywood's command and stays put, on his knees even though his thighs are sore and protesting this position. Haywood looks at him once more, his eyes roaming over Gavin's mouth and down to his cock with hungry eyes that make Gavin twitch and the coil inside him tighten even more. 

Haywood moves out of his reach and Gavin hears a soft thud and then the door closes behind him. Gavin's knees give out and he collapses on the floor, his head filled with everything that just happened, his jaw sore from its workout and his cock straining in his jeans. Gavin's hands are quick to pull his jeans off just enough for him to grab his cock. He knows it won't take much, he's too far gone, too into his hunger and pleasure and as his thumb flicks over his slit he cries out. 

His back arches as his hand is frantic, the friction delicious and burning him from the outside as his hunger roars on the inside. His toes curl as his mouth falls open, curses mixing with moans as he chases the edge, imagining Haywood's thick cock slamming into him making him beg for it and Gavin's eyes roll back as his cum splatters over his arm and his shirt. He goes limp, his body slamming into the ground as he shakes and shivers through his orgasm. 

It took minutes, hours, years for Gavin to muster enough strength to sit up again. The sticky mess on his arm and shirt feels less dirty and more exciting, as if a physical evidence of what had happened. A laugh bubbles out of his mouth and he laughs and laughs feeling that excitement and thrill fill his post-shag brain with endorphins. 

His eyes leave the sticky mess on him and he looks up at the door. Right by the door he sees Haywood's knife sticking out of the drywall. Gavin stands up on shaky legs and walks over, past the takeout that's now cold on the floor, past the keys he dropped as he arrived until he stands by the knife.

Gavin knows barely the basics of knives, but he knows this one is expensive. The silver blade glimmers in the light and Gavin can see his face reflected back to him. His eyes are sparkling, his skin glistening, and his lips are red and swollen and he looks absolutely unraveled. 

Gavin grabs the intricately carved handle, pulling on it with all his strength until it pops out of the wall. Gavin's quick hands grab the paper it had been holding up and walks back to the light. The knife is heavy in his hand, the metal cold and deadly, the paper pristine and white. 

On the whiteness Gavin sees black numbers and he smiles as he realizes that it's a phone number. His business card. Gavin’s entire body shivers as the hunger rears its head inside him, his knees giving out once again as he collapses into the same worn armchair Haywood had been sitting in. 

"Shit." He mutters, looking at the number on the card and a laugh bubbles out of him. He fills the apartment with his laugh, with the bubbling and swelling joy inside of him. 

He turns the knife around in his hand, the gleaming metal feeling cold and scorching hot in his hand as curiosity takes over and he presses the tip of the knife carefully against his fingertip. It barely touches his skin but cuts him open and Gavin hisses as he sucks his finger into his mouth to prevent blood from getting everywhere. 

The thought that this knife had been flush against his skin thrills him more than he knows it should.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eyes emoji*


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The birds are starting to sing even up north, the sun is shining brightly and warmly and it's time for another chapter! Happy Friday!
> 
> This chapter starts with the real plot, so it's a bit different from the previous chapter. I'm a bit nervous to start with the plot as I've seen this story as more of a smutty thing. But for smut to be good and maintainable there needs to be plot. So yeah. Plot ahoy. Don't worry though, the smut will make a return. 
> 
> No new content warnings or tags, although there's a new mystery character entering the fray. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments make my week. It's been a challenging week this week as I had a lot on my plate so I wasn't even sure I'd get this one out on time. But your amazing support has made me persevere and get this thing out for you. I love you all ❤

Gavin's a mess.

That's nothing usual but since he first picked up that business card from where it was impaled into his poor wall, that same card has been burning a hole through him. He tries to ignore it first, taking a shower to look more like a human than someone who willingly let the most powerful man in the city fuck their face.

The card remains on the bed during his shower but after he steps out of the shower, dripping wet and still tingling with remnants of pleasure, Gavin doesn't know what to do with it. A wallet seems like a good idea at first, but he doesn't want to lose it or have a random mugger get this number. If Haywood had been upset at him poking around he can't imagine what he'd do to him if he finds out Gavin let a mugger get his number. Gavin's sure that after Haywood would be done with the mugger, the things he'd do to Gavin might not be as nice as they had been.

Gavin doesn't want to leave it unattended. Somehow, he figures it will be better to keep an eye on it, even if he wouldn't call him. He tries to find a book to put it into but decides against it, knowing how much Lindsay likes to rummage through his books when she becomes bored during game night.

Gavin stops at the middle of his apartment, huffing his frustration at not finding the perfect spot. It's not like there's a ton of hiding places in his tiny apartment, but he figured he'd find something. He looks around, his eyes roaming over the kitchen, the counter tops, the cabinets, the small fridge. He doesn’t find anything. He turns and scans his living room, that magical armchair, his old couch and the small coffee table. It's all too open.

He steps into his bedroom. The dark curtains are still drawn shut making the room dark and stuffy. He doesn't know what gets into him, it's already morning and the sun is shining outside but he walks up to the curtains and draws them open.

The amount of dust in the air is alarming, and Gavin covers his mouth as he looks around his bedroom. It's sadder this way he thinks with a clarity he tributes to the sun pouring in over the crumpled sheets on the bed, the glasses of water on his nightstand and the amount of dirty clothes on his floor.

Haywood must've seen all this. Gavin groans and hides his face in his hands as he imagines Haywood in his designer suit and Italian leather shoes peak into his mess. How Gavin wishes he'd cleaned up.

He sticks the card into his back pocket for now and proceeds to tidy things up. After returning all his water glasses and thrown out the trash, he picks up the clothes and throws them into his hamper. He doesn't know why he bothers, in terms of Haywood knowing how he lives the games already been lost. But he picks the laundry up anyways and makes a beeline to the laundry room.

There's something soothing in the way his clothes roll around inside the washing machine and Gavin finds himself lost in thought as he sits on the dryer and watches his clothes tumble.

In the sunshine of a fresh day he's unsure on how he's supposed to feel. His hand reaches up to rub his jaw absentmindedly, it's still tingling with the exertion.

He can't deny that it had felt good. Amazing in fact, the best sexual experience of his life. There's something in the way Haywood took control, used him for his own pleasure, that makes Gavin shiver even know. It had been intense, a level of pleasure he's never experienced before. And he hadn't even come himself, not until Haywood allowed him to do so.

Yet, now in the light of a fresh day with fresh clothes and skin without the sticky mess of his pleasure Gavin feels a bit unsure. Judging by the way everyone else referred to Haywood, Gavin knows he should be a shivering mess weeping in fear. But he's quite sure he isn't. There had been a million ways his life could've ended last night but it hadn't. He had been at Haywood’s mercy but Haywood hadn't ended his life. That's a thought that sends shivers through his body.

He's curious for the most part. Was this thing something Haywood did often, or did he make an exception for Gavin? Gavin doesn't know which one he prefers, knowing that this wasn't a big deal or having to figure out why Haywood had chosen him?

Gavin rubs his arms, hugging them closer to him as he frowns. He's nothing special, he knows that. That's the one thing he's been taught time after time, first at home and then here in the city, where nobody paid him any attention. He's everything Haywood isn't. And yet he remembers that intoxicating wholeness and pleasure that filled him as Haywood looked at him like he's the only thing in the world.

He sighs as he jumps down to transfer his clothes to the dryer and hops on the washer as the familiar rumble fills the room again. He's tired, his bones rattling with a tiredness that's familiar yet somehow heightened. He can still feel Haywood's hand in his hair, those strong fingers resting warmly against his scalp. He can feel his hand cupping his jaw, his thumb in his mouth, the cold edge of Haywood's knife running against his skin. It's like the fire that consumed and burned him alive only hours ago still simmers deep inside him, waiting to pounce and consume him again.

He's not sure why he shivers, but he wraps his arms around him tighter.

How had it turned out like this? It had only been a bit over a day ago that he even stumbled into this mess. Without that choice of tagging Haywood Industries, he would've been in bed right now, blissfully unaware of the world just behind the curtains. He wouldn't have met Haywood, he wouldn't spend every waking moment thinking about Haywood, he wouldn't have given into the pleasure so easily, given himself over in a blink of an eye. He wouldn't have this fire inside him.

As much as he tries, he can't make himself regret his choices.

He abandons his thoughts as he pulls his warm and clean clothes out of the dryer and heads back upstairs with his hamper. He had lost his sense of time, the warmth that radiated through the windows in the lobby hitting him like a sledgehammer. He scuttles onward, the hamper light in his arms and his step is lighter than in a while.

Gavin can't ignore the fleeting moments with Haywood that had felt so alive, so vibrant. His life before him had been grey and uneventful outside a few cop chaises, but ever since he was thrown into the backseat of Haywood’s car his life has felt alive once again.

And what's he's got to lose? A shitty apartment, a shittier way of life, a sad excuse for life? He shakes his head, no this would be worth it even if it ended up with him in a ditch, because as much as the thought fights with his mind; he'd die if it meant the chance to give himself over to Haywood.

He steps out into his own corridor but stops before his door as he sees that it's open. He's sure he left it closed as he left, and fear trickles back into his body and mind, replacing all traces of pleasure. How he wished he'd taken Haywood’s knife with him as he left.

He inches towards the door, and he hears to people inside his apartment. He can't make out what they're saying but they seem agitated. Gavin figures he could dash in and grab the knife from the kitchen counter where he left it earlier. If the intruders didn't have weapons he should be alright.

He peeks around the door, and as his eyes land on the man with a brown leather jacket he laughs and straightens himself.

"What the shit are you doing in my apartment?" Gavin asks as he enters, pulling the door shut behind him. Michael spins around from where he'd been pacing by the couch and Lindsay pokes her head from the bedroom.

"You're alive." Michael states with wide eyes, his expression going from surprise to realization and finally, predictably, to anger. "Where the fuck have you been!"

"Laundry?" Gavin replies motioning to the hamper in his arms. He's not sure why the Jones' are here or why they seem so agitated at him.

"You motherfucker!" Michael exclaims frustrated as Gavin can hear Lindsay give out a small relieved laugh.

"We were worried sick." Lindsay states, walking out of his bedroom and embraces Michael who still seems to be riding his anger. "Thought you had been-"

"Had been what?" Gavin asks confused, putting the hamper down on the kitchen cabinets as Lindsay falls silent.

Michael and Lindsay exchange looks, and Gavin raises his eyebrow at them. They seem nervous, Lindsay fidgeting with the hairband on her wrist and Michael seems a bit sheepish now.

"Killed or taken or something." Michael finally says. "I mean we come here and you're not here sleeping like usual, and the curtains are drawn, and someone's cleaned."

"Excuse me for cleaning I guess." Gavin replies. He grabs his arm as he stands in front of his two friends, unsure on why they'd think such things and also very conscious about the fact that he'd been used for pleasure on the same spot they are currently standing on.

"Jesus fuck." Michael sighs and rubs his eyes. "Sorry Gav, I just heard- it doesn't matter."

"You heard what?" Gavin asks, his voice low with hesitation. He better not have heard anything about his snooping from Jeremy or the rest, he told them to keep this thing private.

"It's nothing." Michael attempts to brush it off but stops at the sight of Gavin. "Jeremy just told me that you'd been looking into Haywood-"

"Goddamn it!" Gavin exclaims. He can't believe what he's hearing, if things leaked around this badly he's no longer surprised or curious about how Haywood keeps finding out about his snooping. "Doesn't anything stay between two people anymore? This fucking city I swear to god."

"If it helps he was super worried too." Lindsay chimes in, looking sheepish on how things had turned out. "He came to us since he couldn't reach you this morning, he thought Haywood had found out about you looking into him. Which is apparently something you've been doing?"

If they only knew how right Jeremy's fear had been.

"Tell Jeremy my phone's dead and I would've been sleeping anyways at this hour." Gavin sighs, the lack of sleep catching up with him like a train barreling at him. "Besides I told you guys not to worry about it."

"Fuck that, we're your friends." Michael laughs. "We're allowed to be worried about you poking into things that will end with you disemboweled or something."

"Just trust me when I say I'm fine." Gavin says. "I promise I'll reach out if I'm in too deep."

"As if you'd know that before it's too late." Michael huffs. "Remember that time down south a few years ago?"

"That wasn't my fault and I did get myself out of it didn't I?" Gavin says but smiles. "I get that you're worried, I really do but trust me on this. I'm fine."

Michael looks at him with one of his signature disbelieving glares, but Lindsay bumps him softly.

"We trust your judgement." Lindsay says, and Michael's glare doesn't last long before he sighs and nods.

"Thanks." Gavin replies and picks his hamper up. "I'll throw these into the bedroom."

He walks past them, the hamper heavier in his hands than before and he draws a long breath as he's alone in the now clean, at least cleaner, bedroom. He didn't want to involve his friends in this, he didn't want to expose them to the danger or the twisted sense of pleasure he gets from just being around Haywood.

He knows they'll never understand. Michael would be too afraid, too protective and would seek out trouble. He can't bear the thought of something happening to either one of them because of something Gavin did or chose. He doesn't want them to poke around at this, to figure out how far gone Gavin really is.

He's torn, he loves his friends and wants them safe and to do that he knows he should stop seeking Haywood out. But at the same time Haywood makes him see things in color, makes him feel things he knows he won't feel anywhere else or with anyone else. He's like the air, the sun and the colors and as much as he wants to protect his friends he knows that he can't stay away, he's only prolonging that final step.

He lets go of the hamper, rubs his tired face and walks back out into the living space. Michael's leaning against the wall by the fridge and Gavin sees Lindsay make a beeline for something silvery on the cabinet and Gavin's warning dies in his throat as Lindsay picks up the knife.

"What's the deal with this knife?" Lindsay asks and before Gavin's warning reaches her ears she's pricked her thumb. "What the hell?"

"I'm sorry, it's super sharp!" Gavin exclaims as he rushes to look over the damage. The cut on her thumb is small and Gavin reaches over to hand her his towel.

"Where did you get this?" Michael asks, taking the knife from the counter where Lindsay had dropped it. "It's expensive looking as fuck."

"An- acquaintance." Gavin says, struggling a word to assign to Haywood. "Forgot it here I guess."

Michael raises his eyebrow at him, but Gavin doesn't shy under his gaze. And it's not like he was lying. Haywood's not quite a friend, hopefully not a onetime shag, not an employer. What do you even call a man the entire city fears and who Gavin willfully let use his face for his own pleasure?

"Sure thing." Michael replies, drawing out the syllables as he carefully turns the knife in his hands. "It's a good-looking knife."

"I wouldn't know." Gavin replies, looking at the way the light bounces off the gleaming blade. He has to admit that it's a gorgeous knife and knowing who's knife it is makes it even more beautiful. "I guess it's a pretty knife."

"Not only that, it's balanced perfectly." Michael says, losing his annoyance with Gavin as he continues to swirl the knife. He holds the knife up on his finger where it stays evenly, not wobbling a bit. "This is a quality knife. Expensive as fuck, wouldn't surprise me if it was handmade for a specific person."

"How do you even know so much about knives Michael?" Gavin asks, his voice filled with awe. "Never thought you'd be the type for knives."

"Jeremy can't stop talking about knives." Michael huffs, partially annoyed and partially amused. "I pick up on things, and he's like really into knives."

Michael stops and looks at Gavin for a moment, his head turned as he looks him over. Gavin resists the urge to squirm under his gaze, so familiar but so different from Haywood's gaze. He scolds himself, he shouldn't be comparing everything around him to Haywood, but at the same time the man seems to reside on the top of his mind.

"He could give you a few pointers." Michael finally says. "If you have this knife it would be safer if you knew anything about knives."

"Sure." Gavin replies, not wanting to share with Michael that he'd rather learn from Haywood himself. He can imagine how close to him he would stand, his breath heavy and warm on his neck and his strong arms around him, positioning him, teaching him. He bites down hard on his tongue to focus, to not let his mind slip like this when others are around. "I'll be sure to hit him up."

The apartment falls silent. Gavin fidgets with his phone as Michael looks over Lindsay's finger. He presses a soft kiss on her forehead and Gavin looks away, the sweet love that pours between them too sweet for him. His mind wanders to Haywood, wondering if he's ever kissed someone’s forehead like that, with that same level of adoration in his eyes. Gavin frowns, not sure if he even wants that.

"We should head home." Michael says and doesn't look away from Lindsay. Gavin feels sick to his stomach but smiles at the two of them as they turn to look at him. "You sure you're alright and not in any trouble?"

"Absolutely." Gavin answers, not voicing that doubt that flutters in his heart. "I should head to bed anyways."

Michael nods, the small frown on his face not disappearing at Gavin's words. Gavin knows Michael will worry, he knows he'll hover but for now Gavin's satisfied by the answers he gave to the Jones'. Maybe they'll give him space for now.

Gavin closes the door behind the Jones', assuring them that he's fine and as he hears them walk away from his door he rests his head against the door and sighs deeply. He rolls around, his fingers reaching out to touch the indentation in the wall beside the door. He smiles softly, then frowns at his smile. He's got to be twisted to find happiness in the mark of a knife in his wall.

His feet drag him to the bedroom, not bothering to put away the clothes he washed. He reaches for the card still in his pocket, brushing his fingers over the numbers. He wants to call him so bad.

Gavin shakes his head, pulling his clothes off and tossing them on the floor as he climbs into the bed. He pulls his arms around him, suddenly hyper aware of the scratchy bed linens round him, the flatness of his pillow and the lonely emptiness that suffocates him.

The business card under his pillow feels cold and sharp against his fingers as he drifts off to what will undoubtedly be a fitful sleep. Haywood's eyes watch over him and he smiles softly as he closes his eyes.

Gavin sits up from his bed as he wakes up late that night, the familiar darkness feeling like a blanket outside his apartment. He looks outside, at the comforting sight trying to feel calm and rested.

He can't. The card under his pillow feels like a beacon calling for him. His fingers reach for it and he looks at the crisp whiteness. A choice. Deep down he knows his decision, a decision that was never truly in his hands, a decision he made the first time he saw Haywood.

He throws his clothes on and makes his way to the kitchen. The apartment is empty and echoing, his eyes lingering on that spot on the floor as he makes a coffee for himself.

There's a nervous energy that crackles inside him, contrasting the simmering fire. He's unsure if he should feel as comfortable and at home with that fire as he is, but he doesn't want to mull over it. He drinks his coffee, the loud silence around him deafening and his hand shakes as he rinses his cup.

Gavin stares at the card in front of him, the whiteness of the card laying on his coffee table contrasting against the blackness of his phone. He doesn't know if he should do this. The doubt lingers in his mind, the doubt if he's pushing his luck with Haywood. Maybe he should just step away now as he can.

Not that he knows that he could step away. He's seen Haywood's face, let him have himself, let Haywood's eyes and presence dig their roots into into his spine and the back of his mind. He's too far gone, and he knows it, embraces it as he sees his hands reach out for his phone and tap in the number with shaking hands.

Gavin bites his nails as he waits. And waits. It feels like an eternity, the number not picking up. He shouldn't have done this, he should've waited. It hasn't even been a day since he left, he should've waited-

"Hello."

Gavin freezes at the unfamiliar voice that answers him. The deep voice sounds friendly, but most importantly it's not Haywood. Gavin doesn't know if he misdialed, if he was given this number on purpose or whether he should just hang up.

"Uhh-" Gavin says into the phone. "I'm not sure if I dialed correctly-"

"Could you please identify yourself and I'll tell you." The voice replies to him. Gavin can hear a hint of authority in his voice, he knows he's talking to someone who knows more than he lets on.

"Um, it's Gavin." Gavin answers hesitantly, wondering if he should regret giving his name so quickly.

"Mr. Free." The voice replies. "Yes, you've reached the right person."

"How do you-" Gavin says confused about this entire call.

"That's not important." The voice replies evenly but Gavin can sense a hint of amusement behind the stoic voice. "The important thing is that you open the door in precisely one hour."

"Wait what?" Gavin asks, standing up from his armchair and looks around his apartment.

"Goodbye Mr. Free."

The voice is gone as quickly as it appeared and Gavin's left staring at his phone, the sound of an ended call echoing in his apartment.

To say Gavin's spooked is an understatement. His heart hammers in his chest as he puts his phone down and moves to look out the window at the dark nightscape outside. There's no one out at this hour, the corner store’s door closed and the cars are stationary.

He moves away from the window, looking at the card in his hand. He checks the number he called against it once again, but he knows he called the right number as they had identified him with just his first name.

He walks over to his bedroom, pacing to relieve the worry inside him. He doesn't know if he should open the door, even if someone was outside his door in one hour. His nerves crackle at the possibilities on who could be outside, a murderer coming to get him, someone who would take him away, someone to punish him on Haywood’s behalf.

"Get a grip." He mutters, his hands clenching as he sits down on the edge of his bed. He was given this number by Haywood, he shouldn't be so scared. He trusts him, oddly enough and he knows deep down that Haywood had made this personal, he wouldn't send someone to kill him like this.

He shakes with the realization that he trusts Haywood. He knows he shouldn't, he's got no right to do so. So what, he hadn't killed him at sight in his living room, he hadn't slit his throat and let him drown in his own blood in front of him. That didn't really mean anything, not anything like this anyways.

What's even the protocol for something like this. Where did he stand with Haywood? There's nothing in his mind or past that would give him anything to go on, this wasn't anything usual. Haywood isn't anything usual. Gavin feels his stomach tumble as he flops back on his bed, raising his eyes to shield his eyes from the sharp neon light that pours into his bedroom through his parted curtains.

He can't make himself regret calling the number. He can't make himself regret missing Haywood's touch, no matter how aware he is of the madness in the entire situation. He can't shake the weight of Haywood's touch, the fire that simmers inside him ignited by his touch. He can’t, and he doesn't want to.

Maybe it's time to throw himself fully into this. What did he have to lose? What did he have to gain? The math is simple, but complicated by everything around it. He can't imagine Haywood to be someone who dates, who keeps someone in his bed and by his side, he can't imagine it at all. What room did a man like Haywood for love?

And Gavin realizes love isn't the thing he wants. Previously anything remotely close to love had left him in ruins and his partner in flames. He crashes and burns, and he knows Haywood's love would be enough to shatter him.

No not love. But whatever this thing is, this flame inside him, the way Haywood's eyes follow him through day and night, it thrills him. The thought of living without it feels unimaginable, he's too awake now, too addicted.

He glances at his phone. Still a few minutes. He drags himself up from the bed, filled with determination to face whatever Haywood gives him no matter the butterflies that dance inside him. He walks out of the bedroom, grabs Haywood's knife and stares at the door.

The knife in his hand is heavy and unfamiliar. He knows that he can't do anything with it, but the comforting weight in his hand feels like Haywood's there with him and he's no longer so afraid.

The clock ticks over. There's a knock on his door. His heart hammers in his chest.

Gavin peers out the peephole and relaxes slightly at the sight of the lone bearded man standing outside his door. He doesn't look scary, not in the ruthless way. The beard makes his features look softer, counterbalancing the obvious shoulder holster that Gavin can see.

Gavin leans back, draws in a breath and opens the door.

"Mr. Free." The man says with a polite smile and Gavin recognizes him as the man on the phone. The man looks at Gavin, his eyes resting on the knife in his hand at which he raises his eyebrow. "There's no need for that sir."

Gavin glances at the knife in his hand but doesn't let go of it. The door's still partially shielding him but he knows that if this man outside his door wanted to hurt him there wouldn't be anything Gavin could do to prevent it.

"If you don't mind I'll keep it." Gavin replies.

The man chuckles.

"As you wish." There's a twinkle in his eyes, the kind that would be comforting if not for the situation they're in. It twinkles with the knowledge that they both have, that the knife doesn't scare him. "I'm ordered to give you this sir."

Gavin looks from the man's eyes and gazes at the brown box in his hand. The man offers it to Gavin, but Gavin doesn't trust it one bit. He saw this movie once, the guy in his situation blew up from the bomb that was inside the box.

"It's from him." The man continues, seeing how Gavin hesitates to take the box. The way the man emphasized his words Gavin knows he means Haywood. "He told me specifically to give this to you and only you."

Gavin looks at him in surprise, confusion settling into his features and his mind struggles to decipher what this man just told him. It's from Haywood? To him specifically?

"Take it." The man continues, shaking the box slightly in his hand as he continues to offer it to Gavin. "I was instructed to make sure you got it before I can leave and excuse me, I've got a lot of things to do."

Gavin looks at the man once more and releases his death grip on the door and reaches for the box. He hates how his hand shakes, how weak it makes him look, and he knows the man sees it. Gavin's thankful he doesn't mention it, only gives the box over to Gavin.

The box is lighter than he thought. The man smiles once more as the box is in Gavin's hand.

"Goodnight Mr. Free." He says and turns to walk away.

Gavin looks at the box confused, turning his attention from it to the man's retreating back.

"Wait!" Gavin exclaims, stepping slightly out of his apartment to watch the man turn slightly to look at him with a quizzical look on his face. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

The man doesn't reply but this time Gavin can definitely see the amusement twinkling in his eyes.

"At least tell me what I'm supposed to call you." Gavin says, his voice softer and timid.

The man looks at him for a while, eyeing him up and down.

"Call me Jack."

Gavin doesn't have a moment to think about asking anything else as the man- Jack walks to the staircase and Gavin hears his soft steps walk down the stairs. He stands there for a while, confused about how his night had turned like this, before he snaps out of it and bolts back inside. The door slams behind him as he rushes to the window and catches Jack step into a black SUV, that drives off.

As the SUV's red lights disappear behind a corner Gavin looks down into his hands. The silver knife is still in his hand, Gavin's surprised that his hands didn't get so sweaty that it would've slipped down. But more importantly the brown box is still in his hand.

Gavin glances at the door, sees that it's shut, before he sits down by his coffee table. The knife clatters against the surface of the table as Gavin lays it down next to the box.

"Shit." Gavin says softly as he watches the small unassuming brown box in front of him. There could be anything inside of it. His handshakes as he reaches out to open it.

He opens his eyes, looking at the box that's still in once piece in front of him. His hands are intact and there doesn't seem to be anything dangerous inside it.

He reaches in, his fingers grasping the small memory stick that's placed in the middle of the foamed box. It doesn't seem to be anything unusual, the same type Gavin knows that's sold in every high-end electronics store in the country. The amount of space inside the small stick is absurd, Gavin knows this is an expensive stick.

His stomach drops at the thought of what could possibly be inside it. He places it back into the box, carefully and he picks up the small paper that accompanied it.

There, in neat and straight handwritten text he reads,

_Mr. Free,_

_There's a choice in front of you that you need to make. Make the right one._

Gavin frowns at the cryptic words, and glances at the stick in front of him.

Having once dabbled into hacking and all things tech he knows that he could plug the stick into his laptop and have a look at it. Gavin doesn't like the fact that the note alluded to making a choice, his stomach flutters as his imagination runs away with the possibilities of what's inside the stick.

His eyes move from the stick to the neat handwriting on the note and he runs his finger over the letters. Haywood wants him to see whatever’s inside the memory stick, and Gavin shivers at the thought of Haywood giving him something.

Gavin stands up and walks over to grab his laptop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very aware that this chapter includes a scene where it seems like someone's broken into Gavin's apartment. This scene was written before the news broke, and I didn't intend for it to be insensitive. I played around with changing the place of the talk with the Jones' but decided ultimately against it as it plays into the entire arc. I hope you guys can understand this. Love you ❤


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!
> 
> This chapter will delve a bit into Gavin's past and I've taken the liberty to sculpt that to fit the narrative. There's also going to be a bit about hacking and gathering information, and as I'm not a hacker or a government operative (as you know of) there's bound to be some inaccuracies. As hacking is tedious and not very compelling storytelling I've taken the liberty to make it a bit more exciting. I hope you guys can understand that. 
> 
> I've been so blown away by the amazing support this story has gotten. It's so amazing to see your comments and I keep rereading them as writing has been hard this past week to give me motivation. I'm so happy to see you guys be so into this story, it's something I didn't expect at all. I love you guys so much! ❤ 
> 
> I'm cat sitting for my parents this weekend and as such I'm working on my moms old computer. The spell check works a bit differently so I apologize if there's any mistakes I didn't catch. ❤

There's a familiar tingle in Gavin's fingertips as he leans over his laptop and opens the memory stick he was given. Although it has been years since Gavin last dabbled into all things tech, there's no tremble in his hands as he sets off to work.

He's not deterred by the seemingly ordinary content on this stick. There's a few loose vacation photos featuring a bland family with no recognizable features that Gavin finds quickly to be stock photos with a reverse search. There's a few bland hits from years ago and besides that a few text documents.

To ordinary eyes it might look like a normal memory stick owned and used by an ordinary person with zero interesting bits of information. Gavin's not sure of that. Given that the people in the photos are clearly fake and that the content is so bland gives Gavin enough reason to suspect something might be going on. Besides, why would Haywood give him an empty stick? There's got to be more here.

He decides on coffee, returning to the couch with his largest cup brimming with coffee to keep him up and alert through out the night and if needed through the day. He sets to work. 

Throughout his life there's been nothing that gives him more satisfaction than digging up information. Growing up as a middle class kid with no siblings he had to find something to occupy his long days. Thankfully his neighbor had been into computers and had taken Gavin under his wing and taught him everything he knew. 

And as years passed the two of them grew to be quite notorious on the other side of the pond, with Europol finally being brought in after they hacked into the national databases of three different countries. Espionage, hacking, whatever you might call it. For Gavin it was nothing more than fun and a job he was good at. And it's not like he did anything with the information he got his hands on. Well, not at first. 

The light outside Gavin's window grows darker until it becomes lighter again. Gavin's fingers never stop moving on the keyboard, trying to find his angle. He finds quickly a few hidden files in the pictures, containing what appears to be banking information for an unnamed company. Judging by what he's heard about Haywood and his business these numbers are too low and he wonders what he's actually looking for. 

Haywood's message sits by his computer and Gavin can't help the way his eyes wander over to the piece of paper constantly. No matter how fascinating and interesting his hunt is, he can't shake the feeling of Haywood's presence around him. It tickles the back of his neck and he keeps looking around him waiting to see him standing in some dark corner. 

He can't help but to feel like he's missing something. The words on the note told him to make a choice and he can't see how the files he found might be that important. He sits back, cracking his back as he realizes it's already dawn and he's been hunched over his laptop for hours. 

Even if he didn't know that there's something more hidden on this stick, he can still feel it. It's taunting him and Gavin feels the rust lingering on his skills, and he curses himself for letting his skills decay over the years he spent on this side of the pond. 

What would've he done years ago? Gavin rubs his tired eyes before scanning around the apartment. He would've asked Dan but he knows why he can't do that now. Not that he even wants to. Not really. The bitterness of his memories taint his tongue and he downs the now cold coffee to get rid of it. 

He knows he can't let Haywood down. He knows he doesn't want to, he wants to give him everything he expects and even more. There's a determination lingering in his mind that makes him return his attention to the stick that seems to mock him. He knows he would've cracked this riddle quicker years ago but he continues to check off everything he might think of. 

The next time he looks up from his computer it's dark again. Gavin's startled by the darkness around him, surprised that he fell into such a deep sense of flow. The screen is bright and burns his eyes as he looks around the long shadows in his apartment. 

"Shit." He mutters standing up from the couch with a hiss as his entire body disagrees with his sudden movement. His legs tingle as he hobbles over to the kitchen where he decides quickly at the sight of his empty fridge to order takeout. 

Gavin ignores the messages he'd gotten and after he hangs up with the neighborhood pizzeria he slumps to lean against his cupboards. It's been a while since he last lost time like this and he feels so much worse than he did when he was younger. His hair is dirty, his entire body grimy and the long absence of food and water makes him feel shakier than it had previously. He chugs water to soothe his empty stomach as he waits for his food. 

Much to his dismay he's gotten nowhere. All the things he thought to check and made a list of, all of it was for nothing. He's converted and reverted, poked and prodded and all he can find is those two infuriating files with banking information. He feels empty and angry with himself for not figuring it out. 

Haywood would not be pleased and that thought makes him even more disappointed with himself. He knows there was a time when this wouldn't be so hard, that if he'd focused on keeping his skills up as he ran away from his previous life instead of focusing on vandalizing like some asshole, he knows he could crack this. 

His doorbell alerts him and he pays the teenager for his pizza. The greasy pizza slides down him and after downing a few slices he finally manages to slow down and properly chew his food. Gavin's sure that the frown on his face will leave marks by now as he can't shake the feeling he's missing something so simple that would make Dan laugh if he'd be here and things would be alright between them. He huffs at that thought, casting a glance at the bright computer screen illuminating the couch in cold tones. 

Gavin feels determined to do this, to crack this mystery and with food in his systems he feels more alive. He ignores his computer for a while, his body moving as if on autopilot as he tidies his kitchen to give his mind time to think. His hands wipe down his counters, careful circles wiping away whatever might be on the surface but Gavin's mind is a thousand miles away.

Haywood's eyes pierce through him as he thinks, a shiver running down his spine at the possibilities. If he doesn't crack this, Gavin's sure he'll end up in a shallow grave if he's lucky. Haywood didn't seem like the person that would look lightly on such things, Gavin feels a personal level of pressure to nail this but he can't shake the feeling that this is a test of some sort. He wants to nail that test. 

Gavin washes his hands, his mind racing to the other end of the spectrum. What if he manages to do this? What if he pleases Haywood? A shiver runs through his body, electrifying his nerves and stoking the simmering fire within him. The thought of Haywood rewarding him seeps through him like a fog, making him float in the possibilities. 

Gavin drops down, the hard floor underneath him a welcome change to the lumpy couch. His eyes fall shut as he leans against the kitchen cabinets, drawing his lip between his teeth as he imagines it all. How pleased Haywood would be, how his hand might cup Gavin's face, how his strong body would hover over him and Gavin swears he can imagine the way his hot breath on his skin would turn Gavin into putty. 

The decision's already been made and his body responds to his wicked thoughts instantaneously. It's as if the fire within him is always ready to act, the memory of Haywood so deeply embedded into his mind and body. 

Gavin's hand moves down, his hand leaving fire in its wake. He can't imagine the inferno that Haywood's hand might leave on his skin, the possibility of him reducing Gavin to nothing but ashes lingers in his mind as his hand dips into his pants. He gasps at how sensitive he's already, the mere ghost of his touch leaving him aching.

Gavin quivers at the thought of Haywood's hand encircling his cock, drawing Gavin closer, both to Haywood and to his own release with nothing more than the promise of something more. Gavin's sure he wouldn't need more, just Haywood's praise in his ear, his breath hovering against his skin, his hand around him, moving slowly.

Gavin all but whines at the image, of Haywood in control of him and his pleasure, of him not needing anything more to make Gavin beg, to shatter him. Gavin's hand runs up and down his own shaft, aching with the inadequacy of his own touch. He needs Haywood with his icy eyes looking at him, whispering dirty things in his ear, hovering his hand around Gavin's cock. 

Gavin's moan sends shivers down his body as he thumbs the tip of his cock, his feet bracing him against the wall, pressing him harder against the cupboard and the scene in his mind changes. 

Haywood slams him against the wall so hard Gavin can see stars, his hands pressing Gavin's arms against the wall, his mouth demanding against Gavin's neck. Gavin whimpers, mirroring his imagination, imagining the way he would arch into Haywood's touch, grinding against Haywood's thigh desperate for release. 

The coil within him is straining at Gavin's pace, his hand tirelessly chasing his release as his mind imagines more and more dirty things. He doesn't restrain the groan that rumbles through him at the thought of taking all of Haywood into him, stretching him, burning him, splitting him, making him beg for more and more. 

Gavin's skin aches from his own touch, imagining the way Haywood's hands would bruise and mark him. He's close already and he focuses on the way he remembers, he feels Haywood's touch still on his skin, the taste of his cum in his mouth, the praise he'd given him, the way he ordered him to cum. It's all too much, the fire roaring inside him consumes him and he splatters his pleasure all over himself with a ragged moan. 

As he starts to pull his shattered mind together he finds himself smiling. He can't believe that the mere thought of his man makes him shatter into a thousand pieces and the possibility of his touch incinerating him is a sweet temptation that lingers in every cell of his body. 

Gavin cleans up, shaking his head at his awakened drive. The apartment is quiet as he tidies himself up, the world around him so quiet and unaware of the force that roars inside Gavin. The force is so unfamiliar, so burning it's suffocating him but he relishes in its grip, throwing himself into the whirlwind of pleasure without thinking twice. 

Gavin knows this man will be the death of him. 

Having cleaned himself up he drags himself back to the couch and to his work. There's a new sort of fatigue in his system now, and he's got to focus to get his eyes to look at the information on his screen. 

He pulls up the files he found first and stares at them. There's got to be something here. He racks his brain to something, anything that might help him crack this case. He can feel it, there's something right in front of his eyes and it kills him not to see it. His eyes roam over the row of numbers at the bottom of the first document and he freezes. 

"No way." He gasps, quickly pulling the second file to check if he's imagining things. But no, the same pattern of numbers appear on the second file as well. "No fucking way."

Gavin looks up from his laptop, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open with his disbelief. He can't even begin to comprehend what he has been given, the man he was years ago would've died to have something of this scale just dropped into his lap. 

He stands up from the couch, pacing in his living room as his mind races. Did Haywood know he'd given him a skeleton key to the entire world? It's right there, those thirteen unassuming numbers tossed into a random string of numbers. To an unassuming or uninformed pair of eyes it's nothing more than a string of numbers, but to Gavin who has seen this exactly once previously, it's a gold mine. See those thirteen numbers originate from the NSA and those numbers can be used to craft a key that would open basically every door ever presented to Gavin. 

Haywood can't have known. If he'd known he'd made sure there was someone here to secure this, because this? This stick that's blinking at him from the coffee table? It's worth more than the entirety of the worlds gold reserves. It's the most sought after item in the world, mostly a theory that hasn't been proven to be real. 

But it is. Years ago Gavin saw the same pattern as now. He was young back then, reckless and cocky. With Dan's help he found this exact same pattern of numbers in a unassuming file hidden on the MI5 servers he'd gotten access to. It had provided Gavin with all the possibilities in the world, with a master key in his hand nobody would've been able to stop him. 

Gavin clenches his jaw at the thought of how happy he had been then. So carefree, unaware of the blindside that would leave him broken, hunted until finally assumed dead. He hadn't seen his crappy American life, he hadn't thought about the what if's. He'd been so stupid. 

Gavin's eyes are pulled to the laptop, still humming softly and innocently, unaware of the weapon that's connected to it. A weapon Haywood had given him. 

"Make a choice." Gavin mutters softly. "Make the right one."

He runs his hands through his hair, a nervous giggle escaping his lips. How fucked up is this? He paces, his hands clenched as he can't tear his eyes away from the memory stick protruding out of his laptop. It looks like it's mocking him, staring at him and Gavin huffs impatiently as he covers his eyes.

Why is this so hard? It shouldn't be. All his life he'd been looking out for himself, his friends, looking for fame. This discovery would secure his future, make him infamous and give him enough money to make a name of himself. There wouldn't be any second thoughts about buying food, he wouldn't need to stay in apartments like this, he could paint the world golden and still have enough money to travel around to see everything he's ever wanted. 

It should be easy. 

Haywood's touch still lingers on his skin and his mind is poisoned with the simmering fire within him. If he would take the stick, the code, the key and make a run for it he'd never see Haywood again. He'd go against Haywood's needs, his orders. 

Gavin's never been much for orders. In fact it got him into trouble on a weekly basis when he was a kid. That impulsivity and creativity made a great hacker of him, and even an accomplished vandal if that's even a thing. He doesn't like being controlled, to be a puppet for someone else. Gavin knows how bad things turn out with blind obedience of a higher up having had his life ruined by those he trusted before and the thought of taking Haywood's order and accepting them should be unthinkable.

Yet Gavin knows if Haywood asked him to bark, he would. 

"Bloody hell." He mutters, stopping himself after taking one step towards his phone. The thought of upsetting Haywood burns in the back of his mind, unpleasant and completely separated from the pleasant simmering in his stomach. Gavin doesn't understand, his eyes glancing over his rugged apartment. 

He should want to change this all away. All the luxuries in the world are at the tip of his fingers. This code would change the world and Gavin would be in the charge of it all. No door would be locked, no secret safe, no stone unturned. He would make the world kneel to him, make everybody regret casting him aside, forgetting him. He'd make them weep, make them shiver, make them beg. 

Gavin can see it, he sees himself standing over those who stabbed him in the back, he sees them beg and beg and beg, he sees them cry and bargain. He smiles. He'd sworn to himself that someday he'd get his chance, he'd get his revenge. The thought of fulfilling that fills him like poisonous fog, seeping into his bones, tainting his tongue with its bitter taste. He'd make the world burn for what they did to him. 

But in his mind's eye he can see a different outcome as well. He stands over his enemies, weeping and begging for his mercy, but at Gavin's side he can feel a presence. He can feel and see Haywood by his side, his jaw tight, his eyes like glaciers, a twisted smirk on his face. Gavin can feel the shiver of excitement run through him like a lethal dose of current, twisting and burrowing inside him. 

The thought of running this world with Haywood seems so tangible now. He can imagine them together, he can feel Haywood's eyes on him, hear his praise in his ear, feel his delicious wrath aimed at their enemies. And even if Gavin would never reach that goal, he now knows he'll die for it. 

And he's made his choice. There's no other to be made. 

Gavin suspects that he's not alone in his desires. A man like Haywood, a man that enjoys control and plans, he knows that there's no chance that he isn't aware of Gavin's needs. Gavin suspects that those needs might be mirrored in Haywood, why else would he make this kind of show? 

"Make the right choice." Gavin mutters with amusement. He's made his for sure.

His hand doesn't shake as he reaches for his phone and dials the number. 

"Mr. Free." Jack's pleasant voice fills his ear almost immediately and Gavin casts one last glance at the stick. The weapon. His future. Their future.

"Jack." Gavin says, his voice cracking a bit and he's suddenly so aware of the fact that he hasn't slept in days and barely eaten. His body doesn't the same state his mind is in and he sits down in his armchair.

"Everything alright sir?" Jack asks him immediately and Gavin's taken aback by the worry he thinks he hears in his voice.

"It's alright, I've just been really focused on the box you gave me." Gavin assures him, trying to keep his words as vague as possible even if he doesn't know if it's possible someone else is listening to it. 

"Find anything?" Jack replies. His voice is even, not giving Gavin any hints of he knew what's on the stick.

"Yes." Gavin says trying to keep his voice from quaking under the weight of what he's found. 

"Excellent." Jack answers and Gavin can hear a car door slam shut. "I'll let the boss know. He's out of the country at the moment but I'm sure he'll be in touch as soon as he lands back stateside."

"Alright." Gavin replies, not tempted by the key stuck to his computer anymore. His choice is made and he's not wavering in it at all. He'd see that this weapon is used to bring the men and women responsible for his downfall to their knees. He'd make sure the world would fear them both. 

"Goodbye Mr. Free." 

The phone falls silent in his ear and Gavin collapses into the armchair. The stick stares at him and Gavin closes his eyes with a sigh. The temptation had been so huge, the opportunity that's been presented to him, the things he could do with that key are endless. 

Now, after the fact that he informed Jack, and thus also Haywood about that he's done with the stick, he wonders how much Haywood even knows about what's on the stick, if this is all some sort of sick test or if he's actually made a real life discovery. 

Gavin's head is heavy with lack of sleep and he forces himself up from the armchair. He leans over to the laptop, making sure to make copies of these two files and storing them so that they can't be accessed easily. He then pulls the stick out, closing his laptop and hiding it under his armchair, pinning it under the seat into the spot he'd made for his laptop so that it's high up and hidden from curious eyes. 

He walks over to his dark bathroom, the medicine cabinet showing him how terrible he looks as he opens it and slides the stick into one of his almost empty bottle of painkillers. 

Gavin stares at his own reflection as he closes the door. The bags under his eyes are larger and darker than before, his skin dull and tired from staring at a bright screen for days. He runs his hand through his hair, feeling how much he needs a shower but he can't make himself do just that. 

But his eyes, they sparkle again with life. Just as after Haywood had his way with Gavin, Gavin can see that same vibrant energy pooling behind his eyes that he recognizes from years ago. Haywood had lit the flame within Gavin and Gavin can't wait to repay him in all possible ways. 

Gavin walks over to his front door and makes sure it's locked and bolted before checking his windows. His old habits seem to have reared their heads as he realized how much of a target he was if people knew what he'd found. 

Satisfied with how secure his apartment is, he heads back into his bedroom and barely makes it to the bed before he passes out. 

Gavin's groggy and disorientated as he wakes up. Staying up for almost two days took its toll on him and he groans as he pulls himself out of his bed and his stomach makes him aware of how hungry he is. 

But before he wanders to the kitchen he walks into the bathroom to check that the stick is still there. To his relief it's as he left it, as is his computer and he feels at ease as he rummages through his cupboards and fridge to find anything to eat. He checks his phone almost compulsively but Haywood hadn't gotten back to him yet. 

Deciding against the stale cereal in his pantry he shuffles into jeans and pulls his leather jacket on as it looks like it's getting colder outside. It's still dusk, the sun hovering above the horizon but soon enough it will dip below and plunge the city into darkness. Gavin grabs his keys, his eyes hovering over to the knife still sitting in the kitchen and he decides to grab it with him. 

The weight of the knife is comforting in his jacket pocket as he bounces down the stairs. He's unsure on why he decided to take the knife with him but figures what's the harm in it anyways. It's not like he lives in a fancy neighborhood, in fact he knows there's muggings daily in these parts of the city. 

The air is cool as he steps out onto the familiar stretch of pavement. The people around him walk past him without a second glance and Gavin starts to head over to the grocery store just around the corner. He jogs over the road to take a shortcut and to avoid walking past that one apartment building that houses a couple that frequently throw their possessions out of the window and into the street below. He's not in the mood to deal with that tonight. 

Gavin's mind wander as he steps into the shadow of the alleyway between the apartment buildings. He wonders about where Haywood lives. Does he live in a penthouse somewhere, or a large mansion out of the city? Gavin can't decide which one fits better, and settles on that he might have both. Gavin knows he would if he had the means. 

The dumpsters out in the alley are piled up with trash and Gavin wrinkles his nose at the smell of it all. He regrets taking this route now and pops into another, smaller alley to emerge back onto the main road. 

There's a chill that runs through his spine and he whips around just in time to see a man step out from the shadows behind him. The black metal of his gun gleams in the sun as it's pointed straight at Gavin and immediately he raises his hands. The weight of Haywood's knife is heavy in his pocket but he knows this is a fight he would lose. 

"Gimme all your money!" The man exclaims, pointing impatiently with his gun. Gavin swallows hard, the adrenaline mixing with his fear as he slowly reaches for his wallet. 

"This is all I have." Gavin says and throws his wallet in between them. He wishes he'd be anywhere but here. He just needs to stay cool and collected and there's no need for anything to escalate. 

"What's in your pocket?" The man asks and a chill runs through Gavin. 

"I can't give that to you." Gavin hears the words tumble from his mouth as he takes a step backwards. The man's jaw tightens and Gavin sees his finger reach for the trigger. "It's a gift from a friend, I can't lose it."

"Stop right there!" The man yells and Gavin feels the cold terror of the situation he's in trickle down his spine. He knows he should give this man the knife, Haywood's knife, to save his own life and yet the thought of losing this knife stings worse than what Gavin imagines getting shot would feel like. 

"Just take the money please." Gavin pleas as his hands shake as the man approaches him. 

"Show me what's in your pocket or I'll pop your head off!" 

Gavin swallows, his instincts taking over and he reaches for the knife in his pocket. His fingers grasp the cold metal and he pulls it out slowly. 

"Shit!" The man exclaims as he sees the knife in his hand, recognizing both it's value and the fact that it's a weapon. 

Gavin feels the world shift on it's axle and he's thoroughly confused. Then he hears the sound, that booming sound of a controlled explosion in a small confined space and he looks down. There, on his side he sees red. His fingers reach for it, confused and shivering, the sticky warmth coating his fingers with it's crimson color. 

His knees give out. 

Gavin sees the man run at him, sees him bend over and grab his knife, Haywood's knife and Gavin's just so confused. The world is ringing around him and he squints to try to make sense of it all, but all he can focus on is the red paint on his fingers. When did he paint?

The world collapses back into focus and Gavin gasps at the sudden coldness that runs in his veins and the throbbing and burning in his side. He looks around, his hand clasping at his side to keep pressure on his wound. The man that robbed him is nowhere to be seen, and there's no one around. Gavin swears, grabs a hold of the wall and pulls himself up. 

He sways slightly as he stands but his legs hold him. Gavin glances down, the blood seemingly coming from the side, too to the side to be actually dangerous. He pulls out his phone, finding Steffie's number and holds it up between his head and his shoulder as he peels his shirt away from his skin where the two had begun to stick together. He sees the wound and his suspicion was right, it's probably nothing more than a flesh wound.

"…Gavin?" She answers and Gavin huffs a quick laugh of relief. 

"Steffie. There's been an incident, and I wondered how quickly you can get to my place?" Gavin says trying to sound cool and collected but he knows he's not fooling anyone. 

"What happened?" Steffie asks and Gavin's so thankful as he can hear her rushing around her apartment. 

"Got shot." Gavin replies oddly calmly as he pulls his shirt back down and covers the red stain on his white shirt with his leather jacket as he begins to walk homeward. He sends a blessing to whoever might be listening to the fact that he's so close to home already. 

"How bad?" Steffie asks him as Gavin emerges back on the main street. He can see his building already and he shuffles over towards it. 

"It's not bad I think." Gavin replies with a huff. "I'm on my feet, I don't feel too bad, it's just throbbing like hell."

"Alright. I'll be there in a minute." Steffie says and Gavin hears her leave her apartment before the call is ended. 

The stairs prove to be more difficult than even terrain and Gavin winces as he practically drags himself up the stairs and into his apartment, not bothering on closing the door completely before he slumps down on one of his kitchen chairs. He doesn't want to have to worry about the upholstery of his couch or the armchair. 

Gavin pulls his leather jacket off and winces at the movement and the large stain on his shirt. Only then, in the comfort of his own home, with Steffie on her way to patch him up, does he start to realize that he lost his knife. 

Haywood's knife. 

A shiver runs through him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh boy there's some heavy *wink* plot *wink* next week


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!
> 
> So the story goes on. A new NSFW tag has been added due to what happens later on in this chapter. I didn't think I'd like writing a chapter as much as chapter 2 but here we are.
> 
> I'm absolutely blown away by the amaaazing comments you guys have left me. It's mind boggling to think I've managed to write something that you guys seem to love so dearly. This world and this dynamic has been so fun to explore. I've just managed to plot out the rest of the story and as I mentioned in the beginning this one is going to a bit shorter than Golden Light is. It looks to shape up to be around 10 chapters, but! I've already got plans for a possible continuation to this story. I just don't want to leave things hanging so that's why I'll wrap this one up at 10 chapters. I do hope you guys understand that! ❤

There's a deep sense of looming terror that sits deep within Gavin suffocating that delicious simmering fire as he stands in his bathroom a few hours later staring at the white patch Steffie had placed on top his stitches. The fire and light in his eyes are dimmer as he stares at his reflection, the mark of his failure glaring back at him and he feels the aching loss of the knife suffocating him. He knows it's just a knife, that he shouldn't be this upset, that he's alive should be enough. 

But his hands are empty, his mind reeling with the encounter with death that he just walked away from with only a flesh wound. He should be relieved. But he's not. 

That optimism inside him is nowhere to be found. No matter how hard Gavin looks, the only thing that he finds is the suffocating feeling of disappointment in himself and the looming sense of disappointing Haywood. Gavin doesn't move as the cold realization of having to explain this to Haywood runs through him. He deserves this. Why did he have to believe that there would be anything else for him in this life. 

There's a bitter taste in his mouth as he turns his gaze, disgusted with his own weakness. If he'd just stood up for himself he wouldn't stand here like this. Why did he have to be so weak? Haywood wouldn't want him anymore. If Haywood would've known from the start he'd never even looked at him. He's strong, capable, the authority he wields would've made that thug weep. Gavin's none of that. Just a weak man with an overactive imagination. Nothing more than a body to shag, to use and then toss aside. 

Gavin's made his decision. He'll give the key to Haywood or to Jack or whoever Haywood might send to collect it. Then he'll pack his miserable life together and leave. As much as he likes the neon signs and the friends he's made throughout his stay in the city, the thought of running into Haywood is too hard to bear. 

He'd been so happy just a few hours ago. 

The throbbing of his newly acquired hole through his side is muted by the painkillers he's on. Whatever Steffie gave him is just enough to mute the pain but not enough to erase it. Gavin likes it that way. A reminder of his hubris. 

Gavin reaches into his medicine cabinet and pulls out the stick from where he hid it. His jaw is set as he follows through with his plan but deep down he's terrified, his shaking hands betraying him. He doesn't want to let go, he doesn't want to be cast out again. But he's learned from his past mistakes that he's too weak. So to save himself from the pain of being cast out by Haywood he takes matters into his own hands. 

He walks out into the living room, pulling his laptop out from under the armchair and proceeds to leave it on the coffee table and he places the memory stick on top of it. The hastily written note is next to them and Gavin's heart feels like it's going to explode and decimate him in its aftermath as he walks back into his bedroom. 

The clothes he owns fit nicely into one duffel bag and he pulls on the clothes he laid out for himself. The tight dark jeans fit him snugly and his t-shirt hides the lumpy bandage taped to his side. His leather jacket still smells slightly of blood so he pulls a dark hoodie on instead. 

As he looks back at his front door he can't help but to let his fingers trace the edge of the knife mark in the wall. How he wishes he could be the person that could do this. How he wishes he wouldn't have been outed as a weak coward so early. He feels like he can't breathe, his mind is twirling in a twister filled with outright terror and anxiety, but he forces his body to move out of the apartment. 

This is for the better. He feels like if he let Haywood cast him out he'd disintegrate and the thought alone makes him gasp for air as he grabs onto the railing in the staircase to stop himself from tumbling down the stairs. His world is crumbling around him with every ticking second, with every panicked breath and he hates how familiar this all feels. Running away from his life, away from pain and suffering. But now he doesn't have another place to run to. 

After what feels like an eternity the cold truth settles in his mind. It's the only way. Haywood dismissing him would kill him. He can't take it, he'll have to go, take the matter into his own hands. Better to die by his own sword and leave Haywood out of the equation. He pushes himself off the railing and barrels down the stairs. He pulls out his phone and as he steps outside into the rain he dials the now familiar number.

"Everything you need is on my coffee table. The door's not locked so if you want it you better go get it." Gavin states into the phone as soon as Jack picks up. He's aware how monotone and flat his voice is but it's all he can muster so he doesn't fall apart. His knuckles are white as he holds the phone tightly to stop the incessant shaking. 

"Mr. Free?" Jack asks but before he can continue Gavin swallows hard and interrupts him. 

"If you want it it's yours. Goodbye." 

His hands tremble like jello during an earthquake and he struggles to breathe as he puts his phone on the ground and steps on it. Before his heel lands on the screen he sees Jack calling him again but he stomps on it until it stops. 

Nobody's looking at him as he pulls his hood up and sets off. His face is streaking with salty rain as he hurries over the road and as far from his place as he can get. If Jack is on his way Gavin doesn't want to anywhere near him. 

His feet carry him steadily and he keeps his head down to shield his shame. The stripes on his cheeks bare his pain as he walks and he walks with nowhere to go. He knows he should head for the buss terminal, buy a ticket so somewhere far until he knows what to do. He knows he should head for the highway, maybe get a ride from someone taking pity in him. 

He looks up at the sea. His feet carried him as his mind wept and he's taken away by the roaring darkness over the stormy sea. The wind whips at his face, tearing into his wet cheeks, drying them into salty plains and he relishes in the pain. He deserves it. 

His hands grasp the railing and he leans against it. The duffel on his back is light, contrasting the deep fear within him. He stares at the stormy waves crashing against the shoreline with thunderous booming and he winces at every single one. 

The storm inside him quietens as he watches the waves and as time flies past. He sees the first rays of sunshine poke through the horizon and soon the warmth of the sun hits him in the face and fills him with a warmth he'd been missing. The fire within him has been suffocated by the fear and the suns warm embrace feels bittersweet. 

He should go. There's nothing here no more. He'd been foolish to ever think otherwise. They all just pitied him, used him like everybody else had in his life. 

As he finally makes his body move from the railing, his hands pushing him off it and he swirls around only to be standing in front of Jack. Gavin's heart sinks and he takes a step back, wanting to run, to bolt somewhere else. 

As Gavin's eyes dart from Jack to look for an escape route his eyes land on the black car with its tinted glasses stand parked behind Jack. Gavin's entire body tenses, he can feel Haywood's eyes on him even through the glass and he can't tear his eyes away from the car although his mind is screaming at him. 

"Mr. Free." Jack says softly, as one might talk to a cornered animal. His posture is rigid but also soft around the edges and there's a softness in his voice. Gavin can't tear his eyes away from the car that seem to be calling to his soul. "Mr. Haywood would appreciate if you'd join him."

"I can't." Gavin stutters tearing his eyes from the car to stare at Jack. "I-"

Gavin's painfully aware how scared he is. Terror runs through his body, replacing his blood with an icy coldness and Gavin's mind is desperately trying to fight itself, to calm itself down, to not imagine the worst case scenarios, of Haywood's disappointed eyes and his sharp words. His mind claws his insides to shreds without mercy and he feels like he's splintering by the second.

"I'm afraid it's not an request." Jack replies, an edge seeping into his words. "But I know you're afraid."

"I'm not." Gavin replies automatically, aware of the irony as he takes another step back and his wide eyes dart away from Jack to look for a way out. He can't do this. He'll shatter, why can't they see it? 

"It's alright." Jack replies stepping closer. "I'm not sure what you're afraid of but you have no need to be. Now please, Mr. Haywood was quite insistent."

"He was?"

"Yes. He's been dying to talk to you since he landed." Jack replies, stepping slightly to the side and motioning with his hand for Gavin to move. 

Gavin stares at him, his mind reeling with it all. He can't go. He can't face Haywood's disappointment. He can't. But at the same time the familiar pull of Haywood's presence leaves him breathless and before he knows it he's walking slowly towards the car. 

Jack opens the back door to the large car, the blackness within welcoming. Gavin stares for a while, his hands trembling and his mind screaming at him as he finally ducks and steps inside. 

The door is closed behind him and Gavin's acutely aware of Haywood's scent in the car. He sees the man himself sit in the backseat but Gavin can't look at him as he sits down on the seat facing Haywood, playing with the straps of his bag as they both hear Jack walk around the car and start the car. 

"Mr. Free." Haywood finally says as Jack pulls the car out of its parking spot, merging into the early morning traffic. 

Gavin doesn't say anything, suffocating in the need to look at Haywood, to seek his approval, his touch. But at the same time he's drowning in his own toxic thoughts, his fear, his desperation. His hands shake as he twirls the strap of his duffel in his hands, his eyes locked on to it as if it's the most important thing in the world. 

"Gavin."

It's as if Gavin burst through the surface of the water to draw his first breath after drowning for an eternity. His fingers stop and he lifts his gaze to look at the man opposite him. 

All the air leaves his body. Haywood's icy eyes are looking at him, the edge in them still present and Gavin feels utterly naked under his gaze. The shadow on his face is dark but apart from that he doesn't look like he's been traveling. The suit jacket he had been wearing is discarded carefully next to him, his white button up shirt crisp and clean, the cuffs rolled up and his strong arms look divine. 

It's as if no time passed at all. Gavin's looking at Haywood, his perfection glaringly obvious, making Gavin even more insecure about his own appearance. He knows he looks terrible, his skin ashy and dry from crying, his hair unwashed and his throbbing wound is making itself very known as Gavin breathes deep to calm himself.

Haywood looks at him intently, his eyes roaming over him and Gavin averts his gaze to not see how disappointed Haywood is in him. There's a bitter taste in his mouth as he looks out of the window at the passing scenery. His heart aches. 

"Tell me what's wrong." Haywood says. Gavin's hand shifts slightly, his fingers pressing against his side, against the glaring reminder of his weakness. He can't look at him, not even after he imagines he hears something akin to worry in his voice. 

"I'm not here to play your games." Gavin says and hates how weak even his voice is. 

"Just tell me." Haywood replies, and Gavin glances at him. He sees Haywood's eyes darting between Gavin's eyes and Gavin's hand. There's a hardness in his jaw. "Tell me."

Gavin locks eyes with Haywood, those icy blue eyes staring at him almost pleadingly. Gavin knows he's just imagining things. But somehow he feels himself be drawn to Haywood, still unable to refuse him. 

Gavin's hand moves from his side, he shifts slightly in the seat and he pulls his t shirt up enough to show the blindingly white bandage against his skin. Gavin can't tear his eyes away from Haywood's as he looks down at what Gavin's showing him. Haywood's jaw tightens, his hands clench up and Gavin moves backwards in his seat at the intensity of his anger. 

"What happened?" Haywood bites, leaning forward to take a closer look. He's so close that if Gavin wanted to he could reach over and touch Haywood but he can't, he won't. Haywood's eyes pierce him with an intensity he's never seen before. "Who did this?"

It all spills out of Gavin. As he recounts his stupid mistake, his weakness, he cannot look at Haywood. He feels his eyes on himself, those piercing eyes looking deep into his soul seeing how worthless he is. Gavin can't stop the quiver in his voice, the accusatory tremble, the disappointment. 

The car falls silent. Gavin swallows hard, his throat constricting with the emotional storm that rages within him. He knows this is it, he's show Haywood who he truly is, how weak and stupid he is. The thought of Haywood casting him aside drowns him, the usual simmering fire within him wet and quiet. 

"Gavin." Haywood says, his voice even and Gavin winces at how little he can gather from his tone. This is it, he knows it to be true. "Look at me."

Gavin hesitates, his muscles fighting to keep him staring out the window and not do as his mind is yelling for him to do. It's a losing fight, those blue eyes calling to him like beacons in the night. 

Haywood looks serious. His jaw is tight, his eyes boring into Gavin's soul, his fists still clenched although softer now. Gavin's eyes search for answers in him, hovering on his eyes, desperate for anything Haywood would give him. It's like heroin, the attention he's giving him feels like a tornado made out of fire within Gavin. 

"I don't even know where to start." Haywood confesses with a dark chuckle, his eyes dropping to Gavin's hands that are fidgeting again. Gavin's hanging on to every single syllable pouring out of his mouth, between those soft lips that Gavin just wants to feel on his skin. 

"It's stupid, I'm stupid it's not-" Gavin laughs nervously as Haywood's eyes snap to his once more, hitting him like a truck and making the words die in his throat. 

"Okay we'll start there." Haywood states, turning to reveal Gavin's computer on the seat next to him. "Jack got this before he picked me up from the airport. I've been looking at what you found. Would you tell me what you found?"

Gavin stares at Haywood, lost for words at the sudden change of topic. Gavin looks at the laptop, Haywood's hand seemingly large hand resting on top of the machine. Gavin's mind struggles to find his angle, but as the silence stretches on he can physically feel Haywood's stubbornness. 

"Uh-" Gavin clears his throat and glances at Haywood, whose eyes haven't left Gavin. "I pulled out some hidden files from the pictures. They were hidden quite well, sophisticated but not smart."

"How so?" Haywood asks, his eyebrow raising and Gavin can hear an unfamiliar edge to his words. 

"It's nothing new. Files hidden in pictures are the 101s of concealment. All it takes is a few transfers-" Gavin stops as he recognizes a look in Haywood's eyes, an amused fondness that flashes quickly before disappearing again. "But you knew that already didn't you?"

Haywood's laugh is sudden and strange. It bubbles from deep within him, an amusement that seems so contrasted with his stoic exterior. There's no malice in his tone, no mockery, just an amusement of being found out. Gavin's heart sings at the sound of Haywood's laugh, the melody fanning the dying fire within him. He feels warm, his skin tingling again. 

"You found me out." Haywood says after his laugh dies down. There's a smile on his face, a smile that reaches to his eyes and fills Gavin with a lightness he's missed for so long. "My head of IT worked on discovering those files. That was all that they found, just a couple of unimportant files." Haywood's eyes twinkle with delight, a hungry smirk on his face. "But that's not all that you found."

Gavin shivers at the sight of him, the delightful lightness contrasting with a roaring fire deep within him at the sight of Haywood. The light pours through the tinted windows, illuminating the stark whiteness of his rolled up shirt and enhancing the sculpting shadows on his face. He looks divine and Gavin feels like he's ascending and descending at the same time. He's got no urge to fight it, he lingers in the feeling of being pulled apart and exposed to the world. 

"There's a key hidden within the file." Gavin replies, almost breathless at the feeling of being the center for Haywood's attention once more. "A key that will open all doors. Uncover all secrets. Make the world kneel. You didn't know that?"

"No." Haywood replies quickly. "You could've taken it for yourself. You could've made a run for it."

"Not without you." Gavin finds himself replying, his body leaning closer to Haywood as if drawn by magnets. There's a sparkle of delight that flashes behind Haywood's eyes, his eyes seemingly so much darker. "You tested me."

"I did." Haywood replied. "I knew there was something more in those files. I suspected you might find it. And I needed to give you a choice."

"Why?" Gavin asks, surprising himself as his knees drop to the small floor space between them, mirroring the familiar position from before, as he can't stop his body from fluttering closer to Haywood. Haywood's eyes darken, his gaze glued to Gavin and Gavin relishes in the feeling of being the center of his attention. It's all he can think of, this man and his presence, around him, within him. 

"As divine as you look on your knees-" Haywood's voice is low, so low Gavin swears he can feel it rumbling through his body. "-there's no room on the payroll for that."

"You hire all your employees like this?" Gavin asks, his voice hoarse. 

"Only you." Haywood replies with a smirk that sends fiery shivers down Gavin's spine. "If you want it of course."

"I want it all." Gavin's breathy reply seems to please Haywood and Gavin's mouth falls open with a gasp as Haywood reaches over, his strong warm hand cupping Gavin's jaw bringing him closer and Gavin's slowly being consumed by the raging fire within him, only fueled by Haywood's touch-

The car suddenly stops and Haywood's eyes snap away from Gavin's. Gavin looks around, the view outside barren and empty, contrasting the vast cityscape of before. He leans into Haywood's touch, slightly unsure on what's going on. 

There's a knock on the wall dividing the back from the driver. Haywood looks at Gavin, his eyes still laced with darkness and hunger and Gavin licks his lips trying to keep himself from shattering to the hunger within him. 

"There's something I need to attend to." Haywood says, his voice low. There's a hint of his lust, although his professionalism is blocking most of it. He's here to work, Gavin realizes, and nods. "There's more I need to talk to you about, more I need to do for you, but for now I need you to not move." 

Gavin nods again, watching the corner of Haywood's mouth twist into a smile, his thumb brushing against Gavin's cheek.

"I'll be good." Gavin says, unsure on where the urge came from but from the way he can see a shudder run through Haywood, he's more than pleased that he said it out loud. 

Haywood casts one last look at Gavin before opening the door and stepping out. The bright light of the sun shining down on them fills the car for a second before the sound of the door slamming shut cuts Gavin off from the outside world. The outside smelled of the dryness of the outskirts of town but also a wildness, a scent that mixes thrillingly easily with Haywood's scent still lingering around Gavin. 

Gavin's knees protest his position but he's made up his mind. He's not moving. The thrill of complying to Haywood's orders, even if they're not orders strictly speaking, is almost dizzying and Gavin reaches over to grab his seat to keep him upright. The dull throb of his wound is silenced, drowning in the hum of his desire that pools within him. 

He glances around him, too low to see anything more than the open sky from the windows. He floats in the hunger within him, impatient and grateful at the same time. Haywood's absence feels cold, enhancing the fire within him and Gavin rolls around in the flames with no shame. Gavin counts the seconds, careful not to move an inch no matter how much his knees tingle and his side throbs. The rewards would make this slight discomfort worth while. 

Gavin hears footsteps get closer to the car and he lets go of the seat he'd been holding on to. The door opens and Gavin sees Haywood look into the car, his eyes snapping to Gavin and his position. 

"God you're going to be the death of me." Haywood mutters as he sees Gavin just as he left him. Gavin's heart swells, the pleasure from making Haywood appreciate him filling him like he's never been filled before. He locks eyes with Haywood as he climbs back in, closing the door behind him. Gavin hears Jack enter the drivers seat and the car starts to head away from here. 

The way his white shirt hugs his arms makes Gavin hungry for those arms to hold him and he can't help the small pant escape his mouth. Haywood looks at him as he settles in, his legs wide and his stature strong as Gavin's eyes can't help but to linger over his crotch, remembering how good it had felt to have him in his mouth. 

Gavin's eyes finally make their way up to Haywood's face, tilted as he gazes at Gavin. The intoxicating feel of being watched sends jolts inside Gavin, the simmering fire intensified by Haywood's appreciative gaze. Gavin's eyes roam his face, exploring those shadowed valleys and highlighted mountains until he sees a small red dot. 

Blood. 

Gavin's body shivers at the thought of who's it is. The feeling is not laced with discomfort, only a twisted sense of pleasure and curiousity. 

Gavin reaches over, his fingers brushing against the splatter of blood on Haywood's cheek. His fingers feel like they're on fire as he makes contact with Haywood's skin, a contact he made himself instead of Haywood touching him. It feels almost forbidden, thrilling, and most of all just so right. 

He brushes the red stain away from Haywood's skin, turning his gaze only to be met with burning eyes that look at him with an intensity that makes Gavin's breath stutter in his throat. He's so close Gavin can count every single eyelash, draw constellations between the flecks of green in his eyes-

Haywood's hand is harsh on the back of his neck, pulling him close, crashing their lips together. Gavin floats along easily, consumed by the raging fire of need within him to be as close to Haywood as he can. Haywood's lips are soft against him, backed by an intensity Gavin's grown to know him for. Their teeth clatter together as Haywood's tongue dips into Gavin's mouth, twirling against Gavin's. Haywood tastes like the sun and the stars, wildness and darkness at the same time and Gavin's sure he's tasted heaven as he tastes Haywood against himself, his teeth grabbing Gavin's lip between them, eliciting a soft groan from Gavin. 

Gavin's hands grab hold of Haywood's thighs, hoisting himself closer as Haywood's hands pulls him towards him, those strong fingers imprinting on his scalp, setting his hair on fire. Haywood's so strong and yet so gentle it makes Gavin dizzy, every inch of his skin that touches Haywood feeling like third degree burns. 

Gavin's sure he's going to pass out as he never wants to let go to breathe and Haywood seems to agree. There's an intoxicating dizziness in Gavin's soul as he kisses Haywood like there's nothing more in the entire universe, only Haywood and the burning, consuming hunger within him. 

Haywood breaks the kiss with a frustrated growl, his breath as heavy as Gavin's as Gavin gathers his sanity. Haywood's eyes are as black as the night, as glimmering ice, hungry and demanding. Gavin's entire soul shivers at the intense wave of pleasure that flows through him, the realization of what's going to happen, the endless possibilities but only one outcome.

Pleasure. 

"Up." Haywood rasps. Gavin looks at him, unsure on what he wants but he stands up nonetheless. As he does he wonders how he'll manage to stay this crouched for a long time, but before that thought even materializes Haywood's hands are on Gavin's hips, turning him around and pulling him into his lap. 

Gavin's body feels like it's connected to an electrical outlet as he feels Haywood's warm body underneath him, behind him, pressing against him as Haywood's strong arms pull him against his chest. Gavin gasps at the sudden feeling of being completely and utterly in contact with Haywood, Gavin's mind is racing a thousand miles an hour as Haywood's hands leave trails of fire in their wake as he positions Gavin's legs outside of his own. 

There's a twisted pleasure in his position, his back flush against Haywood's strong chest, his breath heavy and hot against Gavin's neck. Gavin's legs fall open, pushed slightly wider by Haywood's knees. He's exposed, a thrilling nakedness although he's still fully clothed. Gavin can feel Haywood's breath on his neck, the steady rise and fall of his broad chest against his back, those strong arms burning through him. One of them is resting on Gavin's thigh, too close and yet oh so far, the other rising up his side pressing heat into Gavin and pressing him closer to Haywood. 

"Now I told you I had more things to talk about." Haywood says, his voice low and Gavin shivers at the sensation of his breath brushing against this skin and his voice rumbling through both their bodies. Gavin's dizzy already, burning up and he's sure he's going to go insane at the onslaught of sensory information. "I need you to focus."

"Yes." Gavin moans as Haywood's fingers dig deeper into his thigh. Gavin's blinking desperately, trying to regain his senses and focus, to be good for Haywood. "I mean, yes sir."

"Good boy." Haywood murmurs and Gavin feels Haywood's own pleasure hard against his back. Gavin doesn't understand why those two words make him feel like fireworks are bursting through his chest, exposing him to the world.

Haywood's arm dips under Gavin's shirt and if Gavin thought his touch was electrifying without having skin to skin contact he's practically begging for release at the first brush of Haywood's fingers against his abdomen. He arches into the touch but Haywood's hand presses him down against him before continuing to brush his way up Gavin's chest. Gavin's breath is labored by now, his senses overwrought with having Haywood so close to him, his scent filling his lungs, his touch burning him alive, his sultry voice in his ear, the taste of his kiss still lingering on Gavin's tongue. 

Haywood's lips burn a hole into Gavin's neck, his teeth scraping softly along Gavin's skin and Gavin shudders. His eyes lull shut, allowing him to float on the sensation of being embraced. Haywood's hand burns his chest, the other still tantalizingly far from where Gavin's jeans constrict and strain at his hardness. 

The hand on his thigh disappears, ghosting up his body until it grabs Gavin's jaw, twisting his head to the side and Gavin shivers at the vulnerability of his pose, his legs wide apart, his throat exposed. The thrill of being exposed escape him with a moan as Haywood's teeth bite down on the junction of his neck and shoulder. 

Without the hand on his thigh Gavin feels like his legs are floating away, his hips desperately bucking up as Haywood's bite stings and burns so deliciously, complementing the suffocating need in him. All of this is so much, too much, not enough and Gavin feels torn apart, consumed by the fire. 

Haywood's hand on his chest moves down, and without hesitation it grabs Gavin's straining cock through his jeans. Gavin gasps, his moan rumbling through him as Haywood's hand massage him softly, the sensation of Haywood behind him and his confident hand driving Gavin insane. It's so good, better than everything, than anything and he just wants him. He wants him so bad it burns his lungs, suffocating him in his own rushing blood, grounding him through Haywood's presence, his hand, his warmth. 

Him. 

"You're so good for me." Haywood murmurs, his appreciation sending Gavin spiraling. "So eager for my touch."

"Always." Gavin moans as Haywood's grip on his jaw tightens. "Always, sir."

Haywood's fingers dip under Gavin's waistline, their tips barely touching Gavin's cock that strains for contact. Gavin's breath is heavy and hard, it's difficult to focus on anything as everything is just so loud. He feels like he can reach and touch the fabric of reality when Haywood's touching him like this and his heart sings and roars and fights for it to never stop. 

"I'm a man who knows what he wants." Haywood continues, his lips and teeth hovering over Gavin's skin, his breath like fire on Gavin's overstimulated skin. "And I only want the best. I need you to listen to me Gavin."

"Yes sir." Gavin's heart stutters, his fingers tightening around Haywood's wrist. 

"I want you." Haywood all but growls into Gavin's ear. "Don't you never doubt that. Don't you ever doubt yourself."

There's a void and Gavin's falling into it. The bottom is nowhere to be seen, and he's falling so fast and he doesn't care. His heart is light, stopping his fall and pulling him up towards the surface. He wants him. Haywood's touch is like a storm within him, fueling him, making him stronger, and there's no doubts in his mind. He wants him. 

"Do you understand?" Haywood asks, the authority in his voice sending a cold shiver down Gavin's spine, contrasting the roaring hot need and hunger within him. 

"Yes sir." Gavin replies, his voice breathy and needy but there's no doubts in his voice or his mind. He wants him. 

The sound of his zipper being pulled down fills the back of the car and Gavin bites his lip as the cold air hits his cock. Haywood's breath is hot against his neck, contrasting the cold air around Gavin's cock. Gavin's sure that he'll shatter if Haywood touches him but also if Haywood doesn't touch him soon- 

Gavin cries out, his breath escaping him like a cloud of pleasure as Haywood's warm hand encircles his cock and finally grabs him. His hand is so good, so warm and his touch leaves wildfires in Gavin's soul. Haywood's other hand holds Gavin's head in place, his fingers so strong against Gavin's jaw and Gavin feels anchored to Haywood but at the same time the pure unmoving hand on his cock makes him feel like he's floating away. 

"So gorgeous." Haywood murmurs and Gavin's fingers reach for him in his need. He feels Haywood's smirk against his neck but he doesn't have the time to linger on it before Haywood moves his hand, oh so slowly, almost torturous, like there's no hurry in the world. 

Gavin whines, trying to shift his hips into Haywood's hand to get that friction he so sorely needs. The need thrums inside him like a drum but Haywood's in no hurry. 

"Behave." Haywood says, his teeth nibbling Gavin's earlobe, his hand only now reaching Gavin's tip, his thumb brushing against the sensitive end. Gavin's breath hitches in his throat at the sensation, Haywood's embrace tight around him. 

"Yes- fuck!" Gavin gasps as Haywood strokes his frenulum suddenly and he jerks into his hand, arching his back as pleasure jolts through him. This time he's sure he feels him smiling against his neck, but all thought of that disappear as Haywood starts to pump him. 

Gavin moans as Haywood seems to know exactly how to work him up, his hand so steady, his fingers brushing against his tip and changing his approach regularly, always taking Gavin by surprise, the jolts of pleasure dancing around the building tension within him. 

The fire is so hot, Haywood so steady and warm around him and Gavin's mouth hangs open as Haywood strokes him mercilessly towards the edge. Gavin's sure he's never been handled like this, the sensation is overwhelming and as Haywood's hand twists around him, he feels Haywood push his knees wider, making Gavin more and more spread open for the world. Although the back of the car is empty bar the two of them Gavin can't help the shiver that runs through him at how exposed he truly is. 

Gavin feels the first strings of his existence become unraveled, the pleasure within him both mind numbing and mind blowing, erasing all edges of his existence and he barely notices the world around him with Haywood's presence surrounding him, the whispered command into his ear to come shatter the world around him and he barrels head first into the white light where the fire within him pulses through him and surrounds him as time stops and shatters him into ashes. 

Haywood continues to stroke him through his release and as Gavin starts to come back to reality Haywood's kissing his neck softly, the hand on his jaw soft and only there to hold his head up. There's no energy in his body, in fact he's sure he's lost all of his bones as he slowly regains his consciousness, content in just laying draped over Haywood's strong body. 

"Feeling better?" Haywood asks and Gavin feels his chuckle against his back. 

"Yes sir." Gavin breathes with a soft laugh. 

"Good. You did so good." Haywood replies, pressing one last kiss on his neck before leaning over and grabbing a rag and cleaning Gavin's cum at the best of his ability. There's no bones left in Gavin's body, only divine lightness and Haywood's touch feels so good against his hot skin, his tenderness sending the embers within him simmering again. Haywood's silent but there's clearly something on his mind. Gavin stays quiet, trusting that he'll speak when he finds his words, and he's right. Haywood looks at him and says softly "I mean what I said. If you want it, there's something here."

"I do want it." Gavin hurries to agree. "I meant it as well. I want it all, I want the world, I want you."

"If you want the world I'll give it to you." Haywood says his eyes twinkling with delight.

Gavin crashes their lips together, twisting around in Haywood's lap so that he can reach him and laces his fingers in Haywood's hair. Haywood pulls him closer, his touch still leaving fire in its wake but the fire within Gavin is softer, quieter and Gavin relishes the sensation of being so completely happy. He can't even imagine how he thought things were so grim, but now, here in Haywood's arms it all seems so bright again. 

The car pulls to a stop and Gavin breaks the kiss to look around. Gavin recognizes the familiar surroundings of his neighborhood and his apartment building looms uninviting over them. As he knew it had to, he's at the end of the line for now. Haywood's got things to do and Gavin knows he's himself sorely in the need of a shower. But there's no doubt this time, only the lingering sense of temporary separation. 

"What now?" Gavin asks as he stares at his apartment building through the window. It looks so foreign now, not like a home at all but Gavin knows that it's never been much more than a place to sleep. 

"I'll be in touch." Haywood replies, his voice carrying a softer edge than usual but the familiar authority makes Gavin hang on to his every word. "Soon." 

Gavin leans in and presses their lips together. With his hunger satiated the kiss is sweeter, almost tender and Gavin smiles as he breaks the kiss. 

"I'll be waiting." Gavin says and Haywood smirks as Gavin climbs out of the car and into the street. He casts one last look at the car before walking in, still floating in his happiness.

\---

As he wakes up later that night there's only a deep satisfaction lingering in his bones and a smile on his face. The neon light that pours through his curtains is so brightly colored Gavin wonders if he's always been blind for its beauty. He stretches his tired muscles and rolls over. His eyes land on something silvery on his nightstand. 

The knife. 

Gavin sits up, the sheets pooling on his lap as he reaches for the knife. There's no doubts about it, it's his knife, their knife. Spotless and glimmering in the light Gavin's brow furrows at how it got there until he sees the whiteness on his nightstand.

There, where the knife was Gavin sees words that make his knees weak and his soul cry out. Scribbled with the same neat handwriting, the same black ink he reads;

_He won't be bothering you anymore._  
_Be ready tomorrow at 2pm._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That went well huh. *Eyes emoji*


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday loves! Hope your weekend is starting as sunny as mine is! ❤ 
> 
> There's a new NSFW tag but if you don't want to spoil yourself... I was a bit unsure if I should tag this (yet) but things are turning out to be pretty- frustrating for poor Gav. 
> 
> As always thank you so much for the support! I can't even handle all the love you guys send my way, it's really helping with the whole writing thing. I love you all! ❤ ❤

"You seem oddly cheerful." Michael comments as they wait in line at the paint store.  
   
Gavin can't deny the happiness that bubbles within him, forbidden and hidden. Haywood's touch lingers on his skin as well as on his soul, the tingles of excitement mixing with the smoldering embers deep in his stomach.  
   
Michael doesn’t know, and he can't know. Gavin's partially selfish, he doesn't want to share Haywood with anyone. Michael might get scared, plant doubt in Gavin's mind. He might be in danger because of his relationship with Haywood. Gavin's side burns with the thought of something happening to Michael.  
   
Since his knife found its way back to him, thanks to Haywood, there's been a rush of excitement in his system. A sort of sense of invulnerability. Haywood's got his eyes on him, his protective gaze lingering around Gavin. He's quite sure he's safe from anything else than the consuming hunger within him. Michael is not.  
   
"How so?" Gavin replies, aiming for nonchalant but judging by Michael's expression missing horribly.  
   
"You can't stop humming. You have this idiotic smile on your face." Michael states, counting on his fingers. "What happened? You got your dick wet?"  
   
"Michael!" Gavin squawks, looking around them but the other customers in line hardly pay any attention to them. "It's not like that."  
   
"Oh really?" Michael fires back as the line moves forward. "Because I've never seen you like this."  
   
"It's nothing." Gavin says, feeling a bit sheepish at how obvious he's being. "I just met someone who's pretty great."  
   
"Thought so." Michael says almost triumphantly. "Not gotten so far yet to get your dick wet?"  
   
"Not exactly." Gavin blushes, his mind brimming with the images and sensations of Haywood's scorching touch. He didn't think that their two encounters could be considered getting his dick wet, as Michael put it, but the thought alone of being filled to the brim with Haywood's thick cock-  
   
"Okay I don't need to know more!" Michael replies quickly, holding his hand up. "As long as you're happy and safe."  
   
"I am." Gavin replies sure of himself. The empowering sensation of being protected feels like a force field around him. His happiness buzzing inside him like bees, he's sure that this thing is the meaning of life.  
   
He can't quite wrap his head around how intense his feelings are. He started out thinking that this is just about the sex but the further he looks into his feelings he's not sure if that's all it is. But he knows it's not love. It can't be love, this feels different than the times before. He's sure of it.  
   
The line moves forward and Michael leans against the counter. Gavin shuffles along, trying to shake his thoughts to focus on the transaction.  
   
"The usual?" The bored clerk drawls from behind the safety glass. Michael nods and the woman moves back to fetch their paints. Gavin's not really paying attention to her, letting his eyes wander over the rundown store they're in. He wonders what Haywood might think of this place, if he'd even set foot in a place like this.  
   
Haywood seems to linger on his mind, all of his thoughts plagued by him. Gavin doesn't mind, in fact he's more than happy to focus on Haywood and his downright criminally seductive ways. There's a flush of nervousness over their scheduled meeting only a few hours away and Gavin's thankful that Michael agreed to meet this morning to distract him.  
   
Gavin's got no idea on what to expect. He's learned that that's just the way with Haywood and that in itself is enough to send shivers of excitement through him. There's a seed of trust in his mind, he somehow knows he'll be alright no matter what. And besides Gavin can't imagine a life without Haywood anymore, his presence has rooted itself into every inch of his consciousness, his promises of the world tickling Gavin.  
   
They'll make the world kneel. The hunger inside him roars.  
   
"Got any of that golden paint?" Michael asks, interrupting Gavin's thoughts. The clerk has returned with a bag that rattles with the sound of paint cans.  
   
"Nah. There's some sort of hiccup in the manufacturing or something." She drawls. "That'll be 30 dollars."  
   
Michael pays her, and they shuffle through the messy store to emerge onto the scorching hot pavement. Gavin sends a glare at the sun as they start to make their way back home. Michael's step beside him is comforting and the silence that stretches between them is comfortable.  
   
"So how are things with Lindsay?" Gavin asks, stuffing his hands into his pockets as they wait to cross the road. Michael beams just like he always does when someone mentions Lindsay and although it's elicits a weird bubbling inside Gavin he's happy that his friend is still so enamored with his girl as the first time they met.  
   
"Doing good." Michael replies. "We're thinking about moving somewhere bigger."  
   
"Really? I thought you guys liked that place." Gavin asks, casting a curious glance at Michael as they rush over the road.  
   
"It's been great but it's a bit small." Michael says, shrugging. "Lindsay wants a cat, so…"  
   
"Ah I see." Gavin laughs. "She finally broke you."  
   
"It's just to get her to shut up." Michael says, tone defensive and a glare in his eyes daring Gavin to say otherwise.  
   
"Sure." Gavin laughs and sidesteps Michael's shove. "I'm sure that'll work."  
   
Michael stays silent, but Gavin sees the small fond smile on his face. Gavin can't help but to feel oddly homesick, but he knows it's not towards his actual home back in England. It's more a feeling of belonging and being loved by someone that he so craves.  
   
The walk home is as uneventful as it's short. Michael's company is a breath of fresh air and Gavin enjoys bantering with him but the nervousness about his meeting only seems to grow bigger the closer it gets to 2pm. He parts way with Michael at his place, promising that they'll get together soon.  
   
Gavin hurries home. It's almost 2 pm already and he hurries to make sure he's looking alright. His tight jeans compliment his figure, the loose shirt comfortable but stylish, also hiding his bandage. Gavin pats it slightly, the wound seeming to be doing better than yesterday and he ruffles his hair slightly on his way to the kitchen, grabbing his backpack on his way. The weight of his laptop is complemented by the weight of the knife he sticks into the backpack with it just in case. He doesn't want to lose sight of it now.  
   
Gavin stops as he realizes that he's never had anything remotely close in value than the knife in his backpack. Sure, it's probably worth more than Gavin's yearly rent but the emotional value is so much more. It's a symbol for them, for the trust that Haywood placed in him, but the silvery edge mimics his own desire, always teetering close to being destructive and yet it's so tantalizingly beautiful.  
   
Like Haywood himself.  
  
Gavin feels like there's violins playing inside him as he thinks of Haywood, wanting nothing more than to sway to the sound of his heart beating, dance like his scent dances around him when he's near, wrap his arms around him like the promise of melodies more beautiful than the earth itself.  
   
A soft giggle escapes his mouth, he feels like a school girl with her first crush. He shakes his head, trying to figure if he needs anything else with him as he hears a knock on his door. Gavin decides against everything else and hurries to throw the backpack on his shoulder and open the door.  
   
The man outside is someone he's never seen before. The man doesn't offer him any greetings just motions for him to follow him. Gavin's does just that, closing the door carefully behind him and he takes a few hurried steps to catch the man who seems to be interested to be anywhere else than here.  
   
The car outside is smaller but as black as Haywood's usual ride is. Gavin feels his heart flutter but he's disappointed as he steps into the empty backseat. The driver steps in and starts the car. Gavin can't help but to feel oddly removed from the world around him. He's not sure how he's supposed to feel about it.  
   
Gavin's never been alone in a car of this value before. Every time he's been in one he's been in one with Haywood and that's lent him no time to actually look around him. The leather of the seats is cool and smooth against Gavin's hands as he runs his hand over it curiously. The leather is smoother than he expects and his mind is flooded with the thoughts of what it might feel like against naked, overheated skin.  
   
The tinted windows seem different from the ones in the previous cars, but Gavin doesn't mull over that. He focuses on the way the people they pass seem to recoil from the car. Gavin leans towards the window and watches men and women cast glances at the expensive car and quickly divert their gaze, their eyes widen with something-  
   
Fear.  
   
A thrill runs through Gavin, dangerous and consuming, fanning the flames within him. They fear the car, they fear the man they think is inside. Gavin feels high, he feels empowered and he can't or want to stop the smirk that fills his face, the chill that runs through his heart.  
   
He'll make them know his name. He'll do it with Haywood beside him.  
   
He feels like he's exploding with it all. He's impatient, bursting with the urge to have it all immediately. He's scared, he's terrified he's not worthy. He's thrumming with desire, hunger for making his name known, burning lust for Haywood's touch. It's all too much for him, it's all too much. But he bears it all nonetheless because he knows it's going to be worth it in the end.  
   
They drive through the city until Gavin's straining against the window to make out the tall skyscrapers piercing the sky. He's seen these ones more times than he can count but they still evoke that same sense of awe as they did the first time he saw them. He dreamed of living here, in the middle of the buildings that reached out for the sky as a kid, and he's still having a hard time to let go of that dream. The life he's gotten is not the one he thought he'd have but the skyscrapers always seems to soothe him.  
   
The car stops in front of one of the larger ones. Gavin recognizes it and knows it houses a plethora of offices and meeting spaces. His door is opened and the scorching hot air pours in to the car with the beaming light. Gavin blinks against the startling brightness but steps outside not appease the driver, who looks less than impressed with him.  
   
Gavin walks towards the door, grasping the strap of his backpack. He feels so small here in the shadow of the tall building, so small against the men and women in suits who hurry to and from the lobby. Gavin makes his way to the lobby, looking back only to notice that his driver is nowhere to be seen. Gavin swallows his nervousness and after looking around for a while he notices the front desk by the large turnstiles leading to elevators.  
   
"Um, excuse me-" Gavin says to the young woman behind the desk. "I don't know where I'm supposed to go."  
   
"That's what I'm here for!" She replies cheerily, her long fingernails clattering against her keyboard. "What's your name?"  
   
"Gavin Free." He says, adjusting his worn backpack as a hoard of well dressed men walk past them with confident postures and booming laughter. Gavin feels like this is the last place he should be at, feeling self conscious about his worn shoes and unpolished clothes. He should've gotten his hair cut-  
   
"Ah I see." The woman beams. "You're expected at Haywood Industries. Here's your visitors badge. Take the elevators up to the 26th floor and you're there."  
   
"Thanks." Gavin replies, grabbing the badge she's giving him. She smiles warmly at him and Gavin joins the group of business men and women who fill the small elevator.  
   
Gavin's never felt so uncomfortable. The elevator's filled to the brim and he's the only one there in jeans and with a backpack. He feels like he's a kid who got lost on his way to school but the others seem to pay him little to no mind.  
   
"-And I said to her that she needed to take it up with management-" one of the men in the elevator says and the rest of them flutter with laughter. Gavin looks around him, grabbing the strap of his pack tighter as floor by floor the elevator gets emptier and emptier until the last woman walks out at floor 15, casting a confused look at Gavin still riding up.  
   
Gavin breathes out a sigh of relief as the elevator's spacious and quiet the rest of the way. He feels nervous again, no distractions to get his mind away from what's waiting for him at the 26th floor.  
   
The doors ping open and Gavin steps tentatively out into the large foyer. There's a woman sitting behind a glass desk who perks up as he walks in.  
   
"You must be Mr. Free!" She greets him and stands up from behind her desk. "I'm Ashley Dillard. I work as the office manager here."  
   
"Yeah that's me." Gavin replies, slightly taken aback by the modern furnishings in the foyer and the spaciousness of it all. It looks very expensive, the glass and the metal complemented by comfortable looking chairs and rugs by what seems to be a waiting space. It all looks so much like an ordinary high end office space that it takes Gavin for a loop. It's not anything like he imagined it to be.  
   
"Mr. Haywood would like to see you immediately." she continues, motioning for Gavin to follow her. Ashley's long dark hair flows down her back as she walks through one of the large glass doors into a corridor lined with offices and meeting rooms. Gavin hurries to keep up with her as she continues to talk. "Mr. Haywood's still in the middle of a call but it's alright if you just go and sit inside."  
   
"You sure?" Gavin asks, raising an eyebrow at her light voice. "I don't want to disturb him-"  
   
"Oh nonsense." Ashley replies with a quick waive of her hand.  
   
She stops at large doors that look into an office with larger windows overlooking downtown. She smiles at him, pushing the door open and motioning for Gavin to go on. Gavin hesitates for a moment before walking in.  
   
"-I don't care how. I trust you to manage the situation without me having to step in." Haywood's tone is sharp, and Gavin feels the edge of a sharp steel knife run down his spine at the sight of Haywood at his desk.  
   
The office is large, huge windows looking over the city and the heavy desk is placed by one of the windows. There's no mess in the room, a few non descriptive folders placed by a large computer screen. Haywood himself is seated behind his desk, the front of his crisp white shirt illuminated by the sharp white light pouring from the screen that's tilted to the side of the desk.  
   
Gavin walks quietly, almost timidly to the large leather chair that's positioned in front of the desk. He shifts his weight before sinking into the soft chair that's more comfortable than he even imagined. There's a muffled chatter coming from the other side of the call Haywood's making and Gavin can see how tight his jaw is as he listens.  
   
"Make it happen or there will be consequences." Haywood bites and interrupts the chatter. Gavin can't tear his eyes of the way his eyes flash like the edge of their knife. The simmering fire within him perks up at Haywood's utter control of the situation and Gavin forces his breathing to remain even as there's a thrum of desire within him.  
   
Haywood ends the call and puts the phone down on his desk, his other hand reaching out to pinch the bridge of his nose. He looks tired, Gavin realizes, and is surprised by the worry that lingers within him.  
   
"Everything alright?" Gavin asks, his voice wavering a bit. Haywood huffs a short puff of air and waves his hand.  
   
"Nothing to worry about." He says, his voice strong as always as he rests his hands on his desk and looks at Gavin.  
   
There's something so oddly thrilling in being under Haywood's gaze. Gavin would've thought that it would've gotten easier by now, but somehow it seems more and more profound each time. It's as if Haywood's look is enough to send his brain spiraling into a mess of memories and Gavin swears he can feel Haywood's touch on his skin even as there's a desk between them.  
   
"Anything I can do to help?" Gavin replies, unsure on where that answer came from, or why he's leaning forward in his chair. They're in an office, there's a secretary behind the door behind him and yet he's utterly flushed with the desire to make Haywood feel better.  
   
"As appealing as that sounds-" Haywood says, his words drawn out and heavy with the same desire that pools within Gavin. "There's things we need to discuss first."  
   
"Oh." Gavin breathes, unable to contain his disappointment as he awkwardly shuffles back into his seat. His foot shakes with nerves as he watches Haywood smirk at Gavin's clear desire. Gavin can't help but to bite his lip as a surge of pleasure flows through him at the thought of Haywood knowing exactly how bad he wants him.  
   
"Yesterday was nice." Haywood starts, leaning back in his chair as his eyes seem glued on Gavin. Gavin shivers with the intensity of the memory of Haywood all around him, his breath heavy on his neck and his hand grasping his cock, bringing him to the edge and hurling him over it with the strength of a thousand men. "And my offer still stands. I was hoping we'd discuss that and what the future might bring."  
   
"I'd like that as well." Gavin confesses, his leg calming down as he realizes the purpose of this talk. "I did mean what I said. This thing is utterly unfamiliar territory for me, but I do want to see it out."  
   
"I'm glad." Haywood replies with a smile that's gone so quickly Gavin's unsure if he even saw it. But there's a softness in Haywood's eyes that makes his stomach flutter. "Let's make some things clear. I need you to understand that I'm offering you a position at the IT department, and that I'm offering it because of your skills in the field, not because of anything else."  
   
"You found something big. I believed that you would, and you gave me more than I could've ever imagined." Haywood continues and Gavin's mind reels with the warm pleasure of Haywood's praise that seem to be so much more intense under his neverwaivering gaze. "I'm prepared to give you anything you might need to achieve even more. I employ a lot of people with the same skill set as you but you're far more brilliant than any of them."  
   
"I don't know about-" Gavin starts but blushes as Haywood's gaze tightens and his eyebrow raises up. "I mean thank you sir. I'll do my best."  
   
"I'm sure you'll be amazing." Gavin knows he imagined the wonderment in his voice.  
   
"Um-" Gavin shifts uncomfortably in the chair. "I don't mean to sound rude or to make it seem I'm prying but-"  
   
"You want to know what we do here?" Haywood smirk is familiar, outright predatory.  
   
"Yeah." Gavin breathes and relief floods him as he sees that Haywood doesn't seem offended by his question. "I mean only to get an understanding on what I'll be doing."  
   
"That's fair." Haywood states, clasping his hands as he ponders for a moment. "I guess I should start with that what we do, what I do, isn't- legal, strictly speaking."  
   
"That's not an issue." Gavin hurries to assure Haywood. "I mean I've poked into all kinds of places I shouldn't have."  
   
"So I've heard." Haywood chuckles with a curious twinkle in his eyes Gavin's not sure of. "I'm not going to go into details, as you can surely understand, but let's just put it this way. I provide people, customers, with goods they might not find elsewhere."  
   
"Goods like in- people?" Gavin asks timidly, his eyes wide at the prospect. Even as a hacker, even as a vandal he still has some moral codes.  
   
"Oh god no!" Haywood's quick to answer him. He leans back over his desk, resting his elbows on the wooden surface as he looks over the office, as if he's trying to find the right words. "That's too far even for me. Goods and information mostly, financial transactions are common as well. I operate on the principle that no one gets hurt." His smirk darkens, sending a shiver down Gavin's spine. "At least not people who don't deserve it."  
   
Deep down Gavin's always known that Haywood's not engaged in legal matters. And as much as the prospect of him dealing in human trafficking or worse had scared him, he knows this is one of the tamer alternatives. At least it's not the mob or some sort of torture club.  
   
And it's not like Gavin's not dealt with this kind of thing before. Back before he arrived to the states he'd been selling the information he got for willing buyers. He's no saint, and Haywood's certainly not one himself but Gavin finds himself not really caring. Haywood's the thing that matters, and he's offering him a job that could possibly be something he's always dreamed of.  
   
"That's alright." Gavin finally says, looking up from his hands and straight into Haywood's eyes that twinkle with curiosity. "I can't say that I'm pure and innocent and all that, but I do have some lines I won't cross. Innocents, or people who struggle already, those are people I don't want to harm."  
   
Haywood's silent, his head tilting to the side ever so slightly. Gavin stands his ground, not wavering under Haywood's gaze. He's not angry, the edge of his eyes sharp but not lethal.  
   
"You impress me." Haywood finally says with a soft shake of his head. "I can respect those lines and I won't make you do anything that you don't want to do. But I'll say this, and please don't take this the wrong way, but lines are blurrier out there than people imagine. It might not be as easy as you think, but I'll be sure to support you and respect your opinion."  
   
"Thank you." Gavin whispers, his eyes wide at the answer Haywood gives to him.  
   
"I was thinking that you could start the coming week, so in a few days. Only if that's alright with you?" Haywood continues. "There's not a huge pressure on the IT department right now so it would be ideal for you to get to know everybody and how things work here before it gets insane."  
   
"Alright." Gavin replies. "Is there anything I need to bring with me or?"  
   
"Everything will be provided here. Accounting needs your bank account information for your salary but otherwise it should be smooth."  
   
The prospect of having a salary seems so obvious but Gavin totally forgot it. He's not had a stable salary in years so the prospect of having one seems almost exciting. His mind flutters with all the things he could afford with a salary, all the things he could improve on. And yet at the same time, the things he's most excited about is the prospect of working for Haywood, having the chance to go poking around every locked door to feed his own curiosity.  
   
"There's one more thing I'd like to speak to you about." Haywood continues as Gavin doesn't have any questions for him. Gavin's head perks up at the change in tone and sees Haywood's eyes darken a shade or two.  
   
"Yes, sir?" Gavin breathes, slipping into the right set of mind immediately which causes Haywood's breath to visibly stutter for a fraction of a second.  
   
"I'd very much like to continue exploring this attraction between us." Haywood states, leaning back in his chair once more, his arms relaxed on the armrests and Gavin's entire nervous system is shuttering at the thought of Haywood's strong arms pinning him down. Gavin's nerves crackle at the ease with which Haywood talks about this thing as if Gavin doesn't disintegrate every time he even thinks about Haywood and his touch. "But I need to know that it's something you want as well. I like things to get a bit- intense, as you've probably gathered by now. I need to know you understand that and understand that if there's ever a point where I'm too intense or you stop enjoying yourself you need to tell me."  
   
"Yes sir." Gavin replies, his voice even and there's no doubts in his mind. His entire body aches for Haywood and he knows there's no turning back. But hearing from Haywood that he values Gavin's thoughts and consent makes the fire within him even wilder. "I do want it. I want all of you, I want you to consume me."  
   
"Good." Haywood breathes. "I enjoy seeing you give into your pleasure, writhe in your own ecstasy, and Gavin believe me that everything I do is aimed at that. You need to trust me to know how much you can take and trust me that when you need me to stop I'll stop. I realize that's hard, and I want you to know that we'll start slow and build up to things."  
   
"I trust you." Gavin replies immediately. "You've been so good to me sir."  
   
"Is that so?"  
   
"Yes sir." Gavin breathes. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, your touch against my skin, your hand on my throat." About your cock in my mouth. He doesn't say that one out loud but he knows Haywood knows.  
   
Haywood leans back towards Gavin, his hands resting on his desk, his eyes dark and predatory as his gaze lingers on Gavin's parted lips. There's a roar of warmth inside Gavin, the hunger to surrender to Haywood's wants to consume him from within, Haywood's eyes burning him from the outside.  
   
"And what would you like me to do in regards to that?" Haywood asks, his voice low and his eyes darker than sin and he stands up from his chair. The light from the windows highlight him with silver light and Gavin can't tear his eyes away from the way he moves, how his shirt sculpts itself across his broad chest, his strong arms waking all kinds of wicked thoughts within Gavin.  
   
"I-" Gavin swallows hard, his voice breaking as his words fail him. His mind is frying, burning up with the overwhelming urge to get it all, to do it all, to never break away again. How he wants him to take him, use him in all ways. He wants it all and he can't figure out the words as Haywood's eyes bore into him, inciting the inferno within him. "I want you."  
   
"You can do better than that." Haywood states, coming to stand in front of Gavin, leaning calmly against his desk. He's so close and Gavin's mind is not eased by Haywood's scent around him sending jolts of electricity through his body. His eyes are sharp as always but there's not an ounce of impatience in him and Gavin doesn’t really know how to handle this at all.  
   
"I want- I want to have your cock in my mouth." Gavin breathes.  
   
"Don't feel like you need to think about me right now." Haywood says even though Gavin sees the rush of pleasure flash in his eyes. "Let's focus on you."  
   
Gavin's mind reels, his footing seeming to disappear beneath him and he's tumbling. He's never thought about his own pleasure first and foremost, especially with Haywood. The enormous urge to please Haywood struggles with itself within Gavin. He wants to make Haywood feel good, he wants to make him come, but at the same time he needs to answer him to please him. Haywood wants to focus on Gavin's pleasure, and as Gavin turns his gaze inwards he's almost floored with a rush of pleasure.  
   
"I want-" Gavin starts, his hands gripping the armrests of the chair like he's going to float or sink if he lets go. Haywood nods at him, encouraging him but it's so hard. How can he choose? How is he's supposed to say the sinful things he craves out loud? "I want you to touch me."  
   
"How?"  
   
Gavin's sure he's bright pink by this point but there's no shame in his mind, just overpowering infernos burning up any concept of time and place. Haywood's there, his eyes dark and the hunger behind them evident and Gavin feels like there's nothing else than the two of them. Haywood's eyes never leave him, his patience seemingly never-ending.  
   
"I want- to feel your hands all over me." Gavin stutters, a rush of excitement running through him as Haywood actually seems to listen to him. "I want you to kiss me all over."  
   
"What else?" Haywood asks, shifting his weight and Gavin can see that he's excited as well. Gavin's cock is straining against his jeans almost painfully but there's nowhere else he wants to be than here under Haywood's attentive gaze and his burning hunger.  
   
"I want you to shatter me." Gavin shudders at the words that tumble out of his mouth. "I want you to make me forget my own name. I want you to use me."  
   
"Go on." Haywood's voice is lower than ever, closer to a growl than to anything else and Gavin shivers at the intensity of it all. He's burning up, collapsing into ashes if he doesn’t touch him soon, the only way to cure him from this painfully consuming hunger within him.  
   
"Please-" Gavin begs, his voice collapsing under the weight of his desperation.  
   
"Go on." Haywood repeats, his voice a hair tighter. Gavin whines in frustration, shifting in his seat growing more and more impatient. But he knows there's no point in groveling.  
   
"Please I just want to feel your cock in-"  
   
The bubble around Gavin pops violently as Haywood's phone starts ringing.  
   
Gavin's acutely aware of the warmth of his skin against the cool office air, the glass walls letting in the afternoon light and the way his pants seem two sizes too small.  
   
Haywood looks frustrated, but not at him. Gavin looks at him, watches him struggle against the urge to ignore it and just focus on this. Gavin knows deep down that it's a lost battle, and he's not surprised to see Haywood reach for the phone and answer-  
   
"What?" Haywood barks into the phone, clearly annoyed by the interruption. Gavin swallows hard, tries not to imagine being on the other end of that tone. Haywood's leaning back against his desk, his legs crossed at the ankle, his form tall and so otherworldly gorgeous that it takes Gavin's breath away. The way his shirt hugs his arms, the way his eyes move from Gavin to stare out the window. Gavin's aching so bad he feels like he's shattering to pieces already and he's not even touched him yet.  
   
The voice on the other side of the phone is barely there, and Gavin can only imagine what it must be to call Haywood with what appears to be bad news. The way Haywood's jaw tightens, the way his breath seems tight, it all should be terrifying, but Gavin can't see past the almost sculpture like hardness in his edges. He's so gorgeous like this he should be immortalized in marble.  
   
"You're sure about that?" Haywood asks, the chill in his voice like a winter storm and the hairs on Gavin's arms stand to end. "Fine, fine. I'll handle it and I'll figure out what to do with you later."  
   
"Is everything alright?" Gavin asks, leaning forward in his chair ever so slightly as Haywood puts his phone down. The edge in him should be enough to make Gavin reel back from the danger zone but Gavin's brain has been too immersed in this poisonous fog that he wants nothing more than to reach out and smooth the furrow of his brow.  
   
"Nothing I can't handle." Haywood replies with a sigh. His hand reaches out and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I need to go deal with it."  
   
"I understand." Gavin replies, knowing that he should understand but there's an impatient, almost childish voice in his head who's very aware of the burning simmering within him, the knowledge that Haywood's just there, only inches away from him. He could just reach out, take him here, make him scream his name across the rooftops. Gavin wants nothing more than to beg, to grovel, to cry until Haywood would take him into his arms, his hands, take him and use him. The words are just on the tip of his tongue.  
   
Haywood looks at him, tilting his head slightly. A smirk spreads slowly across his face and Gavin blushes at the sight, Haywood's predatory eyes lingering across his body, his gaze sending fires across his neck, his chest until finally burning a hole through his groin.  
   
"Trust me, I'm equally unhappy to have to leave." Haywood drawls, and Gavin shivers at the unspoken promise in his voice.  
   
"No, I get it." Gavin hurries to reassure him. "I can handle myself."  
   
That's a lie and they both know it. Haywood's eyes twinkle with something akin to mischief and Gavin can't help the cold rush of excitement and fear that rushes through him.  
   
Gavin shrinks back against the backrest of the leather chair as Haywood places his hands on the armrests, completely shadowing Gavin as he leans closer. Gavin's eyes are glued to Haywood's eyes, piercing and wicked as he smirks at Gavin. There's a heat that's overwhelming inside Gavin, and Haywood's delicious scent lingers around him and surrounds him in a haze of pleasure.  
   
"I need you to do something for me." Haywood drawls, his lips oh so close and Gavin feel like he's melting. The hunger to reach out and touch Haywood, to kiss him, to give himself over to him is sinful and like a fog within him. "Are you listening to me Gavin?"  
   
"Yes sir." Gavin breathes, not caring how glaringly visible his lust is in his voice. He's held still by Haywood's eyes, those strong arms caging him in and he strains against his jeans already. Haywood's hand is quick, mercilessly strong as he palms Gavin through his jeans and Gavin help his soft cry at the sensation against his aching cock. Gavin whimpers as his back arches, bringing their lips so close they brush together ever so softly and Gavin's sure Haywood can't help but to take pity on him.  
   
"You're so good for me." Haywood says, his wicked tone contrasting the softness of his words and Gavin's stomach flutters wildly. His breath is so sinful against Gavin's skin, hot and heavy sending shivers down Gavin's spine. He's sure he's going to pass out. "The way your cheeks flush bright red as you cry out, the way you melt in my hands makes me ache. You understand why I don't want to miss anything, but I can't stay and make you weep like I want. So, what I need from you Gavin-" Haywood leans closer, the hand on Gavin's cock demanding and Gavin feels like he's imploding. "-is to not touch yourself while I'm gone."  
   
"Wait what-" Gavin breathes, shaking his head to clear it. "You can't mean-"  
   
"I do Gavin." Haywood smirks. His eyes so close to him now, no hesitation behind that cold blueness. "I want to see, feel and hear your next climax. Touch yourself before that and I'll know."  
   
"When-?"  
   
"It shouldn't take more than a few days."  
   
Gavin shudders as Haywood's words sink in and as quickly as his hand grabbed his cock it's gone. Haywood straightens himself, brushing away creases from his shirt as he looks down at Gavin. Gavin's sure he's unraveled already, his cock straining and aching in his pants and no way to relieve his pressure.  
   
"Please sir-" Gavin hurries to plead as Haywood grabs his phone and makes his way to the door.  
   
"As much as I enjoy hearing you beg, there's nothing you can say to change my mind." Haywood says as he reaches the door. "You'll be good to me, right?"  
   
"Of course." Gavin hurries to answer no matter how hard his need for the contrary is. Haywood's eyes are twinkling with sinful delights and the smirk on his face is downright terrifying, and absolutely not helping Gavin's situation at all.  
   
"You can stay here until you've calmed down if you'd like." Haywood continues. "Be sure to grab instructions for your first day on your way out."  
   
And as quick as that Haywood's out the door and leaves Gavin with his throbbing cock and a suffocating silence.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! ❤
> 
> No new content tags this week, but a few new characters as Gav's off to work! They grow up so fast! Things do continue to be frustrating for poor Gav, trying to be so good but Haywood's not making it easy on him. Where's the fun in having it be easy?
> 
> I'm blown away by your comments, my god you're awesome and own my soul. Thank you so much for hanging on! ❤❤ I've currently plotted out the rest of this story and have a large portion of it written. This story will reach its end at chapter 10 if nothing unusual happens. I've got plans for sequels though, there's so much that I want to explore! Would you believe that one of two scenes I wanted to write is still not in the story? (The first scene is the infamous scene from chapter two.)

Gavin feels like he's a teenager once more. It's not as if he can't manage to not touch himself, but he didn't realize how much harder that is when he's not allowed to do so. It takes him longer than he ever expected to get himself calm enough to walk out of Haywood's office and get his instructions from Ashley.  
   
Later that night it is equally difficult to distract himself from the simmering lust within him. He's sure he'll die if this keeps up. He can't stop his mind from wandering back to that office and Haywood's touch against his skin. It's as if just one thought spirals into an unstoppable onslaught of imagery that gets him all hot and bothered within a mere second.  
   
Not being allowed to release some of that pressure building inside him is torturous. It's absolutely the worst thing ever, and yet the thought of breaking his promise seems so wrong. Haywood knows he'll obey, Gavin knows he'll obey. It's thrilling really. Haywood's order feels like electricity in his spine, making him stand straighter and the lust within him consumes him slowly and it's all too much in the perfect way. The hunger within him and the orders for not being allowed to do anything but to succumb to it heightens everything around Gavin and he feels like he's a lit fuse all the time.  
   
It's not just the inescapable hunger within him that makes him feel like a teenager. After a few days of simmering in his apartment, desperate for release and distractions, he's standing outside the very building he broke into what seems like an eternity ago. The nerves within him crackle with an intensity he's not used to, and it takes all of him to not run away. He's always been bad at new beginnings and the thought of starting work at a place that so vividly reminds him of the coil inside him seems nerve wracking.  
   
Gavin breathes deep in a vain attempt to calm himself and opens the door with the key card he got from Ashley. It all started from here and it seems fitting that as Gavin feels like he's being torn apart by his hunger that he returns here to die. This place is far away from the skyscraper and way busier than the office had been. Gavin has to sidestep one employee on his way in who seems to be in a hurry as he makes his way into the main lobby that's bustling with people walking from place to place.  
   
It's awkward. Gavin's backpack seems so heavy and he fidgets with the strap as he looks around feeling out of place. This place had been desolate when he was here last time, but now there's people walking and chatting all over the lobby. He walks up to the desk where a guard sits looking bored.  
   
"Hey." Gavin says, a small quiver in his voice that he hates. He wishes he'd always have the same unwavering confidence as he has when he's with Haywood.  
   
The guard looks up at him, eyeing him up and down before putting his magazine down.  
   
"Free, right?" He says. Gavin nods and watches him reach for his phone.  
   
Gavin looks around him as the guard makes his call, taking a few steps back as a group of people rush past him. There's a group of scientists walking into the lab he tagged and his heart stutters as he catches a glimpse of that wall through the large windows on the doors. It's still there, the wall still colorful and painted with the night skyline and Gavin feels like he's stumbling, his heart swelling with happiness.  
   
He kept it. Haywood kept it.  
   
"Hey!" The guard barks and motions for Gavin's attention. There's a fog inside Gavin's brain, he can't really focus but he looks over. There's a rounder man standing by the desk now, waving a bit awkwardly.  
   
"You're the new guy, right?" The man says, and Gavin walks over to him to shake his extended hand. "I'm Larry and I work over in IT."  
   
"Hi." Gavin replies, a bit unsure on how friendly he should be at this point. It all seems so ordinary and not at all like the shady corporations he's seen in movies. He feels like there should be red lights and secret handshakes, not ordinary looking people like Larry.  
   
"Follow me." Larry smiles and motions for him. "You'll have to excuse me, we didn't get a lot of info about you."  
   
"Oh, I'm Gavin." Gavin hurries to reply. He wonders if Haywood left out his information on purpose and what that purpose might be.  
   
"Pleased to meet you Gavin." Larry says, pushing open a door into a long hallway. "I'm sure you've been briefed about what we do here."  
   
"Only the basics." Gavin says, his eyes roaming over the unmarked metal doors lining the hallway. It looks like a research facility or maybe a hospital with the white lights and the long corridors.  
   
"Well, I'm here to bring you to the boss and he'll explain everything you need to know." Larry says, not knowing that Gavin's chest feels like it's going to burst with the thought of seeing Haywood.  
   
"Haywood?"  
   
"Oh no!" Larry blinks surprised. "No, I meant the head of IT. Haywood's rarely here. You've met him?"  
   
"Yeah." Gavin breathes, trying not to let his disappointment shine through. He's met him alright. There's a warm rush inside Gavin and he's flushed with desire. He curses Haywood for doing this to him, he has to have known that the mere thought of him would make Gavin spiral into desire after all the tension Haywood built inside of him without the possibility of doing anything about it. Gavin can't deny that he loves the thrill of the coil within him, the challenge of having to float in his pleasure trusting that Haywood will pick him back up and hopefully fuck him through the universe.  
   
"He's terrifying." Larry says, the shiver in his voice partially masked with a nervous laugh. Gavin hums something noncommittal trying to collect his thoughts.  
   
Larry's step is shorter than Gavin’s, but he moves with a surprising amount of speed and Gavin has to hurry to keep up with him as they walk through into another corridor. This place seems to be much larger than Gavin though it would be, the white corridors nondescript and none of the doors seem to be labeled. He's sure he'll get lost here.  
   
"I know, we're a bit far from the main door." Larry shrugs apologetically. "Haywood said it's for the safety, if someone broke in they'd have to find their way to the IT. You know it's not an ordinary IT department, right?"  
   
"I gathered." Gavin says, pushing his hands into his pockets. "What do you do?"  
   
"It's mostly information gathering." Larry replies. "Hacking and searching for intel on the things other departments are dealing with. Like last week, I needed to get into the FBI database to clean up some files for a client. The week before I monitored a person's movements. It varies really."  
   
Gavin hums. It didn't seem to be too technically challenging. It's illegal but not too morally questionable. He figures he can do this job with relative ease.  
   
Larry slows down as they reach a door at the end of this hallway. Gavin's nervous, but excited, as he watches Larry pull out his keycard and open the door for Gavin.  
   
The room within the door is huge. Gavin's breathless as he takes in the slightly dimmer room compared to the glaring white light of the hallway. There's row after row of desks with computers and a handful of people at them. Even from this distance Gavin can see the quality of the computers, he recognizes the new model of screens. He can practically taste the money that's been poured into this space and it makes him tingle with delight.  
   
The room is carpeted with a soft grey carpet that softens their footsteps as Larry motions Gavin to follow him as he walks across the room towards the glassed-in offices at the far wall. The glass walls of the offices have a stripe of frosted glass for a bit of privacy and Gavin can't see the person on the other side of the glass.  
   
Gavin can't stop his head from swiveling as he takes in the room. Nobody seems to pay him any mind. Gavin can see one of the screens display the telltale view of the FBI databases, one showing a bank account for one of the major banks in the area. He's beyond excited to be allowed to go snooping.  
   
He looks up from the rows of computers and sees that the wall in front of them peppered with large windows overlooking a courtyard. Gavin's sure it's the interior of the building, and there's a few trees that shade what looks like a pretty nice spot for breaks.  
   
Larry walks up to one of the larger glassed in offices and knocks on the door. Gavin hangs back a few steps, still looking over the room. It honestly looks more like a control room at NASA than what he'd consider to be an IT department. It looks like there's no technical limitations for the work that's been done here, the only limitations being the creativity of the people working here. Gavin watches one of the workers make his way to the door to grab snacks from the small kitchen he didn't see when they walked in.  
   
"The new guys here." Gavin hears Larry say into the office and Gavin turns back as he hears the sounds of a chair rolling back.  
   
"Thanks Larry, I'll take it from-"  
   
Gavin recognizes that voice and his mouth falls agape as he sees the tall figure emerge from the room. As their eyes meet Gavin can see the same surprise mirrored in him.  
   
"Gavin?"  
   
"Trevor?" Gavin replies with equal confusion. "You work here?"  
   
"Um yeah." Trevor says, rubbing his neck as he eyes Gavin over. "I guess you're the new guy."  
   
Trevor's the last person Gavin thought he'd see here. Gavin doesn't really know how he's supposed to react, and neither does Trevor. They stare at each other as Larry seems to sense the awkwardness of the situation as he excuses himself.  
   
Gavin supposes he shouldn't be so surprised. He doesn't really know all that much about Trevor, just that he's into hacking and the like. He's not even sure about his last name. Looking back now, he does remember the suspicious times he just left after a phone call, or the fact that he didn't talk about Haywood as much as the others did.  
   
"You didn't stay away from Haywood, huh?" Trevor finally asks with a soft laugh.  
   
"Wasn't really in my hands." Gavin replies with a smile. "Wow man, I really didn't think you worked here, but it makes sense looking back."  
   
"This isn't really a workplace you put on your LinkedIn." Trevor laughs and pushes his hands into his pockets. "So, you're the new promising hacker I've heard so little about."  
   
"That's me I guess." Gavin replies, more at ease with how well Trevor's taking this thing. "I mean out of all the people I know you're the person I figure was the most likely to work for a shady corporation."  
   
Trevor's laugh is loud and genuine, and Gavin can't help but to join in. His mind's still trying to piece it all together but he's relieved that it's working out so well. Besides it might be helpful to have Trevor in charge to explain everything to him. He's known him for most of the time he's spent on this side of the pond and although he's not as comfortable around Trevor as he is with Michael there's still comfort in knowing someone here.  
   
"Come on then." Trevor says as his laugh dies down. "Let's get you set up."  
   
Trevor motions for Gavin to follow him as he walks over to the last row of computers, the ones the furthest from the windows but Gavin doesn't mind. It's cooler and dimmer here and he's thankful for it. The light pouring into the room from the windows seems so sharp and warm and Gavin's definitely more comfortable here with his back to the wall.  
   
"You can set up your stuff here." Trevor says, leaning against the wall as Gavin pulls out his laptop and sets it on the desk beside the large high definition screens already on there. "We'll set up your accounts next."  
   
Gavin hurries after Trevor as they walk back into Trevor’s office. It's lighter than the main room and the desk is tidier than any desk Gavin's seen. There's a large stack of files towering on his desk, but Trevor doesn't cast them a second glance as he sits down behind his computer.  
   
"So, I guess you're my boss now." Gavin jokes, sitting down on the chair by his desk. Trevor laughs as he types.  
   
"I guess so."  
   
Gavin's brimming with questions but he stays silent as he watches Trevor make his accounts, before writing the log in information down on a piece of paper and offering it to Gavin.  
   
"The computer out there is completely empty." Trevor says leaning back in his chair. "We wipe everything here quite thoroughly so take today to install everything you might need or want."  
   
"Alright." Gavin replies, already trying to make a list of the things he might need.  
   
"It's really quiet right now, the missions we got are already mostly done so you'll have the time to get settled in before I give you something major to work on."  
   
"Anything I should know?"  
   
"Not really. There's about ten people working here on and off. You've met Larry, he's really good at looking outside the box so if you're stuck he's a good person to throw ideas around with. Matt's really methodical and sees patterns like no one else, Kent's really good at writing code and you're welcome to ask me or the others anything. We're a team here and basically the backbone of Haywood Industries. We gather all the intel for everything that goes down and we also provide a large amount of the services the company is hired for."  
   
"Way to make me nervous." Gavin laughs. Trevor's eyes squint together as he laughs.  
   
"If the things I've heard are true, you'll fit right in."  
   
Gavin spends the rest of the day getting settled in. His computer hums with activity as he installs everything he thinks he might ever need and as they're installing he walks the room.  
   
Larry's in the first row by the windows and there's a lot of trinkets on his desk. He seems nice, really friendly as Gavin chats with him. There's something really nonthreatening about how Larry carries himself, and if Gavin didn't know better he wouldn't peg Larry to work in a place like this. But he definitely senses that he's really good at seeing outside the box, he seems just like that. He reminds him of some of the younger people he hung out with back in England and he excuses himself as he starts to feel a bit homesick.  
   
Matt walks over to his desk a bit later, offering him a chocolate bar from the kitchen on his way back to his own desk. He seems to be really curious about Gavin and his history. Gavin tells him only the vague story but even that seems to be good enough for Matt. He walks off later with the large number of snacks in his arms to his desk on the second row. Gavin can't shake the feeling that Matt's leaning into the chaotic side of hacking and he loves it.  
   
Gavin figures it's good to introduce him to the last person in the room before the day ends. Kent seems a bit more intense than the rest of them and tells him he's into hunting and that if he ever wants jerky he's the person to ask. Gavin chuckles nervously, not really into that stuff but Kent seems to be really good at what he does. Gavin figures that Haywood wouldn't just hire someone he picked up from the streets.  
   
The sun shifts in the sky and people filter out. Gavin stays behind as Matt, Kent and Larry leave for the day. Trevor's still in his office and offers to help Gavin out. They both got a lot of work to do still and the office falls into a comfortable silence. Trevor's door's ajar but Gavin can't hear anything this far. He waits for the last installs to finish.  
   
He logs into all the tools they use here for interoffice communications and adds all the people he's going to be working with. Haywood's on the top of that list and there's a wild fluttering inside Gavin as he remembers his homework. After all these distractions the hunger within him seems to much more prominent and Gavin bites his lip as he moves on to finalize the rest of the installs and logins.  
   
There's a ping in his headphones and he looks over to the other screen to see that he's got a few new messages. He scrolls quickly through the websites Trevor sent him, all of them useful and something he'll have to read later. Gavin's heart stutters as he sees that one of the messages is from Haywood himself.  
   
_Good first day at work?_  
   
Gavin's fingers shake a bit as he's hit with an intense sensation at his words. He types quickly an answer to him, casting a glance around the empty room.  
   
_Informative. Still setting things up. You?_  
   
Gavin can't stop staring at the screen as he waits impatiently.  
  
_Long day._  
   
Gavin doesn't know what to reply to it but he sees that Haywood's typing before he manages to figure out what to answer to him. Gavin tries to focus on finalizing a download as his eyes keep wandering over to the other screen. Haywood's mere digital presence is almost too much as he's been teetering on the edge of pleasure for too long already. Gavin's sure that one whispered word from Haywood would make him disintegrate.  
   
His headphones ping.  
   
_You been good for me?_  
   
Gavin can't stop the shiver that rushes through him at the sight of those words. He casts a glance at Trevor's door and sees that he's still in his office. He's thankful that the messaging here is secure and private. He'd be mortified if someone saw these messages.  
   
_Yes, sir._  
   
Gavin bites his lip as he waits for Haywood's reply. Those three dots seem to mock him as they dance on his screen. Gavin's already teetering on the edge of pleasure and Haywood's words only heighten his senses. It's like the air around him is electric, the simmering fire within him roaring with heat.  
   
_I'm worried I gave you a task that's too simple. You've got a lot of distractions with your new job, so your homework might not be challenging enough for you._  
   
Gavin's unsure what he's supposed to feel. There's a thrill that the words bring him, fanning the flames within him but at the same time he's filled with dread about having to do something more. He's been aching for an eternity already, brought to his knees with the promise of a mind shattering release in the near future.  
   
_What do you have in mind, sir?_  
   
Gavin's stomach twirls as the chat is still for a moment. His heart hammers wildly, his thoughts racing towards all kinds of filthy imagery. He can't believe he's outright sexting his boss in the middle of the office.  
   
Gavin's eyes are drawn to the dancing dots once more. He's shaking with a twisted sense of anticipation for whatever wicked thing Haywood's thinking of.  
   
_Every night from now on I want you to bring yourself to the edge and then stop before you come._  
   
Gavin's fingers move to the keyboard, desperate to beg for anything else but he stops himself. As if the thought of not being able to touch himself wasn't hard enough already. This sounds more like torture than anything else and Gavin can see the smug smirk on Haywood's gorgeous face right about now.  
   
The urge to be good for him burns like acid inside him, and he can't make himself beg for anything else. Gavin's up for the challenge, he knows it'll be hard and he's going to hate it but he can't help but to trust Haywood to know what's best.   
  
_I'll think of you and your touch, sir._  
   
Gavin's out of breath as he hits enter and sends his reply. He feels like he's burning and he's sure he's bright red as he tries to focus on the setup he needs to do. The words blend together as he can see the dots dance on the other screen.  
   
_You're going to kill me. I promise I'll make it worth it._  
   
Gavin doesn't hesitate one second before sending his reply.  
  
_I trust you, sir._  
   
As Gavin's laying in his bed later that night he's sure he made the worst decision. His hand is sinful against his cock and even a few days of not being allowed to touch himself it feels like there's a flood within him.  
   
He knows this will be terrible. He knows it deep down, and yet he can't refuse Haywood's orders. His hand feels so good, so right against his cock as he strokes himself first slowly, quickly turning the speed up. He's been on the edge for days and there's not much patience left in him.  
   
Gavin's heels dig into the soft mattress and he arches into his touch, his mind already imagining Haywood here. His eyes on him, Gavin swears he can feel them on his body, lingering on the way he arches, how he pants, how he draws his lip between his teeth as he thumbs his slit.  
   
"Fuck!" Gavin pants, imagining Haywood sitting in the corner, just looking at Gavin as he masturbates. The thought of being watched burns inside him and he can imagine Haywood's own cock in his hand as he strokes himself so lazily. Gavin's not lazy, he's frantic as he chances the edge that's been forbidden from him for too long.  
   
Gavin's close already, he's not ready yet. He knows he'll have to stop, he knows it'll be terrible and he continues regardless. His grip is tight, his skin glistening in the neon light pouring in from the window and he needs it so bad, he wants it so bad. He wants Haywood's cock in him, he wants his eyes on him as he slams him through the world, splitting him into two without a second thought.  
   
His toes curl and he can feel the edge, so raw that it tastes like blood in his mouth. He knows, he knows, and he stops with a frustrated scream that dies into a whine in his throat as he throws his head back against his pillows. He's going to die, he knows it and he's so helpless to do anything about it. He's so hard, he's so close, he just needs a few seconds more and he'll be seeing stars.  
   
He can't. He promised.  
   
His chest heaves and he's outright sobbing with frustration as he climbs out of his bed and walks into the bathroom to soak in water as icy as Haywood's eyes for eternity. He's burning up and he's so tightly wrung only a word could make him snap.  
   
Gavin's nerves feel open to the air the next few days. He's wrung tight with the build up inside him he's unable to do anything about. Every thought of his days is spent on Haywood and his infuriating smirk, his hand on Gavin's cock and the sinful things he'd whisper in his ear.  
   
Everyday he'd be greeted at work by a message from Haywood. A simple question he'd always answer with an affirmative. Yes, he's dying. Yes, he's being good. Yes, his entire body feels like a live wire ready to snap at any moment. Yes, all his thoughts are of him. It didn't matter really, the messages only seeming to make his situation more heightened.  
   
Work itself is good. Trevor's patient with him and the rest of the guys make an effort to include Gavin into the office banter. There's not much work yet, Trevor still handing most of the files to the others as Gavin's still finding his sea legs. The throbbing hunger that's consumed most of Gavin by now doesn't make it easier to focus on difficult tasks, but Trevor doesn't seem to be wiser to the reason for his absentmindedness. Gavin feels like a shell of a person, his mind frayed at the edges from teetering on the sharp edge of his pleasure without having any release.  
   
The promise of more interesting missions is exciting. He's watched a few simple missions over Larry's shoulder. This work is very similar to the things he's used to and the thought of uncovering secrets like the one's he's uncovered is thrilling. He's burning with desire to make and use the key he found but according to Trevor they're still working on the logistics of it all.  
   
He'd get home every night with a painful throbbing inside him. The thrill and the hunger always overpowering him, making his movements frantic and painful as he brings him to the edge, aching with the need to just come already. But every time he stops, breathing heavily, lingering in that intensity inside him as he floats back down.  
   
It's infuriating.  
   
It's amazing.  
   
Every night it takes less and less to bring him weeping. More than once he's been able to do with without his hands, just the imagine of Haywood making him quiver and cry in frustration. It's too intense, so incredibly difficult Gavin feels like he's breaking in two. Tears on his face are laced with frustration and the building tension that someday will break like a high-tension wire bursting free and snapping with lethal power.  
   
Gavin's so hungry for Haywood's touch. He feels like he's locked and loaded, he's ready to snap with a single word. Hell, at this point his scent might be enough.  
   
Apparently just the mention of his name might be enough. Gavin just stares at Trevor as he stands by Gavin's desk.  
   
"Excuse me?" Gavin asks, bewildered by the words he thought he heard.  
   
"Training." Trevor repeats. "Haywood's requested it himself."  
   
"What? Why?" Gavin asks, looking over the room. None of the others are paying them any mind. Nobody in this room feels that same heat in them at the mention of Haywood's name.  
   
"Everybody's been trained in the basics of hand to hand." Trevor shrugs. "It's a safety thing."  
   
Everyone's been through this. Gavin lingers on that thought to keep him sane the following morning as he walks into the shady gym near Haywood Industries main site, or the Site as Larry keeps insisting. Gavin has to admit it's quicker to talk about the Site than take the time with the longer name, but it sounds just too nerdy even for him.  
   
This gym looks like it's seen better days, the worn brick facade unimpressive. Gavin walks up to it, his duffel on his shoulder as he walks through the doors. He quickly finds that he's the only one there besides a larger man who introduces himself as his trainer. Gavin's a bit intimidated by this Adam, looming over him but there's a kind twinkle in his eyes.  
   
Gavin walks through to the large open space behind the locker rooms after he's changed into his shorts and loose top he bought ages ago when he was into running. In comparison to Gavin Adam's looking like a mountain in his tight shirt and his sweatpants as he's warming up by the large padded area. Gavin walks over as he's motioned over. He's feeling almost nauseous with nerves about this whole thing. This man could break him into two and not even break a sweat.  
   
Adam's voice is low and booming but nonthreatening as he instructs Gavin through warm up. It's nothing he can't handle and he's appreciative of the physical distraction. He feels warm all over, a sensation that's slightly different from the intense burning when he touches Haywood.  
   
By the third day in a row of training with Adam, Gavin's feeling more and more confident with his hand to hand skills. Well, for an instance, he actually has something akin to a skill now. He's never been much into fighting but there's something really satisfying about landing a hit, no matter how much he knows Adam's taking it easy with him. Gavin knows he's far from being able to defend himself on the streets but there's a swelling pride inside him as he manages to land a kick they've been practicing.  
   
"Well done."  
   
Gavin freezes at the familiar voice booming behind him and that's all it takes. He's distracted for a second and he feels all air leave him as Adam throws him flat on his back on the soft padding. He's disoriented by the fall but he looks up to see Haywood smirking by the locker rooms. The gasp that flies out of Gavin's mouth could be mistaken for just the air leaving his body after a good hit but they both know better.  
   
"Mr. Haywood." Adam greets him with a wide smile and stands up. "Didn't think we'd be seeing you here today."  
   
"A moment of fancy Adam." Haywood replies. "Heard you've been training Gavin and I was curious."  
   
Haywood's eyes shift to Gavin and if there was any air in Gavin it's gone the moment those blue eyes land on him again after all this time. It's worse and better than he's ever imagined. It's like hot blades running across him, a tornado of fire roaring inside him and all he wants to do is to crawl and beg and plead for Haywood to take mercy on him.  
   
"Care for a spar?" Haywood asks suddenly, his eyes wandering over to Adam. "Might do Gavin good to see how it's supposed to look like."  
   
Adam seems more than thrilled and Gavin moves aside from the padded floor to go sit on one of the crates. He leans against his knees, trying to shield his growing erection at the sight of Haywood marching over and shedding his clothes. First goes the long jacket, then the button up shirt to an undershirt that only enhances Haywood's strong shoulders and arms.  
   
Gavin's sure this is the way he's going to die.  
   
"You'll have to excuse my slacks." Haywood laughs as he kicks off his shoes. Adam's laugh booms around the bare walls as he shifts his weight watching Haywood remove his socks and roll his slacks up to give him better mobility. They seem so excited and Gavin feels like he's going to cry, wanting nothing more than Haywood to just ravage him here. He doesn't even care if Adam would see it. Gavin needs Haywood bad.  
   
Haywood and Adam circle around each other and Gavin can see the concentration on their faces. Adam strikes first, a strike he's been teaching Gavin, but Haywood blocks it with ease. God, he looks so good, the hit just thudding against his forearm like it's nothing. Adam laughs and squares his shoulder.  
   
"Don't go easy on me." Haywood smirks and Gavin's sure he's soaked through his underwear by now. He's so hard he feels like he's turning into stone and he digs his fingernails into his palms as he watches Adam and Haywood start to dance.  
   
It's mesmerizing as much as it's hot. Gavin's mind reels with the competence of them both, their hands and feet moving so quickly Gavin's sure he'll never be able to keep up with them. Adam reels back as one of Haywood's kicks lands and Haywood doesn't hesitate to follow through.  
   
Haywood's nothing else than divine like this. There's a sharp intelligence in his eyes, a soft gleam of sweat on his skin and his muscles seem to almost flow in time with his movements. He looks like he's dancing, like he's in his element and Gavin can't help but to wonder how long he's been doing this because he looks so natural.  
   
Gavin has to remind himself that this is just a friendly sparring match as the kicks start to pack a punch. The gym is filled with grunts and the sounds of hard kicks and punches and Gavin's enthralled at the ease with which they move. Haywood flows like water, so strong and unwavering against Adam's brute strength.  
   
Gavin's eyes linger on Haywood's muscles moving so smoothly, bordering to sinful and sensual as he dodges hit after hit, smattering his own attacks when Adam least suspects it. Gavin doesn't know how he's supposed to learn anything, how he's supposed to focus on learning when Haywood moves so smoothly, the deep grunts of exertion so close to the sounds he made when Gavin first gave himself over to Haywood. Gavin feels like he's burning up as well as being under an icy shower as he imagines what Haywood moving like that might feel like against his naked skin.  
   
Gavin can't comprehend how aroused he is as he watches. There's an overwhelming urge to touch himself, to relieve the pressure within him. This entire situation is just making things harder for him, he knows if Haywood doesn't take pity on him he's sure he's going to die tonight. The thought alone makes him bite his lip tighter, he feels like he's bursting as he stifles the pained moan that wants to escape his lips.  
   
The sound that escapes Haywood as he puts his weight behind his kick is nothing but feral. Adam goes flying and Gavin can't help but to gasp at the rough landing he has. It's as time stands still as Gavin can't stop thinking about how much a kick of that scale must hurt. Gavin's eyes wander from Adam to Haywood, still reeling with the realization of the strength he put into that kick.  
   
Haywood's form is still impeccable, his face showing no fatigue no matter the intense spar he just ended. He looks wary, his eyes not leaving Adam even as he's horizontal, but there's no menace behind those stormy blue eyes.  
   
"Hah, you've been practicing those kicks friend!" Adam laughs breaking the silence. Gavin huffs out a breath he didn’t' know he was holding, as Adam sits up and grabs Haywood's outstretched hand. Haywood pulls him up with ease and they both laugh and hug it out.  
   
"You've trained me too well." Haywood replies, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Can't let a few kicks get you down."  
   
"Oof, a few kicks huh?" Adam laughs, walking over to the side to grab his water bottle. "They pack a mean punch."  
   
The air in the gym is light, way lighter than feels appropriate after the intensity of their sparring but Gavin's stuck in a lightning storm. He's charred by the electricity and fire within him. Gavin's suffocating in his urge to just throw himself over to Haywood, his skin glistening to sinfully in the light as he and Adam talk. Gavin can't hear what they're talking about, the rush of blood in his ears drowns everything else out but his hammering heart.  
   
Haywood casts a glance at Gavin and Gavin can't help but to part his lips ever so slightly, a strained pant escaping his lips as Adam continues to talk. Haywood's eyes are burning through Gavin, everything about him screaming at Gavin to run, run away from the danger of it all or to run into his arms and embrace the thrill. The darkness and the hungry edge in his eyes, the power in his body, the glint of white teeth in his smirk.  
   
Gavin's dying.  
   
"I've got a few things I'd like to go over with Gavin so if your satisfied with the training-?" Haywood turns his attention back to Adam as he seems to take pity. Gavin's not sure if he's taking pity on him or himself. He doesn't care, all he cares about is Haywood ravaging him before he disintegrates.  
   
"Absolutely!" Adam replies quickly. "I'm sore from your damn kicks and Gavin's mostly done for the day. There was just a bit of cardio left."  
   
"I'll make sure he does that." Haywood replies innocently but Gavin feels like he's been thrown into a burning house with the heat that roars through him.  
   
"I appreciate it." Adam replies, reaching out to shake Haywood's hand before casting a glance at Gavin. "I'll see you next Tuesday, be sure to practice those blocks I showed you today."  
   
"I will." Gavin's mouth is so dry he's sure Adam couldn't hear him, but Adam smiles nonetheless.  
   
This is it. Four hours from a full week later after the infuriatingly unsatisfying meeting he had with Haywood. Seven days of teetering on the edge, with blood in his mouth and a raging hunger within him.  
   
Gavin watches Adam walk over to his duffel, his eyes following him as he throws it over his shoulder and waves them goodbye. His heart is hammering at the speed of light and he's so dizzy with his lust he's sure he'll fall if he's not holding on to the crate he's sitting on. The sound of the front doors closing sends immense pleasure through Gavin as he looks up at Haywood, still glistening and his eyes are looking at Gavin with a hunger he's never seen before. It takes his breath away and he can't help but to fall to his hands and knees in front of Haywood.  
   
"Come here." Haywood's voice is so low Gavin can barely hear it, but he feels it run through him and ignite every single cell of his body. His mind screams at him only one word. Obey. He's so aroused he's sure he'll combust with one touch, but he never breaks eye contact with Haywood as he crawls over to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit guys I know I'm terrible  
>   
>  _(It's gonna be worth it I promise)_


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! ❤
> 
> A few new very spoilery NSFW tags this week! Hopefully this chapter will make up for last chapter and also make it up for poor Gav who's been through hell for this. 
> 
> We're nearing the end! What a weird thought, it feels like this story has been my life for so long already. Can't wait to start working on the continuation for this, these two are so delicious to work with. You guys have made this journey so incredibly wonderful, I love you all! ❤
> 
> (I also managed to get a full-time job! Ah I'm so happy as it's one of the positions that I've been eyeing for years and it's all just so exciting! That'll cut down my writing time but as I start first in May I've got the time to finish this story without problems!)

_"Come here." Haywood's voice is so low Gavin can barely hear it, but he feels it run through him and ignite every single cell of his body. His mind screams at him only one word. Obey. He's so aroused he's sure he'll combust with one touch, but he never breaks eye contact with Haywood as he crawls over to him._  
  
"Please." Gavin gasps as he reaches Haywood. He's so tall, his posture towering over Gavin as he kneels in front of him. Gavin's aching, he's so close and he can't think of anything, the swarm of angry bees inside him giving him no rest as he pants. There's no shame in him, no second thought to the universe around them.  
   
Haywood bends down, his hand reaching into Gavin's hair and Gavin feels himself shatter apart at the intense sensation. His hand's so large, so hot and Gavin's on fire, there's no saving him now. Haywood's eyes are still above him but it's all too much, his eyes lull close and his mouth falls open as the fire within him spreads and the ache inside him feels like he's melting.  
   
"You've been good for me?" Haywood asks, the grip on Gavin's hair so deliciously tight as he tilts Gavin's head up. "Look at me."  
   
"Yes, sir." Gavin whimpers, his eyes watering with the mere possibility of being allowed to come. Haywood's so close. Fuck, he's so close and his eyes are so sharp, so hungry and Gavin's dissolving by the moment.  
   
"You have?" Haywood asks, his voice so harsh, so intense Gavin can't help the rush of excitement running through him.  
   
"I have, I have sir!" He replies, his voice breathy and loud, his hands clawing at Haywood's arm holding his hair. How can he be so steady, so infuriatingly calm as Gavin's disintegrating in front of him? "Please, sir, please-"  
   
He's never been this desperate in his entire life. Nothing compares to the turmoil within him, Haywood's scent around him providing the flames within him with sharp edges, every nerve in his body open for the air, burning him alive. Haywood's so close, Gavin wants it bad, he wants it now, he's bursting open as Haywood's hand moves to Gavin's neck, tilting his head back ever so slightly.  
   
The sensation of his hand across Gavin's throat is almost too much and Gavin's whimpering, his lungs as hungry for air as his body is for Haywood's cock.  
   
"Have you enjoyed your homework?" Haywood's lips brush against Gavin's lips and he's parched for him. Haywood's grip's so steady Gavin can't close the distance. His whimper is met with a smirk, the air between them sticky with their need.  
   
"It's been hell sir." Gavin gasps, his mind gone already, and he knows he'll be admitted to the psych ward, there's no way he's sane after this. Haywood's touch is so intense, his body so close there's nothing but atoms between them and Gavin's so desperate he'll sell his own soul for Haywood's body to press against him. "Please I need you, god I need you so bad sir, please-"  
   
Gavin's babbling and he knows it. He knows this is just what Haywood had aimed at with his orders, and Gavin doesn't care, not even a bit. The mere thought of his release being just beyond his fingertips makes him try to shift his weight, press himself against Haywood but he's just a hair too far, too aware of Gavin's urges.  
   
"You know I had everything planned out. A long night, you shattering again and again and again." Haywood says and Gavin sees his lust in his eyes. He realizes he's not been the only one that's been waiting for this moment. "But fuck me, you look so good and you're so hungry for my cock, aren't you?"  
   
"I am, I am sir!" Gavin cries out, stumbling over his words, Haywood's lips brushing against Gavin's jaw, his nose ghosting over Gavin's skin and he's drowning. "Please use me, take me, fuck me sir!"  
   
"You been thinking about me when you touch yourself?" Haywood whispers in Gavin's ear.  
   
"I have." Gavin moans loudly. "I've been thinking about your cock in me, sir. I've been thinking about you having your way with me."  
   
Haywood's knees hit the ground next to Gavin's, his lips crashing against Gavin's and he moans into it. He's so tightly wound up already, he's been dreaming, he's been waiting for this and he leans into Haywood's intoxicating taste. Haywood's tongue swirl against Gavin's, pressing into Gavin's willing mouth, his movement frantic and hungry and Gavin's sure it's the only way to live.  
   
"Maybe I should have my way right now." Haywood growls as he breaks away. His eyes are so dark Gavin's sure they could swallow all the light in the universe and Gavin can't stop making noises. Haywood's clearly as tightly wound up as Gavin is, his cock hard against Gavin's thigh. "Fuck you until you can't walk, until you've screamed yourself hoarse letting the entire city know how much you want my cock."  
   
"Please!" Gavin cries, the desperation inside him overflowing and he can't think, his eyes are watering with the overwhelming need within him.  
   
Haywood's body is like a mountain against him as Gavin tumbles down on the mattress under them pulling Haywood with him. Their kiss is sloppy, hurried and frantic as Haywood's hands trail up Gavin's body, pulling his shirt with it. Gavin gasps as he breaks their kiss to pull it over Gavin's head tossing it to the side. The coldness of the mattress under his back is delicious and so wickedly contrasted with the fire within him that burns through him making his skin glistening with it all.  
   
Haywood's hard against him, Gavin's legs trail up his thighs until they snap around his hips. Gavin groans as he grinds their hips together. Haywood's breath stutters, faltering against Gavin's skin and Gavin revels in the sounds he can pull out of him.  
   
Haywood's hands trail fire across Gavin's abdomen, his tongue swirling around Gavin's nipples and he's dying, he's being pulled part and he arches his back into the touch. His hands reach Gavin's gym shorts and they're gone in a blink of his eye. Gavin's shivering, the coldness around him delicious against his overheating skin and Haywood's impatience is only fanning those flames.  
   
Haywood's slacks join Gavin's shorts as Gavin pulls him into a kiss. There's a deep hunger within them both, Haywood's tongue swirling against Gavin's. It's sloppy and hot and Gavin's flying higher than ever. The coil within him is painful but he knows, he knows Haywood's too far to stop now. They can't stop. If a crowd walked through those doors they couldn't stop. Gavin would scream himself hoarse in front of them with no shame, he's so close, his so close-  
   
"God you're hungry for me-" Haywood pants as he pulls Gavin's underwear away. Gavin moans as his cock is freed and Haywood's palm is so slick as he grabs him. Gavin's arms reach for Haywood's hand, pulling it to his lips. He swallows three of his fingers, swirling his tongue around them all to wet them. Haywood's eyes are darker than sin, darker than the lust that pools within Gavin as he wets him. "Fuck Gavin-"  
   
Haywood pulls his fingers out of Gavin's mouth leaving spit on Gavin's lips and Gavin bathes in his sinful gaze. Haywood spreads Gavin's legs, never breaking eye contact as he pushes all of them into Gavin's aching hole. Gavin can't maintain the contact; his eyes roll back as his back arches at the delicious burn that mixes with the flames of desperation within him. It's happening, finally it's happening.  
   
"Don't you even think about coming before I allow you to." Haywood growls in his ear as he leans over him, pressing demanding kisses against Gavin's neck and Gavin's buzzing with the need that's been building for what feels like an eternity. Haywood's here, he's taking mercy on him, his hands are so strong against Gavin's skin. "You hear me?"  
   
"Yes, sir!" Gavin gasps, his hands moving from the death grip he has on the pads to pull Haywood into a kiss. It's rough and messy, there's saliva everywhere and Gavin feels like such a slut for him and he's never been more aroused in his entire life. "Just fucking split me already, sir!"  
   
Haywood's chuckle is hungry and dark and Gavin whimpers at the loss of his fingers but his mind buzzes with what's coming. Gavin can't tear his eyes away from Haywood as he pulls his own underwear down to reveal his cock. It's been weeks since he saw it last, since he choked on it and it somehow seems even bigger than he remembered.  
   
"My gym bag!" Gavin gasps. "Side pocket, sir!"  
   
Haywood's quick on his feet, grabbing his bag and rifling through it. Gavin shivers as he sees him find the little bottle he put in it weeks ago.  
   
"You've been carrying this around with you?" Haywood asks, his voice so dark with hunger as he returns, dripping cold lube on Gavin's burning hole. Gavin arches into it, relishing in the feeling of the cold smoothness as Haywood rolls on the condom Gavin stashed with it. "You're such a dirty boy."  
   
"I am sir!" Gavin gasps knowing it to be true as Haywood grabs him by the hips and pulls him closer, his cock pressing against Gavin's hole. "Please-"  
   
Gavin's pleas dissolve into a shuttering moan as Haywood presses his tip into Gavin's waiting warmth. Gavin's eyes roll back in his head as he focuses on the delicious burn, the stretching and the slow thrust that finally, after what seems like a year bottoms out.  
   
Gavin's panting, his breath is hot and heavy, and his eyes are shut as he breathes it out. Haywood's by far the largest cock he's had in him and it's as thrilling as it's challenging. Haywood's hands grip his hips so deliciously tight, Gavin knows he hadn't begged for him to split for no reason.  
   
As the burning gives way to the intense feeling of being filled like he's never been filled before Gavin opens his eyes. Haywood's eyes are so intense on him, drinking him up as he breathes deep. There's an intense shiver that runs through him at the visible arousal in his gaze as he watches Gavin get used to being stretched like this.  
   
Gavin moves his legs to wrap around Haywood's hips once more and earns a shattering groan from Haywood. Gavin basks in the sound as Haywood pulls back only to thrust back in once more. Gavin's back arches, his hands grasping the mattress under him as Haywood builds up a rhythm.  
   
"Fucking hell you're so tight-" Haywood groans as his hips snap against Gavin's with a wet smack. The open room is filled with the sinful sounds of sex, their bodies slamming together and the breathless stream of moans from Gavin. There's never been a sound so arousing to him as the sound of Haywood's labored breathing as he buries himself into Gavin over and over again.  
   
It's not long before Gavin's teetering on the edge, trying to hold on but as Haywood shifts his angle, every single one of his thrusts brushes against Gavin just so right, mercilessly torturing him. He can't come yet, he can't, he promised. Haywood's so gorgeous like this, his skin glistening and salty with sweat as Gavin reaches for him, pulling him down for a kiss.  
   
"Please-" Gavin whimpers, breaking the kiss to cry out his pleasure as Haywood's unrelenting pace shakes loose every single bit of sanity left inside Gavin. He's hanging on for dear life and he's flying so high he'll die if he lets go. He wants to come so bad, he wants to be so good, he wants it all and he wants it now.  
   
"It's Ryan."  
   
Gavin's mind shatters at the whispered groan into his ear. He can't contain the force within him, his throat burning with the force of Gavin's scream. Haywood's, no Ryan's name pours out of his mouth with every thrust and Gavin's sure he's dying, he can't breathe and everything's so intense, the colors are wrong and the mattress under his cheek is burning through him.  
   
"Fuck Ryan-" Gavin's voice's so hoarse he knows he'll have none tomorrow, but it doesn't matter when Ryan's cock hits him so impossibly deep, how his hands grab Gavin so deliciously hard, how his voice is commanding him. Gavin can't deny him, and he screams and screams, his hands desperately holding on to the edge of the mattress. Gavin's sure that Ryan's going to slam him through the floor.  
   
"That's right, scream for me darling." Ryan groans, his hips snapping against Gavin's ass. The sounds of their flesh hitting together echo in the space and Gavin's sure he's never heard anything as lovely. Ryan's fingers dig into Gavin's skin, the burn so delicious Gavin wants nothing more than for Ryan to shatter him apart more and more.  
   
"Come for me."  
   
It's all too much and Gavin collapses over the edge. The shock wave that bursts through him is more intense than everything else he's ever experienced, and he barely registers Ryan's shout, the sputtering interruption in the rhythm he built up. Gavin feels like everything in the universe stops for a second, blinding him with white light and noise as he's swept away with the flood. The dam built up by frustration bursts and buries him in pleasure so intense he's never experienced anything like it. He swears he can touch the universe, he can see the future, he's immortal as he shudders with the sensation.  
   
Ryan's weight is heavy on Gavin as he gasps for air, his cum sticky between them, a scene so perfect to Gavin he wants nothing more than to immortalize it and remember it for eternity. Ryan's breath is hot and labored against Gavin's skin, his weight shifting as he pulls out. Gavin can't help but to shiver at the emptiness, the lack of warmth as Ryan throws his condom away.  
   
Gavin's barely awake, there's such tranquility inside him for the first time in such a long time. Ryan's naked body against him is delicious, so hot and so soothing and Gavin snuggles closer, not caring about anything else than to press himself closer to him, rest his head against his broad chest, still heaving with the labor.  
   
Gavin's fingers press against Ryan's hot skin, his fingers feeling like an anchor as Gavin slowly floats back into his body only to find the intense burning he's grown used to muted, replaced by what feels like a sunny summer day, like freshly washed linen drying outside, grass under his bare feet, like the world's shifted just a little, just enough to make him tremble with the meaning of it all.  
   
Deciding against thinking about it too hard he just floats in the sensation, letting go and swirling in the intensity of the pleasantness inside him. Ryan's humming something softly, his arm so warm across Gavin's body and he feels like this, this moment right here might be the meaning of life. All the trouble he had following Ryan's orders, all the tears, all the frustration feel so distant right now, everything leading up to this moment being worth it.  
   
"So Ryan, huh?" Gavin says softly, tilting his head to look at Ryan as he breaks the silence. Their breaths, their heartbeats seem so loud here, filling the space fully. Gavin's eyes trace Ryan's jaw, the hint of a shadow painting shadows on his face as light pours in from the small windows high up on the wall.  
   
"Yup." Ryan replies, smiling as he turns to look at Gavin, his hand tightening around Gavin and there's a wild fluttering inside Gavin as he watches Ryan's eyes twinkle. "Thought you wanted to know."  
   
Gavin laughs, the joy inside him feeling like soap bubbles in the wind and he's just so light. He's still not sure that all of his bones are left in his body, that certainly would explain the lightness. Ryan's arm is so heavy and just so right against him as they lay.  
   
"We should take a shower." Ryan says after a while but makes no move to actually get up. His fingers brush soft circles on Gavin's back and arms and the lightness of his touch makes his skin react. He's thrilled by the contrast of the coldness and the heat, the mixing of them both around him and Gavin doesn't want to move.  
   
Gavin's fingers brush against a thin scar on Ryan's chest. He traces it ever so slightly to not make Ryan uncomfortable. He knows how uncomfortable some scars can be but as Ryan doesn't move or shy away from him, Gavin sits up on his knees by Ryan's side.  
   
He looks so vulnerable like this. Gavin can't stop the warm fluttering as he traces his eyes down from Ryan's twinkling eyes, down his broad shoulders, his strong arms, his chest moving with his breath. He looks divine. Gavin dips down, his fingers tracing the scar, trying to memorize it.  
   
"Knife. Japan." Ryan rasps, his voice oddly hoarse all of sudden. Gavin looks up at him, something unrecognizable dancing behind his eyes.  
   
"What?" Gavin asks, almost a whisper as anything louder seems wrong.  
   
"Caught a knife in Japan." Ryan replies, his hand brushing against Gavin's wrist, guiding his fingers across the neat line. Gavin's heart is going wild and he feels like he's drowning.  
   
"Didn't anybody tell you that's not the way you catch knives?" Gavin replies, tearing his eyes from their joined hands to Ryan's face.  
   
Ryan laughs, the sound so light and airy in the space and Gavin floats along, the smile on his face shining light on the sunshine inside him. Gavin leans back down and presses his lips against Ryan, desperate to let him taste the sun on his lips. Ryan's hand wraps around Gavin's neck, pulling him closer. It's tender, relaxed and Ryan tastes so sweet and wild against Gavin's lips, still a bit salty with sweat and Gavin swears it's all he needs to live.  
   
"Come on smartass, let's go take that shower." Ryan whispers against his lips as they break for air. Gavin's willing to follow Ryan through a blizzard if this lightness never disappears from within him. He feels so right, like the harsh edges inside him are smoothed, rasped until they don't chafe anymore. Ryan's touch is like the air itself, light and so very needed for survival.  
   
The hunger inside seems to lay low, letting room for the intense sun inside him as Gavin lets himself be lead into the locker room showers by demanding hands. Ryan's so strong against him, yet so gentile, his lips never leaving Gavin's. If Gavin could kiss him for the rest of their days he'd be thrilled.  
   
The cold tiles of the shower feel harsh against Gavin's feet as Ryan maneuvers them under the shower head. Gavin's heart hammers as Ryan's body presses against him, leaning into the warmth of his skin against his own. Ryan's hand is so strong on his neck, pulling him into a kiss that makes him gasp at its intensity. Ryan's tongue presses against his, Ryan's hand tilting his head so that he's completely under his control and a familiar thrill runs through him, his arms moving to wrap around his neck, fingers tangling into his hair.  
   
The sudden burst of ice cold water shocks Gavin's body, sizzling against his skin and the simmering embers within him. Gavin screeches, gasping for air as he jumps back away from the shower.  
   
"Bloody hell Ryan!" Gavin exclaims, wrapping his arms around his body as Ryan just laughs at him. There's no maliciousness behind his laugh, just pure amusement.  
   
"Didn't think a bit of water would make you run away." Ryan replies as his laughter dies down. Gavin just scowls at him and his smug face, the water running along his body and making him sheen under the fluorescent lights. He looks downright edible right now and that only makes Gavin more aware of how cold he is. "Come on darling, I'll make it up for you."  
   
Gavin sighs, he knows he can't turn down that invitation, no matter how much Ryan's smile sends shivers down his spine. He takes Ryan's outstretched arm and lets him pull him against his broad chest.  
   
The water is warmer now and Gavin sighs happily against Ryan's chest, his arms wrapping around him as he hears the amused chuckle reverberate inside Ryan's chest.  
   
"How do you plan on making this up for me?" Gavin asks, tilting his head up to look at Ryan. His face breaks into a smile that sends shivers through Gavin with the unspoken promises, the clearly visible desire. His face is covered in droplets of water making him look like he's been adorned with pearls. Gavin finds him oddly drawn to the look.  
   
"How about a dinner?" Ryan asks. Gavin raises an eyebrow. "Oh, that not good enough?"  
   
"I'd hoped it would be something more private-" Gavin continues, drawing a small circle on Ryan's chest. His voice doesn't seem to be willing to carry the filthy images he's painting in his mind but Haywood seems to catch his drift.  
   
"Who said it couldn't be that?" Ryan whispers, his head tilting down, his lips oh so close to Gavin's ear. "I bet I could make you weep before the main course."  
   
Gavin's flooded with intense heat, his breath quickening against Ryan's chest. His lips brush against Gavin's earlobe, his arms moving down to grab Gavin's tender ass.  
   
"You like that thought darling?" Ryan whispers and Gavin can't help the soft moan that escapes his lips at the mere thought of having someone see him submit to Ryan's wicked ways, watch him shatter and ascend. It's almost too much, the excitement mixing with the chilled fear that seeps through his stomach at actually being in that situation.  
   
"Yes, sir." Gavin replies, tilting his head to give Ryan more space to nibble his earlobe. Ryan's strong arms encircle Gavin's body and before Gavin can even comprehend it, he's pressed against the cold tiled wall. Ryan's arms hold Gavin's arms behind his back with one strong arm and as Gavin can feel Ryan's excitement hard against him he grinds his ass against Ryan.  
   
"You like the thought of me fucking you in front of them all?" Ryan growls into Gavin's ear and Gavin's heart is hammering so fast he feels like he's being torn apart. Ryan's so warm against him, his chest pressing against Gavin's back. The water makes everything so slippery, so sinfully wet and Gavin wants it bad.  
   
"Yes, sir." Gavin moans, his neck lulling to the side to let Ryan mark his neck. His mouth is like a fire poker that's glowing orange, like pure fire filtering through him and Gavin shudders as Ryan's hips press against Gavin's ass, his teeth almost breaking skin.  
   
"Paint me a picture." Ryan growls, his tongue lapping the water that runs down Gavin's neck. Gavin's mind's barely there, gone with the fire and Gavin can't help but to pant as Ryan's hand draws fire down Gavin's side contrasting the coldness of the wall he's pressed again.  
   
"Please-" Gavin moans, trying to escalate the sensations, trying to push it forward but Ryan's stubbornly staying his ground, his movements slow and torturous but not enough. Gavin's breath is quick in his chest, his heart fluttering wildly as he focuses on the fact that Ryan's so hard against him, the sensations of earlier filling him.  
   
"I'm not going to ask twice." Ryan says and there's an edge to his tone now, his mouth so close to Gavin's ear, his breath ghosting over Gavin's skin and he's buzzing with his hunger. "Where are we?"  
   
Gavin swallows, closing his eyes and trying to not linger on the sensations of Ryan so close to him but on the scene Ryan asked him to describe.  
   
"It's a small Italian place downtown-" Gavin stumbles over the words, trying to imagine it all. "You're in your suit- god you look good in your suit-"  
   
Gavin pants as Ryan's hand brushes against his hipbone, it's so close and he wants it like air.  
   
"What are you wearing darling?" Ryan whispers into Gavin's ear and Gavin's finding it very hard to focus on anything else than making him never stop whispering things into his ear.  
   
"A button-up shirt, the top buttons are unbuttoned to tease you-" Gavin whimpers as Ryan's cock shifts against his ass and he wants nothing more than for him to slide into him again and never leave. "Your eyes burn through me sir, your leg pressed against mine under the table-"  
   
"What do you want me to do?" Ryan asks, nibbling Gavin's earlobe, his hand tightening around Gavin's wrists and Gavin can't help but to melt into his touch. Gavin's mind is tumbling, the possibilities endless but he knows that there's only one way it all ends-  
   
"I push you too far sir." Gavin pants. "You show me my place-"  
   
"And where's that?"  
   
"Spread wide on the table sir-" Gavin moans, shuddering as Ryan rewards him with his hand slipping around Gavin's cock. "Your hand on my throat-"  
   
"Like this?" Ryan asks and Gavin's flying higher than ever before as Ryan's strong hand moves from Gavin's wrists to clasp against Gavin's throat. His grip is tight enough that Gavin feels his insides turn into ashes but not too hard that he'd be worried about it. Gavin's hands flutter free and he presses them flat against the wall as he arches into Ryan's touch, his hand on his throat and the other one on his cock stroking almost lazily.  
   
"God yes, sir!" Gavin cries out. He's insane with lust, his nerves still tender from before, from the wait and from round one. Ryan's so stable, his eyes on Gavin and Gavin closes his eyes to float deeper in the sensation of being held like this.  
   
"What else?" Ryan groans, his voice amplified with Gavin's closed eyes. His voice floats with Gavin, burrows into his bone marrow as it reverberates through him. Gavin feels his hunger, feels it electrify all of his nerves and press against his ass like never before. Gavin's shattering at the mere thought that Ryan's so hungry for him, as hungry as Gavin is for him.  
   
"Your cock sir-" Gavin gasps, floating in the image of him splayed in front of Ryan, in front of the entire world and yet all he can see is Ryan between his hips. "God it feels so good when you bury yourself in me-"  
   
Gavin's words crumble into a soft cry as he feels Ryan's tip press against him, his cock burying into Gavin inch by inch and he's reeling. He's stumbling and tumbling into the sensation, his eyes rolling back even behind closed lids as Ryan's hands pull Gavin closer by the cock and throat as he buries himself into Gavin's warmth, filling Gavin and Gavin's never felt so filled as he's like this.  
   
"Like this?" Ryan whispers into Gavin's ear and Gavin can't stop the moan that echoes loudly in the showers. It's more intense than before, his entire body feeling warm and soft and hard and just so right as Ryan builds up a rhythm, burying himself over and over into Gavin and Gavin's just hanging on.  
   
"God yes sir, just like that-" Gavin cries out as he hangs on. His mind is split into two, his mind’s eye seeing the softly lit restaurant and Haywood's tie tossed over his shoulder as he pounds into Gavin, the sounds of their bodies slamming together mixing with the sounds of glasses rolling of the table as Ryan fucks Gavin into submission. He feels the cold tiles against his chest, Ryan's hand clamped over Gavin's throat and water covers them both as Ryan picks up speed and makes Gavin claw the tiled wall to keep himself upright and sane. His mind is splitting into two as much as his body feels like it's being split.  
   
Ryan's rhythm is unrelenting, quicker and harder and Gavin doesn't mind at all. He's so tender already, it's not much that he needs to reach the edge and Ryan's ticking all the boxes. Gavin's crying out as Ryan uses him, pounding into him as Gavin feels like he's floating past the universe. They're both running, there's no waiting, there's no mercy as Gavin's panting and moaning and crying and finally flying over the edge.  
   
He's beyond it all, he's cocooned in light and warmth and water as he floats, feeling Ryan's body splatter into the same water where Gavin's floating. He wants to reach out, wants to ask if Ryan's seen his bones somewhere, seen his mind somewhere but his voice is gone and he's just so light.  
   
He opens his eyes, staring into Ryan's warm chest as Ryan's arms pull him closer. The water's still warm against their skins, the steam in the room softening the light as he allows himself to be held upright. Gavin's unsure on if Ryan lets go, will he float through the ceiling or will he collapse into a puddle. He holds on tighter, not wanting to let Ryan go.  
   
"Hey Ryan?" Gavin whispers, closing his eyes again, pressing his hand on Ryan's chest.  
   
"Yes darling?"  
   
"Please don't fuck me in a restaurant." He whispers, feeling a bit ashamed about how easily he was thrown into the thrall of the image. Now that he's thinking a bit straighter he feels terribly anxious about the imaginary situation. Ryan's arms tighten around him and he feels a soft kiss be pressed against the top of his head.  
   
"I'd never do something you're not comfortable with darling." Ryan replies softly, and Gavin feels like he's going to burst with the feeling of Ryan's protective embrace. His mind is tumbling with the realization of the weight in Ryan's words and he feels utterly safe in Ryan's arms. "Don't you ever forget that we're here on your terms."  
   
"I won't." Gavin sighs contently, the rush of adoration for this man holding him so gently after fucking his brains out so strong that Gavin feels weak at the knees again.  
   
Ryan's lips find Gavin's and Gavin can't help the smile that lingers on his face. Ryan's so good against him, his taste so familiar now. Gavin lingers in the sweet wildness that permeates Ryan as his tongue brushes against his. There's no hurry, just softness and tenderness so sweet that it makes Gavin's toes curl as he leans into the kiss.  
   
Gavin loves the pure unadulterated attention that Ryan gives him as he insists on cleaning them both. Gavin feels like he's flying as Ryan's warm hands brush against every inch of Gavin's body, working softly but efficiently making Gavin melt against him and hum happily as the warm water around them fills the room with steam.  
   
Gavin lets Ryan work his magic on him, trusting him to take care of him and he does. Ryan's movements are mesmerizing against Gavin's skin, his eyes never leaving Gavin, his lips pressing soft kisses on Gavin's body once in a while and Gavin feels like every time he does there's a currency of soft electricity that bolts through him.  
   
"All clean." Ryan whispers, his chest warm and slippery against Gavin's back, his arms sneaking around Gavin to pull him closer. Gavin hums softly, his eyes remaining close. He never wants to leave, Ryan's so wonderful, the heat of the water is magical and the fact that all eyes are on him is sending excited rushes through him every time he feels Ryan's eyes land on him.  
   
"Do we have to go?" Gavin mumbles, leaning his head back against Ryan's shoulder. He can feel him laugh softly and it makes him smile with how much he loves to hear that sound.  
   
"The warm water won't last forever." Ryan mumbles, pressing a kiss on Gavin's shoulder. "I don't want to go either. God, I wish I could just lock myself in with you and just shatter you over and over again. But I've got a meeting in a few hours and you have work."  
   
Gavin pouts, but lets himself be persuaded. The softness of Ryan's touch is contrasted with the way he made Gavin weep so easily, that same hunger never seeming to falter in his eyes. It's enthralling and only enhancing the simmering within Gavin.  
   
Gavin's quick to change back into his clothes but his eyes never leave Ryan. Ryan's equally quick although his suit is exponentially better looking than Gavin's hoodie and skinny jeans, but you'd never know it by the way Ryan's looking at Gavin. Gavin's basking in the attention, so wicked and hot to have Ryan's eyes on him, his thoughts wrapped around Gavin.  
   
He's never been as aware of how much he likes to be seen as he's now. Ryan's eyes feel like knives on his skin, thrilling and dangerous but oh so sinful. All thoughts of shame or self-consciousness leave him as Ryan's attention soothes his mind like honey poured over overheating skin.  
   
"Hey Gavin?" Ryan asks breaking the silence, and Gavin sees him hesitate as he ties his dress shoes. The scene is somehow breathtaking, his strong arms prominent as he casts a glance at Gavin with a small smile on his face.  
   
"Yeah?" Gavin replies, freezing slightly as he's pulling his hoodie back on.  
   
"About the whole name thing-" Ryan says, drawing out the words ever so slightly. "I'd appreciate you not spreading it around. Don’t' get me wrong, the sound of my name on your lips is the most divine sound in the world but I'd like to keep it between us two."  
   
Gavin walks over feeling emboldened by Ryan's attention and his hungry eyes follow Gavin's movements. Gavin catches Ryan's face in his hands, tilting his head up to kiss him. The realization that his name means so much to him makes Gavin warmer inside, the fluttering wild and loud as he presses their lips together. He wants to get his appreciation across, make Ryan taste his emotions on his tongue.  
   
Ryan's hand reaches up to caress Gavin's head, his fingers brushing against Gavin's cheeks and a fluttering rush runs through Gavin's spine. He doesn’t know what it is, why this tenderness feels so thrilling. He doesn’t want to explore it, focusing on the wild taste of Ryan against him.  
   
"Of course." Gavin replies breathy against Ryan's lips relishing in the dizzy fluttering inside him. He opens his eyes to look into those magical blue eyes, this close he can count the darker flecks in them and he's mesmerized by the softness in them. Gavin smiles, his smile a bit lopsided. "I'll keep your secret."  
   
"It's not about a secret." Ryan replies, his nose brushing against Gavin's, his hands firm on Gavin's hips, pulling him on his lap. Gavin's knees hit against the bench as he straddles him, loving the feeling of Ryan's warm and strong hands on his hips, his chest warm against his, their lips so close together that Gavin's going insane.  
   
"What then?" Gavin whispers, his fingers brushing against Ryan's cheeks, the rough shadow of his beard delightfully prickly under his touch. He can't quite believe Ryan's hair is so soft, his fingers moving into Ryan's hair, tugging slightly to bring them even closer together.  
   
"It's about authority." Ryan growls, his tone sharp and his smirk sends excitement rushing through Gavin and he loves how weak it makes him feel. Ryan's hands tighten around Gavin's hips, their grip bruising against already tender skin. Gavin shivers, it's intoxicating, and he wants more. "It's about respect, fear even."  
   
"But you told me." Gavin mumbles, electricity sparking between them. Gavin grinds them closer, his hips shifting in Ryan's lap, his lips brushing against his own.  
   
"I trust you with it." Ryan whispers, his eyes so soft as Gavin looks into them, the blue mirroring the utter weakness in Gavin's own bones. "Besides I love to hear it tumble out of your mouth as you unravel."  
   
"Oh, really?" Gavin's reply is beyond breathy. He's going insane with this dizziness, this utterly maddening dance of excitement, lust, adoration and fear that twirls around him. His heart beats so loud in his chest, somehow drowning the outside world but still heightening the sounds of Ryan's breath against his skin. "You sound like you plan to hear it more often."  
   
"Can you blame me?" Ryan replies, finally pressing their lips together again and it feels like Gavin's suffocating in the storm inside him. His mind's beyond broken, shattered but mended with gold so shiny it takes his breath away. He'd die in these arms, he'll made sure of it. He'll never let go, he'll never let Ryan go.  
   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Am I forgiven? *wink*


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday loves! ❤ 
> 
> I can't believe this story's almost done! I've been busy with planning the sequel and I've also been toying with possibly making an epilogue to this story but that's still up in the air. It's been exciting to be able to figure out more for this particular story especially all the good backstory and the smut but I feel like I need to warn you guys that it's not going to be anytime soon (aka within a month or so) that I'm able to start publishing the sequel with my new full time job. I do hope that I'll get that story rolling during the summer though and I hope you guys will stick around for it. 
> 
> As always your support means the world to me. It's really empowering to see that something I've created has touched so many so thank you once again! ❤ ❤

Gavin walks into the Site late next morning. Ryan's promise to shatter him feels fresh on his mind, his body feeling as sore as if he'd been run over by a truck. His hair is a mess, the takeaway coffee cup heavy in his hand as he walks through the hallways and the doors, nodding greetings at passerby’s as he struggles to keep his body looking like he's not been split in two by the owner of this place less than 24 hours ago. He feels it so clearly in every single cell of his body that he feels like it must be branded on his forehead for the entire world to see. 

As well as Gavin's body had adapted to the early mornings and sleeping at night today it seemed harder. Gavin's eyes burn as he sips his coffee waiting for the kick of energy to hit him as his phone vibrates in his pocket. Hoping that it's from Ryan he hurries to grab his phone from his pocket. He can't help the disappointment that runs through him as it's once again Michael asking where he is.

Gavin didn't even realize he missed their weekend-mayhem until he woke up this morning with a barrage of texts from not only Lindsay and Michael but also from Jeremy. The seed of regret is smaller than anything else within him, he can't find it in his heart to regret missing the whole vandalism thing when the alternative is being shattered and rebuilt by Ryan's touch.

Gavin allows himself to bathe in the memory of Ryan's touch on his skin. He smiles at the memory of Ryan's presence all around him, swaddling him in a blanket of fiery embers and soft words. It's like nothing else, it's everything and Gavin feels dizzy with the mere memory. He knows he's fucked in more than one way.

Gavin doesn't answer Michael, he pushes his phone back into his pocket as he balances his bag and his coffee, trying to dig out his key card from his bag. He stifles a yawn as he finally manages to grab a hold of it, opening the door and quickly stepping inside to the cool darkness of his work space. He sighs happily, the dim lights feeling so amazing after the bright lights outside.

Trevor's on the phone but Gavin returns his wave as he makes his way to his work space. Matt's engulfed in his work, Kent's late but Larry hurries over to catch up. Gavin groans loud as he sits down on his chair, his entire body feeling like it's on fire as his beaten muscles complain.

He doesn't regret anything.

"Intense training session?" Larry asks as he stops by his desk. There's a sympathetic smile on his face and Gavin's glad he's got no idea on why he's so sore.

"You could say that." Gavin replies, thankful for the dim lighting in the room for hiding his blush.

"When Adam trained me, I got sore too." Larry continues. "Long baths helped a ton."

"I'll be sure to remember that." Gavin replies, trying to hide the smile on his face. "So, what's up Larrald?"

"Oh the boss' got a mission for you." Larry says, and Gavin can feel how proud he is. "Your first solo mission, how exciting!"

"Really?" Gavin asks, all thoughts about Ryan disappearing from his head as he leans forward. Well, most of them anyways. It's not like Ryan's not present for every moment of Gavin's life, his touch and his voice so deeply lodged into him that Gavin's sure he'll never get rid of them even if he wanted to. "What's it about?"

"I don't know much." Larry shrugs, sipping his energy drink. "Probably something easy. Intel gathering is my best bet."

Gavin hums a noncommittal reply, casting a glance at Trevor's office. He's still in the middle of his call. Gavin doesn't envy him. There's a stressed edge to his look, his brow furrowed and his pace tight as he listens. Gavin's lost in his own thoughts, his speculation on what his mission might be.

Larry treks away with the excuse that he's got work to do. Gavin watches him back, adjusting his posture in the chair and bites his lip as fire burn through him. His body feels deliciously tender, thoroughly marked by Ryan's touch and Gavin embraces the discomfort. He never wants to feel comfortable again. Gavin logs in, his computer whirring to life in front of him as he casts glances at Trevor. Gavin's so excited, the possibility to prove himself, to be allowed to go snooping, break some rules and feed his curiosity.

He can’t believe how well it all turned out really. A dream man, a dream job and great friends. If he only could go back in time and tell his younger version that there's no reason to be so scared and alone and miserable he was when he stepped on American soil the first time. That it would all end well, that no one was coming to kill him, that there wasn't a need to look over his shoulder.

Gavin feels so emboldened by it all that he opens the chat. His fingers dancing over the keyboard as he waits for Trevor.

_I'm so sore I can barely sit sir._

Gavin leans into the thrill that runs through him as he looks around. It's so quiet and peaceful and he's bustling with energy. The three dots that appear on Gavin's screen only stoke that rush.

_If I recall correctly you begged for it._

Gavin smiles, trying to hide his delight.

_I didn't say I was sorry, sir._

Gavin crackles with energy, his fingers already brushing against the keyboard again. Barely a blink of an eye later he hits send.

_Thank you, sir._

He hurries to close the window as he hears approaching footsteps. He looks up just in time to see Trevor head his way with a thick folder in his hands. Trevor looks tired, but he smiles fondly at Gavin as he reaches him.

"I'm sure you heard already but it's time for you to try working on your own mission."

Gavin nods, barely containing the excitement that bubbles within him. Trevor laughs softly at his excitement, handing the file to Gavin.

"It's a basic intel gathering to get you started. The client wants to find the artifacts that are listed in the file. Some of their locations are widely known but I need you to track the rest of them. We'll provide the acquiring team the intel you gather. Work efficiently, work fast, work like you want these artifacts for yourself." Trevor pauses, casting a soft glance at the rest of the room. "If you ever feel like you've hit a wall feel free to ask anyone here. It's not a competition, the only thing that matters is that the job gets done. That's what Haywood pays us for."

Gavin's hands tremble as they grasp the edge of the folder. This is the beginning of something new, an exciting prospect of being allowed to do what he's so good at and being paid for it. Gavin smiles, his hands opening the file in his hands.

It's as if Gavin's entire world gets swallowed by his work. Ryan finds himself having to leave for a few days and that's really the only thing that feels like something that would make Gavin lose interest in this mission. Without him here Gavin finds himself lost in his work.

It's been years since Gavin last had something to actually look forward to every morning without exception. Sure, he enjoyed to be out on the town with his friends, or catching a movie he wanted to see but it all pales in comparison to the pure curious energy that runs through him every time he arrives at work. 

His own first mission. A chance to prove that he's not just a body to fuck, but a valuable asset to Ryan. It's nothing that will make the world shatter or make someone kneel to him, but he doesn't mind. He trusts that that will come. He trusts Haywood- he trusts Ryan. 

His mind still struggles with differentiating Ryan from Haywood and there's been a few times he's been close to referring to Ryan by his first name instead of his last name. He puts effort in trying to differentiate them in his mind and although it takes time he finds the task easier with every passing day. It's Ryan when they're together, it's Haywood everywhere else. 

Besides there's a difference in Haywood and Ryan. Haywood's his boss, the terrifying man behind everything that happens in this city. He's feared and he's a mystery. Ryan's the one with soft hands, quiet whispers, tender kisses. Sir, that's who makes Gavin shiver with need at the blink of his eye. 

A multifaceted man that's sure. 

Gavin's happy to differentiate the three of them to help him keep the names straight but deep down he knows it's all just the same man. The man that makes him weep with his hunger, the man that makes him flutter with contentment, the man who listens, the man who's feared by all except for Gavin. Well, he's not afraid of him in the sense that he's afraid of ending up in a ditch. But he knows that he's too deep for this to end without the obliteration of an entire universe. 

Gavin doesn't mind. If things would ever end with Ryan he's happy to be obliterated too. 

All of Gavin's time goes towards this mission. He wants to do good and he finds the task to be quite easy. It's nothing difficult, just tracking mentions online about all these artifacts. A few of them are easy enough to locate, a few are in museums across the globe, some in private collections. It's the artifacts that haven't been seen or heard from in years that make him salivate with excitement because that means it's time for him to get a bit shadier. 

Trevor's always there with him, a guiding hand but Gavin finds himself more and more independent the longer he works this case. A week files past, another weekend that Gavin spends at the Site working this case. Ryan's out of town again, swamped with something Gavin doesn't want to pry into. Ever since that fateful day at the gym where Ryan had finally taken mercy on him there wasn't many times Gavin saw him. 

He misses him. He misses his touch, his kisses, his cock in him every night as he lies alone in his bed with his own hand trying to emulate as much as he can. It's not the same. He misses his voice, that twinkle in his eye as he thinks of something wicked, that curious tilt of his head when Gavin surprises him. It's been so long since he saw him, the occasional messages are not the same. 

So Gavin immerses himself in the work he's been given. He loves it, but he feels like he'd love it more if he'd go home with Ryan at the end of the day. It feels like there's a part of him missing, a part that had started to feel like a physical addition to his own body and some days it feels hard to get up from the bed. Some days it's hard to breathe.

But he knows it'll pass. Only two days and Ryan will be home, and according to his messages he's been missing Gavin just as bad. The dark, sinful words that appeared on his screen yesterday still makes him blush and also shiver with insane hunger and anticipation. Yes, a thousand times yes. He'll give himself over to anything he has planned. Gavin's sure he'll die if he goes without him for any longer. 

Gavin sighs, rubbing his eyes as he looks away from his screen. It's dark outside the windows, the only light in the room being the lamps illuminating Gavin's work space. Trevor went home hours ago but Gavin can't let this lead go cold. He stands up, stretching his sore body as he watches the searches tick down on his screen. 

It's time for coffee. Gavin yawns as he walks over to the kitchenette and pours himself a cup of old coffee that looks more like tar than coffee. It's terrible and Gavin's sure it's melting his insides but it's heavenly this late. He grimaces as he pours even more sugar in it after a sip. He knows it won't make it drinkable, but he adds a bit more still. 

Gavin's phone vibrates in his pocket and he hurries to see who's texting him. His face falls a bit as he sees it's not from Ryan, but from Michael. Gavin feels terrible. He's been ignoring Michael for these past few weeks since he landed this job. There's been so much to do and think about that when he leaves for the day he's just happy to go home and eat some pizza before falling asleep. 

Gavin knows Michael knows something's up. He's got to know but Gavin's scared. He's scared he'll let something slip that he's not supposed to let slip and give Michael the wrong impression. How do you explain that you're addicted to the most feared man in the city? Lusting for his touch every second of every day as you work at his shady corporation? There's really not any guidelines, any self-help books for this and Gavin hates it. 

He contemplates ignoring him some more, unsure on what he's supposed to use as an explanation why he's missed two night-outs, missed their monthly game night and why he's completely flipped his sleep schedule. He knows he's a coward but it's just easier trying to pretend that he's not getting his messages. 

He feels terrible as he walks back to his desk with his now extremely sweetened cup of tar and his phone. There's ice and sharp edges inside him and he wants nothing more than Ryan's sweet voice in his ear, his hands on his body to file those edges down again. He wants nothing more than to be rid of this feeling inside him, the phone so accusing in his hand. 

"Stop being such a coward." Gavin mutters, placing his cup down as he types an answer to Michael's question about where he is. 

_Sorry, been real busy with a new job I can't really talk about._

That might do the trick. Gavin bites his lip as he waits. Their messages look terrible, all of them from Michael and none of them from him. He regrets ignoring him, he wonders how well he'll take it. Gavin's not lying about the job, he's not twisting the truth and he feels a bit better about himself. He just hopes Michael will understand. 

Time ticks by and Gavin sees that Michael has seen the message. There's no dots dancing on his screen. Gavin should've known this, Michael's being dramatic about it all. He doesn't blame him. Gavin sets his phone down and reads his notes once more to see if he's done everything he needed to do today. His eyes float to his phone ever so often but there's no new messages. 

_I know I've been a huge dick boi. I'm real sorry. Bevs soon?_

Gavin's continuation doesn't get anything either. Gavin's real nervous now, stones in his stomach as he tries to focus on his work but it's really difficult when he keeps checking his phone every minute. 

Gavin's mind is occupied by Michael as he finally gives in and accepts that he's not getting more work done today. He wants to go over to their place, but he figures it might not be a good idea. Michael's temper's got him into trouble more than once and Gavin just wants for him to calm down a bit before he presents his face to him. 

Michael doesn't answer him during the time it takes for Gavin to make his way from the Site to his apartment and that's a long walk. Gavin can't stifle the nerves that run rampant in his body, feeling guilty for ignoring Michael for this long. He's been a shitty friend and he knows he deserves Michael's ignoring but god it's so hard to focus on anything at all. Gavin just hopes he's not too late, though he feels like their friendship is built too solidly to fall to something like this. He hopes and he hopes.

Gavin bites his nails as he paces in his own living room, trying to figure out what he needs to do or say.

_I might get my hands on that one discontinued red shade that you miss. Consider it an apology for being such a massive arsehole?_

His apartment is dark, and Gavin moves around it to clean it a bit as his nerves are too loud for him to be able to go to bed right now. He's spent less time in this apartment than ever, his work taking over most of his time. He cleans the counters, throwing out the boxes of takeout. He catches himself looking at his phone as he picks up his laundry but there's still no messages from Michael. He's seen all of the messages, because of course he has. Gavin was sure that the promise of finding him the paint he wants so bad might've been enough. 

Gavin slumps down on his couch as he pulls his laptop over to him. Might've as well watch a movie and see if Michael's given in after it. He's not paying much attention to the movie, compulsively checking his phone but no messages appear on his screen. He's getting frustrated now, the clock ticking close to midnight as he succumbs to the hunger in his stomach and orders pizza. 

Michael's online, Gavin sees that he is but he's still not answering him. Gavin huffs annoyed, sure he knows he deserves it, but he just wants this to be smoothed over. As he waits for the food to arrive he decides to check his bank account. He knows he should have enough money to eat for the rest of the month if he plans things out. All the takeout is expensive but he's too tired to make food. 

"Wait- what?" Gavin exclaims out loud in his dark apartment as his account appears on the screen. There's way too much money, there's way more than he should have. Gavin's quick to go look at the detailed statement closer. There's a large deposit that's been deposited today and Gavin's mind blanks for a second before it all clicks. 

His salary. 

Gavin stands up, staring at the number. It's too much? He's only worked for barely a month and Ryan's paying him this much? It's too much, it's way too much. He grabs his phone, pacing in the living room for a while. That's enough money to pay his rent almost five times over, more than enough to not having to worry about money. He could go out there and buy anything he wants, well almost anything, and it's not a onetime payment. 

There's got to be an error somewhere right? Gavin casts one last look at the screen before opening his phone. He's too dazed about the money that he almost misses the message that buzzes his phone. 

_Five cans. Bevs tomorrow at our place?_

Gavin freezes as he stares at the message in his hand. He bursts into laughter, not quite sure why he's laughing but he types out a quick reply. 

_Won't get the cans so quickly but bevs are great. Want me to bring anything?_

_Just your stupid mug._

Gavin can't help the lightness that takes over him as he dances a celebratory dance. He's so happy about Michael accepting his apology and the huge amount of money in his bank account that he tips the pizza delivery boy twice as much as he usually would. The delivery boy seemed a bit suspicious of his wide smile and the huge tip, but he doesn't complain as he leaves Gavin with his pizza. 

Things are looking up for him. 

Gavin wakes up later than usual the next morning, the Sunday morning warmth lingering in his body as he just relaxes back against his pillows. He's got a whole day before he's expected at the Jones' and he thinks he'll spend it spending some of his money. 

He stretches with a yawn as he throws his feet down on the cold floor and makes his way to his kitchen. He's met with a small box that's been placed on his kitchen counter and Gavin just stares at it for a moment before his brain wakes up. He walks up to it, the box covered with a matte black wrapping paper and glossy black ribbon. 

It must be from Ryan. Gavin lifts the box softly. It doesn't weigh that much but still more than he expected by the size of the box. There's a white note under the box and Gavin reaches for it. 

_Thought you might like this._  
_I'll see you tomorrow._  
_x_  
_Ps. We seriously need to talk about your locks._

Gavin's fingers remove the wrapping gently. It feels wrong to rip it open for some reason. Gavin gasps at the sight of the golden watch in the box as he removes the lid. 

"Holy fuck." He whispers as his fingers brush against the cold metal. It looks incredibly expensive and Gavin's sure it's worth more than his apartment. His stomach flutters wildly, there's a mess of conflicting emotions within him as he just stares at it. 

It's from Ryan. Ryan saw the watch and thought of him. Gavin's got no idea on how he knew that Gavin's been thinking about a golden watch for years now. Ever since he saw Dan buy one years ago he's wanted one too. This one is leagues more gorgeous than Dan could ever dream of. There's a twisted sense of triumph about that fact that flutters through Gavin like a poisonous fog.

The watch is equally emotionally valued as it is expensive. It's not only the thought of Ryan buying this for him that makes shivers run down his body as wild as the fluttering inside his stomach is. It's also the symbolism. He's always dreamed to be the person who wears a watch like this. It feels electric, almost magical pulling Gavin towards it. 

He doesn't know if he wants Ryan buying things for him but man if this watch isn't everything. He can barely handle the thought of him buying something for him, a constant reminder of him on Gavin's wrist. Gavin could carry him with him wherever he goes. 

Gavin's hands grasp the watch ever so gently. It's heavy but it's not uncomfortable and Gavin has to admit that it feels incredibly empowering on his wrist. It feels just so right. Gavin's hands shake a bit as he pulls out his phone and types a quick message to Ryan.

_It's beautiful. Thank you, it feels like you're here with me._

Gavin doesn't have to wait for long before his phone buzzes. 

_Tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 9am. Be ready._

Gavin senses the deep-rooted hunger behind his words and he's flushed with heat as he thinks about all the possibilities. He wants them all. He wants Ryan more than he wants anything in this world. 

The watch is well-hidden under his hoodie as he rushes out of his apartment later after having taken a shower. The weight feels so exciting and the mere thought of Ryan picking it out for him sends thrills down his spine. It feels like Ryan's right here with him and Gavin can't help the stupid smile on his face as he makes his way through to Main Street. He's a man on a mission. 

Pillows.

He wants nothing more than to buy himself new pillows. His old ones are flat and terrible to sleep on and he heads for pillows the first chance he gets. He supposes he's expected to splurge on something big and expensive but all he can think about is the crappy old pillows he's been sleeping on for years. He remembers the pillows he had in his old life, like clouds to sleep on and Gavin buys pillows just like that. Giving into the sense of homesickness feels forbidden but oh so sweet. 

It's a weird sensation to pay for his purchases with ease. He's not going insane just yet, having placed aside money for his bills. On top of that he stashed aside money for a new place. In a few months he might have enough money to pay the down payment for something closer to the Site. It's exciting to think that he might get out of that dreary apartment at last. He wants something airier, closer to the Site and to downtown. He's almost jittering with excitement of owning his own place, not having to worry about making ends meet. He just wants to be closer to Ryan in all ways. He just wants to wake up next to him. 

But it's easier this way. He's still got a lot of money on his account and as he pays for new clothes, gets his hair trimmed and buys small things for his place he's been thinking about for a while now he finds himself not worrying about the money. There's no way he could've done this a month ago. 

Gavin stumbles through his front door later that afternoon. He dumps his bags into the bedroom as he hurries to eat something quick before he has to leave. He feels oddly happy at how easy it all seems to be and he's sure he could get used to having money in his bank account. 

He's got the time to empty his bags. He's quick to change his pillows and he bags the old ones so he can throw them away on his way out. He can't wait to try his new pillows. He's sure he'll sleep like a baby. He throws the new clothes in the hamper and plans on washing them the first chance he gets so that he can use them as soon as possible.

Gavin stands in his apartment after all his shopping’s have been put away feeling accomplished. He can't believe how easy it all is, how happy he feels as he grabs his keys, his hoodie and the bottle of liquor he bought for the Jones' as a peace offering. 

As he gets closer and closer to their apartment he feels that giddy happiness be replaced with nerves. He's unsure on how well Michael's going to be taking him ignoring him for this long. Michael's not the type to hold long time grudges and he's sure that he's not on his shitlist yet. Yet the thought of just turning up at his door feels oddly formal instead of the easiness from before. 

He steadies his breath as he knocks on the door. The bottle in his hand seems heavier as he waits for someone to come open the door. Gavin's unsure on how he's supposed to act, the usual ease with which he arrives at the Jones' for a game night seems too jovial for this moment. He's been a dick for weeks and it feels wrong to just ignore that even if it would be easier.

Gavin doesn't wait too long before Lindsay opens the door and lets him in. She looks happier than he's seen her in a while and he's startled by the color of her hair. Has her hair always been this vibrantly colored? 

"Hi." Gavin says kinda sheepishly as he walks past Lindsay. She smiles softly but doesn't comment anything and Gavin's thankful of it. 

"Michael, Gavin's here!" Lindsay yells deeper into the apartment. Gavin shuffles awkwardly by the front door before Lindsay encourages him to walk into the kitchen.

"It's really nice to see you." Lindsay says as she takes the bottle of liquor from Gavin's hands. "It's been a while."

"Yeah I've been busy with at my new work-" Gavin explains but looks down as he feels something brush against his shin. It's a small orange cat, leaning against his shin without a care in the world. Gavin smiles and remembers how both Lindsay and Michael have mentioned getting a cat. He guesses Michael finally gave in like he suspected. "Oi who's this?"

"Terry." Lindsay smiles and leans over to see them. Gavin's reaches down to let the cat smell his hand, but Terry doesn't have any interest in him. "He's a rescue cat and we love him."

"Why Terry?" Gavin ask as he watches the cat strut away from them. Lindsay shrugs with a smile. 

"He has the face of a Terry." 

Gavin's got to admit he sees it. 

Gavin looks up to see Michael enter the room. His hands are deep in his pockets and Gavin's partially glad that Michael seems about as unsure about the situation as he's. As Gavin stands in their apartment he's reminded of the first time he stood here years ago. Broke and miserable, like a wet pathetic street rat as Michael took him under his wing and fixed him with his current apartment. It's Michael's brother’s friend’s apartment and without him Gavin's sure he'd still be on the streets. 

As he stands in front of Michael now he feels a thorny twisting in his stomach. He owes so much to Michael for all these years. It's not just the apartment, it's also a friendship so deep that Gavin's got nothing to compare it with. Everything he has on this side of the pond is at least partially due to Michael and his friendship. Gavin feels beyond guilty as he shuffles in front of Michael. 

"Hey boi." 

"Hey." Michael replies looking him over. "You're alive."

"Yeah." Gavin replies, rubbing his neck as he just wants to tell him everything. "I got a new job and it's been hectic as fuck. I totally lost track of time."

"Since when have you been searching for a job?" Michael asks with a raised eyebrow. 

Since he broke into Ryan's building. 

"It kinda just fell into my lap." Gavin says softly. "Can't really talk about it with anyone though. I don't want to get you into trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Michael asks crossing his arms. Gavin knows how much Michael wants to know, he knows how protective Michael can get and he wants to tell him. But he knows he'll not handle it well. "Is it Haywood?"

"No it's not that, I told you I wasn't in any trouble with him." Gavin replies quickly feeling a bit guilty of lying that it's not Haywood. He knows Michael won't like it, he's been so against the idea from the start. "It's nothing to worry about, just hacking and it's very illegal. Don't want to have something happen to Terry's parents."

"Isn't that kind of dangerous?" Michael continues. Gavin can practically see the waves of doubt floating off him. "And you're sure it's not Haywood. Because I've heard rumors about him being involved into stuff like that."

Gavin stares at him for a while. He doesn't want to lie. He wants to tell the truth but he's scared. Michael won't take it easily. Michael's so obsessed with protecting him, he's too wrapped up in the rumors that he'll never listen to whatever Gavin might say. 

"Nah it's not Haywood." Gavin lies and takes a sip of the drink Lindsay gives him to have something to hide behind. Michael's eyes are narrow and he knows that he's suspicious of him and he needs to change the subject now or he'll let something slip. "So, Mario Party?"

Gavin's attempt to change the subject works as Lindsay hurries to agree with him. Gavin's sure he's not the only one who feels the tension in the room but they all ignore it. Michael looks at him for a while longer before letting go of it. The tension in the room dissolves and it's like it's always been. Lindsay helps Gavin carry the snacks into the living room as Michael sets up Mario Party like always. Terry circles Lindsay's legs and Gavin can't help but to fall in love with the cat and its attitude.

The rest of the evening flows as these nights usually do. Michael being Nintendo's favorite child absolutely crushes them both, but Gavin doesn't mind tonight. He enjoys their company and since it's been so long since they last hung out it feels almost nostalgic. He supposes his life has changed a bit so it's not that surprising that this feels so nostalgic, like home in a weird way. Gavin finds himself not minding as much that Michael keeps winning. 

It's by the second to last turn that Michael challenges Gavin into a duel and it gets heated. By the end of it it's neck and neck and the winner of this minigame will win the entire game. Gavin's trying so hard, feeling his competitive side rear its head as the buzzer rings. They're both out of their seats as the game decides Michael won the game and Gavin's pacing and yelling as Michael cackles. Lindsay walks away from the couch to go get something from the kitchen, Gavin sees her laugh as she walks away from them.

Gavin's so sweaty he pulls of his hoodie and without realizing revealing the watch Ryan gave him. He'd forgotten it on and he sees both Lindsay and Michael see it. He's too happy about having such a great time that he doesn't even think twice about it. 

"What's that?" Michael asks quickly.

"Oh yeah it's just something Haywood gave me-"

Gavin realizes his error the moment those words leave his mouth. Time compresses around them and he can see Michael hear what he just let slip. There's a fiery edge to his gaze as he comprehends Gavin's words and connects the dots. Gavin sees him comprehend it all, the work, the new schedule, the watch, the talk about Gavin seeing someone. Michael's face twist with anger and Gavin feels like his stomach is dropping from outer space as he's looking at Michael with widened eyes as he braces-

"What?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, meet Fan. Fan, this is Shit.


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday! ❤
> 
> Holy hell I'm beyond emotional guys. I'm really nervous about publishing this final chapter in this story. This story grew to be something much bigger than I thought it would be. I just wanted to write a sub-Gav blowjob scene and then all of this happened. I still can't comprehend your outpouring support and love. It's seriously something that keeps fueling me. And although this part of the story is coming to a close I've got some exciting news about the future at the end (hint it's a sequel).
> 
> ❤ Thank you to every single one of you who read, kudosed and commented! You're the true superheroes! ❤

"Michael-"

"You what!" Michael screams, standing up. Gavin can't help but to get out of his chair, hurrying to be on the other side. He's never seen Michael like this. He's practically fuming, his eyes so sharp that Gavin's sure he's going to cut through him with no problems. "You fucking what!"

"Michael, boi it's-"

"Don't you fucking boi me you asshole!" Michael screams, throwing his hands into his hair as he paces. Michael's accent is clearer now than Gavin's ever heard before and the venom in his words match the harshness of his tongue. Gavin can see Lindsay emerge from the kitchen out of the corner of his eye, but Gavin can't tear his eyes away from Michael. He can see him shaking as he paces, his movements so stiff and Gavin's so cold, so cold that he feels like he's drenched wet and left outside. "You fucking dare to lie to me and then act like everything's alright!"

"Michael, babe-" Lindsay chimes in, casting a glance at Gavin as she tries to put a hand on Michael's shoulder. Michael tears himself away from her, paying her no mind, just staring at Gavin and there's a hardness to his eyes that make his blood run cold. 

"I asked you!" Michael bites. The lower tone seems so much worse and Gavin feels terrible. There's knives inside him, there's ice and there's all things not nice and Michael's so hurt, and he wants to make it better. It's all his fault. "You lied to me. To my face. For weeks!"

"Please, I didn't mean to hurt you-" Gavin whispers, his voice trembling like the last leaf of fall still hanging on in a storm. He can't do this, he hates this, why did it have to come to this. He's so stupid, he shouldn't have kept this from him, he shouldn't have done any of it. He should explain, Michael's just worried and knows only the rumors and not the real Ryan. "He's not like they say-"

"Like they say?" Michael repeats with a dry laugh as he tilts his head. "Like they fucking say! The man's a lunatic!"

"He's not!" Gavin exclaims and the entire world shifts as Michael's eyes flies open at Gavin's reply. 

"So, what? You get fucked by him and now you're the best judge of character huh?" Michael throws back. "That's a bit thick for a guy whose best fucking friend was the one who betrayed him. Or have you forgotten about why you're over here in the first place?"

"Guys-" Lindsay tries to intercept. Gavin can't even think straight, it's all so hot around him and his fingernails are poking through his fists by now.

"Fuck you!" Gavin screams. "I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand anyway!"

"The fuck that's supposed to mean!" Michael hurls back, his voice booming around Gavin and Gavin's entire world is crumbling around him and he can't think, he can't do anything as the anger sweeps him away. He knows he's being defensive but it's too late, he's gone too far already. 

"You couldn't see it right in front of your fucking eyes-" Gavin screams. 

"Is his dick magical? Does he pay you for your services? Is that it?" Michael mocks and Gavin feels something inside him shatter and turn into dust. The dust lingers inside him, fine and powdery and something you can never put back together again. It's gone, something inside is broken beyond repair and it feels like a punch in the gut. Gavin's reeling with it all. "You enjoy being his little bitch? Being chained up in some twisted dungeon with that lunatic? Is that why you couldn't answer your fucking phone?"

"Wow-" Gavin chokes out, taking a step back. Michael's words strike a nerve. How many times has Gavin fantasized about Ryan tying him up? There's no way Michael could've known but his suggestion makes Gavin gasp for air with its viciousness. There's no stopping the tears in his eyes, no matter how much he shakes his head. He wants to understand, he wants it to be like it was months ago, he wants it all to be alright but there's just so much anger in Michael's eyes, too much venom on his tongue. Gavin struggles to choke out his words. "Fuck you."

"Gavin please-" Lindsay chimes in, her hand reaching out for him but Gavin recoils from them both as if they're toxic as he grabs his backpack. 

"Let him scutter back to that monster." Michael spits out and Gavin can't help but to stumble as his words hit him. "Can't argue with money and a good fuck."

"He makes me happier than most things in this world." Gavin throws back, his voice shattered and there's waterfalls of tears running down his face. "Happier than I never thought I be able to be. Before tonight you were like that too, but I guess you've made your true self and opinions known. He's a better person that you'll ever be."

He doesn't stay to hear if Michael's got something more on his mind, he slams the door close behind him so hard that he can feel the entire world shaking around him. His sob reverberates through his body as he hurries down the stairs down to the lobby and finally out onto the street. 

His breathing hurts him, there a weight of a thousand suns on his chest as he pulls his hood on hurrying away from here. His tears drip down onto the pavement like cookie crumbs detailing his path as he leans his face down to shield it from curious eyes. 

He's never been this distraught. It's like his entire body has been crushed under a falling building, his mind screaming him, blinding and deafening around him as he tries to understand, he tries so hard. Michael's his friend, he's always been his friend. How was it him that hurt him so bad?

He feels bad, he feels guilty about not telling him but how did Michael expect him to tell him anything like this when he's obsessing over the things whispered on the streets. When he's this upset at the truth, this unable to accept this. Why couldn't he just understand that Ryan's not like that, he's not like the rumors. 

But Gavin doesn't really know that does he? What did he know about Ryan? 

That he's doing illegal things. That he owns and operates a multi million dollar business operating in the grey zone of morals. That there was blood on his face that time he took Gavin into his arms. Blood that Gavin brushed away so easily. 

He feels like he's going to be sick. He grabs a nearby light pole as the world spins around him but he's too destroyed to even throw up. He feels like he's suffocating and nothing around him seems familiar anymore. What did he even get into? 

Maybe Michael's right. Maybe he doesn't know Ryan- maybe he doesn't know Haywood. How much did he even know? It's not enough to place his life in his hands. Rumors always originate from somewhere and Gavin knows the fear Haywood leaves in his wake. 

Maybe Michael has the right idea to be afraid for Gavin. Maybe there's no way out of this. Maybe it's all gilded words and touches, maybe it's all a smoke screen. Maybe he's a fool after all. Maybe Michael's right that he's not the best judge of character. 

For fucks sake he didn't see Dan betraying him. He didn't see the warning signs before the betrayal. He didn't see the way Dan was working for the rival, he didn't realize it at all. He was blindsided, he was left broken. Broken like he feels now, and he hates how familiar the ache inside him feels like. 

He stumbles through his lobby, brushing past a neighbor holding his breath so he doesn't sob in front of them. The stairs go on for forever and he's so shattered he doesn't get his keys to fit into his lock before the tenth try. 

All of his energy spills out of him as he stumbles, his knees giving in as his door shuts behind him. He tumbles onto the floor, no noise coming out of him as his pain drips onto the floor, his body curling up into the pain. He thought he'd never have to feel like this again. His body's on the same spot he had been sprawled on weeks ago. It all seems so different now. The hopeful pleasure within him seems so distant now as Gavin traces the floor with his fingers. It was so easy back then. Easier than this.

Why did he think this would all end up alright? Why did he have to be so stupid? Why did he have to fly so close to the sun again? Deep down he feared that this would happen again, that he'll let his guard down and end up broken and so hurt he feels like he's already dead. With him being so stupid maybe he ought to be. 

Michael gave him a new chance and the first opportunity to fuck Ryan Gavin threw it all back in Michael's face. He gave so much, and Gavin owes him so much and yet Michael hurt him so much. He's torn between them two. 

Ryan feels like air, he feels like the bonding material in the universe. With him Gavin feels alive in a way he's never felt like before. But he doesn't know if that's a good thing. Maybe he's flying too close to the sun, maybe he's self-destructing. Maybe it would be smarter to break the habit, no matter how enticing Ryan's attention might be. He's like a drug, a gorgeous drug that makes Gavin feel invulnerable. But it's a drug nonetheless.

Michael gave him everything. Gavin can't shake the feeling that he's supposed to trust Michael, he's never lead him astray before and why would he do something to purposefully hurt Gavin? There's nothing more than fear for Gavin's safety that lingers behind his sharp words. Michael's his friend and he's known him for longer than he's known Ryan. He's supposed to choose Michael over Ryan, he feels like that's the way he's expected to behave. 

But the thought of living without Ryan hurts worse than Michael's words could ever hurt. The sentence of living in this world, seeing the colors and the lightness only to have it denied from him. He can't go back to suffocating in the greyness of the world. He's seen the colors, he's tasted the true meaning of life. He's utterly and truly enthralled by Ryan, entangled in Ryan's web, charmed by his sharp teeth. 

Gavin makes his way to his bedroom, his eyes glancing over the pillows in his bed. His new pillows that he bought with Ryan's money. The watch is heavy on his arm as he traces the cold pillows with his fingers before he sits down on the edge of the bed. The glare of the neon sign outside his window colors everything in his dark room as it's quiet outside. No one knows that his world is imploding in his hands. 

Gavin's fingers clasp the cold metal of the silver knife on his side table. There's nothing left in his body, no tears or sounds left. He's rocked with silent and painful, rib breaking sobs as he watches the light glimmer of the knife. 

He was almost killed for this knife. 

He was almost killed for the mere concept of Ryan. 

How can he ever live if that risk is always there? How can he continue when the mere thought of Ryan makes him act self destructively? How is he supposed to choose a life with that risk? He can't do it, he can't face that uncertainty of death lingering constantly over him. If Ryan asks him to jump he knows he'll jump. That's a lot of trust to put in someone who's got blood on his hands. A man everyone fears. 

If Ryan doesn't destroy him, he's sure he'll do it himself. 

The thought of that destruction lingers like poison in his mind. He knows he should quit now. The self-preservation instinct inside him screams at him. He knows this is insane. Ryan's not the kind of person that you could spend the rest of your life with. 

Gavin's not sure if he even wants that. What he feels for Ryan is more powerful than anything, more than the love he knows, but not all things powerful are good for you. It's like he's pulled into the blazing hot sun to face his destruction and he's terrified that he wants it. He's being pulled into his doom with a smile on his face. 

Gavin twists the knife in his hands and he watches the small drop of blood color the tip of his finger. He can't shake how fitting it all is. Ryan will be his destruction and he knows it. But he also knows he's not supposed to welcome that thought as easily as he does. 

He's supposed to want to live on the straight and narrow, to marry a stable man or woman and have kids and a pet. He's supposed to want a stable job that he'll grow to hate by the time he's forty. He's supposed to stare at the greyness with a fondness he's not sure he's going to ever be able to do. He's supposed to be content with the mundane, with the brand of love love that leaves him unsatisfied, bitter and hurt. 

He's not supposed to want Ryan. He's not supposed to want to lay himself bare in front of him, leave his life in his hands, take what Ryan gives and thank him for it. He's not supposed to be thrilled by the unexpected, by the illegal, by the chance to make the world kneel in front of them. But he is and he can't deny it no matter how much it fights within his mind. 

He's being pulled apart limb by limb and the pain within him only heightens that feeling. He wants it all, he wants things like they were yesterday, like they were before the secrets. He wants Ryan, he wants to obey Ryan, he wants Michael and he wants their friendship. He feels greedy and that thought tastes bitter on his tongue, his mother’s words mocking him yet again after all this time and all this distance. 

"Gavin?"

Gavin jumps at the sound of Ryan's hesitant voice from the kitchen, the subtle sound of his front door closing. Gavin turns to look at the door just as he sees Ryan peek into the room. He sees a pistol in Ryan's hands that's quickly put away as Ryan's eyes land on Gavin. Gavin's overflowing eyes barely register the terror in his eyes before he's running towards him. 

"What happened?" Ryan asks, hurrying over to Gavin. His hands pat him down, taking the knife away from his hands and placing it far away from him, his eyes frantic as he looks Gavin in the eyes. Ryan's scent's so wonderful around Gavin and a sob escapes his lips as he wraps his arms around Ryan's neck. "Gavin what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"It's all my fault." Gavin cries, his voice rough and quiet against Ryan's chest. He barely gets the words out between the painful sobs that threaten to break his ribs. "I fucked it all up."

"Gavin you're scaring me." Ryan says, his hands wrapping around Gavin's body. It feels like heaven to be in his arms again, his scent around him and his voice echoing in his head, but Gavin feels tortured by it all. The sweetness of it all feels like a reminder of his mistake, like knives carving Michael's name and betrayal in his flesh. 

How can he ever feel alright ever again? How on earth can he look at the grey, smell the mundane when Ryan's so vibrant, painting his soul with colors so bright they must be divine? How can he enjoy Ryan's presence when every second he's reminded of Michael's words, those words holding knives against Gavin's skin?

Ryan holds him so close that Gavin can almost pretend that there's nothing else in this world. That he doesn't feel like he's shattered in the wrong way. That there's not ice and shards of glass inside him instead of simmering embers and sunlight. That he didn't feel utterly helpless. 

"What happened?" Ryan repeats and the words just tumble out of Gavin's mouth, about how he's been so terrible towards his friends and that they're afraid for him and he sees Ryan tense at his words. Gavin explains how much he owes Michael, how much he wants to ease Michael's fears. He tells about how much he's hurting at Michael's cruel words and how much he just wants it to be like it was. 

"I don't know what to do. It feels like I have to make a choice, the two sides cannot coexist within me." Gavin whimpers, a sob tearing its way through his chest. "When I'm with you I feel like I can breathe, Ryan, like I've never been able to breathe before. It's like you're pure oxygen and you make me so light and lovely and god Ryan-" 

Gavin's hands tremble as they trace Ryan's cheeks, his eyes so unlike anything he's seen before. Dark and stormy, so vibrant and beautiful, the most gorgeous sight yet and Gavin's insides feel like they're being pulled apart slowly. 

"But it's Michael." Gavin whispers, closing his eyes. He can't do this. "It's Michael and I owe him so much, Ryan and I don't know what to do. Just, please, please tell me what to do! Please Ryan!"

The pressure inside Gavin's anything but pleasurable. It feels like there's a sequoia tree bursting to life inside him, and he's bursting and suffocating and swept away and he's trying so hard but he's so lost.

"Gavin, darling." Ryan's voice is so soft, like cotton on a summer day and somehow it makes Gavin feel even worse. "I can't make this decision for you and you know it, deep down you do."

"But I can't choose!" Gavin cries out, his voice breaking and shattering. His hand hits Ryan's chest, so infuriatingly solid and wonderful. Gavin feels like his knuckles will explode with the barely held back fear within him. "Just tell me Ryan! Tell me what to do! Why can't you do this for me, please I beg of you, please-"

Ryan looks at him and Gavin can't look away from the storm in his eyes. He looks serious, his eyes searching for something in Gavin's eyes. Ryan's hand cups Gavin's face and Gavin can't help but to lean into his comforting touch even as a painful sob wrecks his body.

He wants it all. He wants Michael, he needs Ryan. He wants peace and he wants war. He wants comfort and power. He wants his friends and his lover. He wants someone to tell him what to do. He doesn’t want to do this alone. Ryan's so stable in front of him and Gavin can't help but to envy him. Why can't he just tell him what he needs to hear. Why can't Ryan ask him to stay with him and eliminate the need for this turmoil within him. Why can't Ryan just whisk him away and remove the choice. 

"You are the sun Gavin." Ryan whispers. "That morning light that feels so bright and warm on your skin. You are that to me. A summer day by the sea, wind in your hair, a lightness inside you. Something so sweet and strong that I've never seen anything like you in my life. You are everything to me. I didn't plan for this, you came into my life and swept me away with one look. You're divine, no you're more than that."

Gavin's too overwrought to even comprehend his words but he sees the weight of his words in his eyes. Ryan's gaze feels intense against him like always, but this time it feels different. There's nothing between them emotionally. Both just open and Gavin's reeling with the meaning of it all. 

"But I promise I'll respect, hell understand your choice. But it needs to be yours. I promise I'll be here if you so want, or you'll never see me again if you so want. You're my sun, Gavin, and all the stars, but if you need to step away I'll gladly walk in the darkness if it means you're happy. You've given me so much already, and I want to give you the world. You have a voice, you have a choice. I cannot take that agency away from you. To me you're more than anything in this world Gavin, I need you to know that." 

Ryan's quiet for a long time and Gavin can't muster any words as he's swimming in the weight of Ryan's words. Ryan opens his mouth as if to say something but his brow furrows before he can say anything. His thumb brushes softly against Gavin's cheek and Gavin can feel the fluttering inside him latch on to the feeling. 

"I'd tell you that I love you-" Ryan whispers and Gavin's floored by the vulnerability in his eyes. "-But I don't feel like the word carries enough meaning. Everything I thought I'd loved before you pales in comparison. So know that I'll kill and be killed for you with a smile on my face. You have no idea on how much you've impacted me, how much your touch empowers me."

A single tear runs down Gavin's face and he sees Ryan's eyes shift to it. Ryan looks so soft, he's so vulnerable and his words flutter within Gavin and latch on to every single cell in his body and he feels like he's being gilded, like the cracks in his soul are being mended with molten gold. 

"Did I say something wr-"

Gavin silences Ryan's words with his kiss. He presses against Ryan with a power he didn't know he had as he tries to sort it all out. Ryan's words feel like an unstoppable force within him and he wants to let Ryan understand how much they mean to him. All this time he's been unsure on if Ryan's feelings are as strong as Gavin's, and here he is exposing him as much as Gavin's exposed himself to him. 

Ryan's lips are passionate against him and Gavin's sure his lips taste of nothing but salt and pain but he needs to taste Ryan. He needs to make sure he's not dreaming. The aching within him tells him this is real, but since Ryan arrived that aching is all that is left. The torturous knives and stabbing pain is gone. 

"No, you said the words that are trapped in my own heart." Gavin whispers as they break for air. Ryan looks almost surprised at his words, but Gavin sees the realization linger in his eyes. 

"That makes me the happiest man alive." Ryan replies. "I want nothing more than to take your pain away and make it easy, but I can't. I can't stifle your own choices. As much as it pains me. "

"I know." Gavin whispers. "And I hate you for it."

"I hate myself for it." Ryan replies, and Gavin can't help the small twisted sense of relief as he sees the hurt flash in Ryan's eyes. He knows it's wrong, he knows he's terrible but the thought that at least he's not the only one hurt eases the pain if only a little. 

Gavin doesn't want to make the choice. He wishes he'd known all this when he made the choice to trust Ryan all those weeks ago, making the choice to give the master key to him instead of running. He knows it's not good for him, but he imagines his life if he'd run away with the key. He wouldn't be here feeling like he's dying as Ryan leaves him to think. 

Gavin's soul yells out for Ryan and Gavin crumbles as his front door shuts. He needs the space, he needs to think, and all his mind screams at him is to run after Ryan. He doesn't. 

Deep down he knew his luck would run out again. He didn't think it would end up like this. Back in England he'd been given no warning, the choice was out of his hands. It was Dan who made the choice, took the leap of faith and left Gavin in the dust. Well left him with a bleeding stab wound and no way out. 

But Gavin survived. With just spite and self-pity he managed to get himself over the ocean. With bursting anger and self-doubt he'd managed to find Michael and allowed him to help him. Allowed Michael to make the decisions, allowed him to take choice away from his broken hands. Allowed him to help him build a life, make friends and have a life again. He didn't think he was worth it all, but Michael assured him he was. 

His strangled laugh is dark as he thinks about the irony in the situation that it's Michael who tore him down again. He has to admit he likes the beautiful and almost poetic nature of it all. 

Gavin didn't think he'd ever be able to achieve anything again. But Ryan gave him a choice. Gave him the tools to make something of him. Fixed the cracks in his mind. Gave him agency. Gave him a voice. As much as that scares him, there's something utterly maddening about it. Why did it have to be him?

All his life he'd been without a voice, without a choice, without agency. His mother, father, Dan, Michael. All of them taking all of that away from him, chipping him down, making him indebted. And here's Ryan, listening, encouraging, catching him. Gavin's chest feels entirely too tight at the realization and he feels his world tumble, an earthquake tumbling everything around him. 

He's terrified. Everything he has he has because of Michael. Because of the trust that he laid in Michael's hands. A trust he didn't think he'd break. Didn't see him hurting him. A betrayal almost equal to Dan's. Almost as twisted, jagged and poisoned. 

He's petrified. He knows his choice. There's no going back, the betrayal still sharp and twisted inside him. He laid his trust in Dan, who stabbed him, then in Michael, who tore him down. He's going to put his trust in Ryan. He knows it's going to end bad, he knows this time it'll kill him. Tear his limbs apart, torture him and make him nothing more than ashes. Ryan's got too much of a hold on him, too much of him is lodged into his brain and into his bone marrow. 

Ryan will be the end of him. If Ryan would ever betray him he'd shatter. If Ryan would die before him, Gavin's sure he'd disintegrate. If Ryan wants him to self-destruct, he'll do it with ease and he'll even thank him for it.

He can't stop shaking.

He can't stop smiling. 

He knows it's wrong. He knows he should resist, take the mundane path. But he's done that already, he's experienced too many unfulfilled years of his life. He's seen the colors, he's touched the sky. So what if it's not going to last. At least they'll go out in a beautiful explosion. 

He knows it'll not be easy. He knows it's going to be torturous, it's going to be hard and it's going to be painful. But Ryan's already proved that he'll make it worth it all. Ryan's mere presence is reward enough. The promise of making the world kneel burns in his mind. It lingers on his tongue. 

He wants it all. He wants to be seen. He wants the power. He's never said this out loud but now, in his empty apartment he screams them into the universe. 

He's tasted power. He wants it, he wants it with Ryan. 

He wants Ryan. He needs Ryan.

His entire body shakes like he's reorienting everything within him as he stands up. There's a message from Lindsay on his phone that he wants to ignore but he reads it anyway. She assures him that Michael didn't mean any of the things he said, that they're both sorry. Gavin's laugh tastes bitter in his mouth. 

Gavin wants to delete the message. He wants to move forward and forget about the ache inside him. He doesn't delete the message, just moves it to another folder. He can't make the break. He can't ignore it, no matter how much he wants to. 

Gavin grabs his backpack and rushes out of the apartment. The knife is heavy in his hand, exposed to the world and he doesn't care. He marches, and he marches, the weight of the knife and the watch holding him down. He fears he'll float away or disappear without their weights anchoring him to this plane of existence. 

The few people that cross Gavin's path cast him glances, recoiling away from him as he walks through the streets towards his goal. He knows they fear the knife and not him, but it doesn't matter. Gavin can fantasize that they fear him, that they recoil from him. That they know Gavin's not the kind you can touch, hurt or abuse. That he's standing firmly on his feet, that he's feared. That he's got the authority as Ryan has. 

He feels empowered beyond anything he's ever experienced before. 

He walks into the tall skyscraper, pocketing the knife just in case as he walks through the large lobby. Nobody pays him no mind as he walks past the turnstiles and into the elevator. He's left alone, the group of business men and women lingering outside the door, but Gavin tilts his head just enough, channeling the same energy he's felt from Ryan and the group stays outside the doors as they close Gavin from them. 

There's something awakened in him now. He can try to ignore the ache of the pain of betrayal, the anger of the situation and the familiarity in the situation he hates so much. He can try to ignore the longing for Ryan's touch that burns through him. 

He focuses on the energy within him, the empowering agency that Ryan gifted to him. The trust that Ryan will be there to catch him, to empower him. That Ryan will not allow anyone else to hurt him ever again. That he's past betrayal, only heading directly into the sun. Embracing the burn, embracing the shifting fires within him. He bathes in the heat, allowing it to mold him. He's scared but he refuses to let anyone else but Ryan see it.

The doors open, and Gavin steps out into the lobby. Ashley's behind the desk and there's groups of people hanging out in the lobby, but Gavin makes his way past them to Ashley. The same brass logo is splayed behind her on the wall that was in front of Gavin all those weeks ago. 

Haywood Industries. 

Gavin buzzes with excitement, fear and hunger. He's awake now. This is the last time someone will hurt him, he swears it on his name, he swears it on Ryan's name. 

"I'm here for Haywood." Gavin says as he barely stops before Ashley. Her motion to go through is already past Gavin as he walks down the corridor. He can't shake the finality of this move. 

He's made his choice.

Gavin opens the door to his office. Ryan's pacing by the windows and as he enters he turns around to face him. Gavin sees the hesitation on his face, the hopefulness in his eyes and Gavin smiles. 

"Will you have me?" He asks looking into Ryan's eyes, into the blueness, into his future. 

Ryan smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit guys I can't believe we made it this far. I didn't expect all of you to be along for the ride with me. For those (like me) who aren't even remotely done with these two I've got big news; I've begun writing the sequel. It's going to be another 10 chapter story that picks up right where we left off. It's going to be as smutty as this one, god don't I know I've already written a metric ton of smut for the sequel. I'm starting a full time job at the beginning of May but I'll try to write most of the story before that so that I'll be able to start posting in May or June as I want to maintain a steady publishing pace. I hope you guys will hang with me for that as well. ❤ ❤
> 
> Here's a tiny sneak preview of the draft of the first chapter of the sequel;
> 
> _"We need to talk about all of this Gav." Ryan says and as Gavin looks up into his eyes he sees worry. The sight makes Gavin's stomach flip and he's not sure if he likes that look on Ryan's face. There's a need that's rampant within him, a loud buzzing and he can't focus on it at all._
> 
> _"Please, sir." Gavin chokes out. Ryan's eyes dart over Gavin's face, a second of silence and Gavin's drowning in the wild bees within him. God he needs release, he needs the edges rasped down again. He can't think straight like this, he feels like he's drowning, smashed apart by sharp rocks and he needs help. He needs a psychical distraction from the storm within him. He needs Ryan to soothe him. Ryan looks at him and Gavin feels like he's exposed, like his ribs have been wrenched out like wings as he tries and fails to vocalize his pleas._
> 
> _There's a beat of silence._
> 
> _"On your knees."_


End file.
